“Man Up!”

Walking through the mall, I see dozens of couples. Some hold hands, some spend meaningful time together staring at their iPods, some walk staring straight ahead, and others… well…

One common thing I see among the males is painted nails, skinny jeans, and shaggy hair. There was more than one time I confused a couple for two girls.

Why do young men want to be so feminine? Why sacrifice the toughness and the masculinity for a fad?

Why is it a shame to be a man?

Could it be the idea of “offending” someone? Could it be the oh-so-popular metrosexual?

I’m never going to get an inside look at the reasons for metrosexuality because I’m a man.

But, recently re-reading Answering the Guy Questions by Leslie Ludy shows us ladies what we can do and understand about young men. The book helped me stop manipulating guys- even in the areas I didn’t think I was manipulating! By our remarks, clothes, and deeds we can either give or take.

I want to give all I can to building strong men.

I realize my brother and I don’t get along as well as we should. I’m only learning myself.

I can give my time to take notice of Ryan’s accomplishments (he’s becoming quite the thinker), go along with his ideas (provided it’s legal, buddy), not cut him down (when he affectionately looks down from 6’1″ and calls me Shorty) and praise him for his right choices (such as converting to the First Church of the OSU Buckeyes!).

I can take more interest in what my dad is doing.

I can ask more questions and make my guy friends think.

What will you do to build up guys in your life?

Guys, what are your thoughts?

Hyper-patriarchy vs. Biblical-patriarchy

Hyperpatriarchy is a type of demanding fatherhood and husband-hood ( ) that requires nothing less than exact obedience all the time- even on minute issues. Hyperpatriarchs like to dictate what his daughters and wife wear, what they do, and where they go. They like to be in complete control and have the final say. They often ignore what their family has to say and go with what they want.

Reading an independent-fundamental-Baptist-Reformed local magazine for women that somehow ended up on my desk; I was shocked at the articles on submitting to your husband/father. Some quotes from this magazine:

“You must let a man be man. (nothing wrong with that) If you interfere with any situation, even if it is sin, better to leave him alone for fear of ruining his testimony.” (Sounds faintly of Muslim honor and strongly of letting someone live knowingly in sin)

“When a woman shares her opinion, she is sharing the true heart within her. This nasty heart in manipulative and wants to see her husband’s ruin. Better to keep her mouth shut.” (So women cannot share opinions wit their husbands???)

“Your husband did not have to marry you. Do not complain about his strictness in keeping you in when he goes out. Being married is enough for him, why push him to do something you want when it is his turn to have fun?” (It’s the woman’s fault he’s angry/disinterested in her?)

I agree with being thankful for what we have, letting men be men, and that the human heart is sick. But when a woman has no say whatsoever, has to live in fear for her husband’s spiritual well being (because she can’t call him out on sin); and has to avoid dealing with even petty problems… that’s hyperpatriarchy.

I was accused once of being a victim of hyperpatriarchy. I bought a lovely maxi-dress recently at a store called Forever 21. I tried to wear it to church the next Sunday; and dad ended up telling me he didn’t like the cut. It emphasized the wrong parts of my body, and he didn’t want that at all. (“Not even a hint” as I like to put it) I really wanted to wear the dress, but obeyed. At church, my friend asked if I was wearing the dress I’d bought. I said “No” and explained the situation. She shook her head and said “That’s no way to live. Your dad is a total hyperpatriarch…”

Let’s take a look at Biblical patriarchy:

Christ is masculine. God is masculine. God so loved the world…HE… gave HIS SON. God is also the ruler of everything, but a gentle one at that. He doesn’t want harm to come to us, but sometimes obedience can cause suffering in some way from others. God is not a cruel taskmaster. He very nature is love. Christ is love. The man of the house represents Christ.  Both man and woman are made in God’s image and are both called to exercise dominion over the earth. They share an equal worth as persons before God in creation and redemption. The man is also the image and glory of God in terms of authority, while the woman is the glory of man. (Gen. 1:27-28; 1 Cor. 11:3,7; Eph. 5:28; 1 Pet. 3:7) God has also ordained gender roles. Adam already had headship over Eve before sin entered the world. (Gen. 2:18)

God has placed authority of fathers and husbands to be useful and good in direction family. There is a limit on a man’s power. He must be in the Lord. When a man is outside of God’s will or word, he is not leading well. When in sin, there is hardship for the man to lead. The same goes for a woman when she will not submit. A man’s authority should be exercised with grace and love as a servant, priest, and leader; following the example of Jesus Christ. Leadership is a stewardship from God. (Mal. 3:17; Ps. 103:13; Col. 3:21; 1 Pet. 3:7) A man should also be subject to the laws of the government. (Romans 13) The man and wife, (and hence kids) should also submit to each other and respect opinions, tastes, and views, as long as they are of the word.

The woman is called to be keeper at home- meaning she is to run the household in domestic affairs: cooking, cleaning, teaching kids (primarily- I want my husband to be fully committed to teaching our kids at home and pray he would want to take part in that); basically becoming more like a Proverbs 31 woman every day. This doesn’t mean she can’t “have a job”  it simply means her #1 priority should be home. My mom is really a Proverbs 31 woman! My mom and I have a business of sorts- every Tuesday we make 14 dozen cookies and my dad sells them at work. It’s extra income. It’s “working willingly with our hands”. My mom gets up early to start the laundry and she often stays up late to finish things. She is known for her artistic ability (especially working on VBS decorations, where she happens to be right now), her cooking, her get up and go spirit. People at church talk about her highly. She is frugal with our money, so much so, we have surplus of things. That frugality leads us to never do without (we are the thrift store junkies, but we have the nicest, largest, CHEAPEST wardrobes around, I’d say) I could go on, but you probably get the point. She is very submissive to Dad, her hubby, whom she’s been married to for over 20 years. Aww…

*ahem*

Father/husbands should oversee the family well; and do so biblically, gently, and firmly. He must also realize that everyone has an opinion, and his opinion may not line up the wife’s or kids’.

Now, back to the story I was telling about the dress. If my dad would have said “I don’t like that pattern on you, it looks outdated…” It would have been a matter of personal preference, and hyper-patriarchy if he told me to obey immediately without protest. But since he directly said “I don’t like the cut of the top part and how it draws attention to your bust,” I knew right away what exactly was wrong- and that it wasn’t right. Since my dad noticed something I’d overlooked completely, I figured the other guys at church would probably notice, too. I didn’t want to “accidentally” ”entice” a dude when I knew I shouldn’t be even wearing something enticing. And, since the Bible tells us women to be modest and cover up what should be covered ,-and I knew I shouldn’t cause any brother in Christ to lose sight of Christ if I could help it- I decided to do what I knew was right. I changed my outfit.

So, was my dad a hyperpatriarch or a biblical patriarch?

You can’t expect to submit to your husband one day if you can’t submit to your dad now. It’s not always going to be that BIG thing. It will more than likely be a small thing.

An Invaluable 91 Cent Lesson

Paraphrased from When God Writes Your Love Story

“Hey Eric!” Steve yelled as I was getting comfortable in the yellow plastic McDonald’s booth. “Bob’s picking the Huskers to beat your team by twenty!”

 “What?” I screeched. “Bob, your Huskers will be lucky to come out of Folsom Field alive, let alone with a victory!”

  Ah… those memorable college days. There I was with my buddies, who like me were once again dateless on yet another Friday night. To ease our egos, we all headed to our favorite hangout to splurge our carefully budgeted spare 91 cents on a sumptuous ice cream cone and engage in serious guy talk.

  For all of you female readers out there who are interested in learning how guys tick, listen up. Whenever we get into a plastic booth, we become very predictable at least where conversation is concerned.

Sports. We talk about teams, argue, grunt, flex, make jabs, and all sort of tough things like that. Once we exhaust that topic, we talk about another favorite subject- food.

“Just bought 20 Ramen noodle packages for 2 bucks at Meijer….”

“No way, dude!”

Eventually, we move onto our endocrine systems. Hormones.

As Bob excitedly shared about this blonde who proofread his Ducks and Diseases paper, God reminded me of his control over this area of my life. It had been a few months since I had “let go of the pen,” but at times, I was still struggling. But he gave me a beautiful hope. He had been preparing me to be a husband, thus revealing to me someone was out there waiting for me.

Whoa!

If God’s plan for me was marriage, she’s walking around right now.

She’s alive!

I wondered what she was doing.

I wondered if she was looking at the moon and thinking of me.

It hit me.

She better not be hanging around a guy!

My mind was filled with a picture of someone who looked like Val Kilmer creeping a snakelike, slimy arm around her shoulder. Doesn’t the moon look peachy babe? I could hear his disgusting voice say.

Then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, I imagined his oversized lips coming in for an intercept on hers. Get your unbridled lips off my wife, turkey!

  My lips curled into a crazed snarl, and my eyes boiled with fury. My right hand formed a pulsing fist and smacked my open left hand with savage force. I was ready to kill this guy!

  Maybe my buddies thought it was an allergic reaction to ice cream (they didn’t bring it up, thankfully), but on a night where I blew a whopping 91 cents; I gained a truth.

 I desire purity in my wife.

—

Girls, don’t you think your future husband desires purity in you? Could you smile at what he would see you doing right now? Where you are going? With what you’re saying to other guys?

The Three Types of Men

Three Types of Men
Adapted from the books “Preparing to be a Helpmeet” and “Created to be His Helpmeet”, as well as some other typing tests.
There are three types of men: Prophet, Priest, and King. It is interesting to note that these three types each resemble a part of the Trinity.
The Holy Spirit is like the prophet.
The Prophet is a voice crying out in the wilderness, trying to change things and show people how they are wrong. He always has a cause, a voice, a reason to fly off and change the world in his own unique way.
His wife must be like him or be the complete opposite to get along. This man needs a little balance, or he will be completely rash with a partner in crime. While he is off studying the effects of wind on airplanes (or whatever this week’s topic is), the wife needs to be reminding him of hygiene, meals to eat, and appointments. However, the wife should be a thinker like him, because he will want her to be around when he’s unsure of what to think or say.
Prophets are street preachers who yell bluntly; the thinkers who state facts without much ado. They are always focused on one or two things. They are few in possession, their words, and their actions. They want to get things done quickly and simply- the more projects completed, the better.
The Prophet will always debate things that seemingly don’t matter to average people. Should we celebrate Easter? Did Christ die on a Thursday or a Friday… how about Wednesday? How about celebrating Christmas? Should women be allowed to use birth control? His wife should know exactly what he’s talking about, or she will risk her Prophet’s title proclamation of stupid. The wife should be understanding of his views and know quite a bit herself, a daunting task, but necessary for the couple’s continued happiness.
Though outgoing, the short answers and precise phrases Prophets use may turn many people off. They tend to form views slowly, but stick to them and proclaim them to the world once concrete.
The Prophet needs a woman with unfailing support of him. However, her faith needs to be more grounded, traditional and stable to support his obscure ideas that few hold to. She should be fanciful yet patient, kind and quiet. She needs to bring him balance, support, and sweetness. Both should like adventure- for the wife of a philosopher Prophet should be in for the ride of her life!
The Prophet is a unique guy who likes to think he can be a bachelor all his life. He may get lonely easily- without a cheerleader to support him after his parents kick him out or he leaves college. He is most needy of the three types of men- but rarely realizes it. He is creative, in search of knowledge, unexpected, systematic, and rich in experience. This may annoy his closest friends.
He is the type of man who will totally ignore you after the honeymoon because a new topic has taken his interest. Don’t worry, he will include you, but you will feel like a finished project.
He is a strong debater. He loves to start debates- and step back to watch and the fun.
He may spend money unwisely.
He looks at life as a big checklist, getting things done quickly helps him move onto the next great thing.
Most Prophets do not realize they are prophets. That’s the funny thing…

The Priest (or as the huge typo that bugs me every time I open the book says “Preist”)
Jesus is the Priest.
Priests are steady men who do not care to change their ways. They are stuck in their ways for life, content to wake up and go to bed with not a change in routine at all. They love whatever they’ve done for years as much as they did the day they began. They always love their sweetie, and have no idea of what cheating looks like. As old men, they enjoy the lovely wife they married 50 years ago. The Priest will not put pressure on you to do things the hard way. He lets you go on as you please, happy with whatever you choose. The adventurous would not get along with this man- even a vacation can be enough to upset the Priest’s fruitbasket.
The wife also needs loads of patience, or her marriage to the Priest will falter. He takes several days to make a decision on a purchase, years to decide on a house, etc. He hates snap decisions and people who make them.
The Priest is well-liked and respected. He is known abroad, and people seem to randomly stop to say hi. He doesn’t really belong to his wife: he belongs to the community. While the Prophet would study and invent and analyze medicine for a sick neighbor, the Priest would be the one to heal and encourage.
The Priest hates to see any dime unaccounted for. He loves money-work, but not paying bills.
The Priest needs a lot of time to contemplate life in quiet. He becomes grouchy without that time.
He will never be awkward around people. People are his specialty.
While the Prophet will only need to conquer his wife to get hitched to her, the Priest will be the one to make the wife breakfast in bed, pick her flowers, and give her gifts. The Prophet only seeks to win his lovely bride’s heart for marriage and focus on keeping her, the Priest wants to win her for a lifetime.
He looks only to today, but still looks ahead to plan for the future every now and then. He likes to talk of the past with dear friends, though he has few close ones. Everyone seems like a good acquaintance to him.
He is proud of his wise, resourceful wife, and his world revolves around her.
He never forgets a face, always remembers dates, and enjoys reminiscing with folks from back then.
The Priest is the type of man who falls into the category of phlegmatic. Complacent, soft-spoken, not worried about the world or the problems of the world.
While the Prophet would go to invent or debate something, the Priest would think through the process needed to produce the invention, like the assembly line, the plant, and the workers.

The King
God the Father is the King.
They come across as domineering; they only want deep devotion and plain obedience from sweet wives.
Kingly men see life as if they were on a high mountain; they look only at the big picture; what will serve the greatest number of people the longest, best time. They have no tolerance for slowpokes, and require submission to accomplish the goal. Kings make great leaders. Kings are usually pastors. (Not so in my case)
Kings help people see their lot in life is perfect. The like to help people- many people- become good servants. If people aren’t helping and serving the King, he feels that his power has ignored and thus becomes angry and annoyed. Though not abusive by nature, the King can become so if not obeyed many times over. If the King has no reverence from his queen (wife), he will become depressed, brooding, and upset. He loves his wife so much, he sees himself as a gift to her, to help her learn to serve.
The King may not be prideful in his own eyes, but Kingly men usually come across that way. Their gift for delegation leaves him with no job but to oversee, guide and direct. He may not be smart, but he certainly does appear to be so, being the only man to direct. There are usually a few Kings in every bunch.
Kings want service to their hand and foot when at home. He doesn’t see himself as lazy. After a long day of delegating and directing, he expects his strong queen to feed him a good meal and iron some clothes for tomorrow while he reads or watches TV. Kings don’t relate well to women, so don’t be surprised if your Kingly husband doesn’t share feelings or ideas and is offended you can’t read his mind.
Kingly dudes think when they have to, relax if they have to, but they love leading the best. He needs a strong wife to follow him without question no matter what day it is: thinking day, relaxing day, or leading day.
Living with Kings can be hard if you are not a submissive girl.
Kings adore great cooking, and will talk about that one good meal for days afterward. They appreciate service without prompting.
Their goal is to share goals, not emotions
He doesn’t like sick, old, dying, or weird people. They aren’t normal, aren’t the majority, and aren’t easy to delegate to. He won’t view them with contempt, but he will be awkward around abnormal folks.
Kings are the stuff mother of the brides fear. To your mother, Kingly husbands are abusive and obscure.
If you learn to be absolutely submissive, you will never fear your King.

No man can be all three: but they can have a major and a minor type. The guy who thinks he is all three is a total Prophet. 

What say ye, ladies? What type is your dad? What type is your brother? What type do you think would be a good catch?
A major Prophet and a minor Priest would be good in my book. My dad is Priestly/Kingly, and I get annoyed with his type sometimes. Submission has never been my strong point, though I am learning. And somehow, the idea of no adventure in life bugs me…

I may take a look at the three types of women next… but each girl is simply a fainter version of these types. Which resembles you? (I’m a Prophetess/Queenly)

“Ishi”

“Ishi”

How I struggle with the idea of singleness! It only takes a happy newlywed couple to bring me to tears, asking God “Will I ever have a love story?” “Is it for me to be married?” “Am I supposed to be single?” No “real” answer. Just that little voice I love and sometimes hate at the same time: stop asking.

  It doesn’t help when I hear a few guys I know whisper things like “She’s holy, man!” ”Laura? Nah…” “She’s not a prude who asks you to stop doing things… but she sure is  moral.” “Do you know Laura’s got this commitment to never say I love you to guy until he’s engaged to her?” “I heard she wasn’t going to kiss a guy until her wedding kiss!” “Dude that is so wrong!”  (Interesting to note~ wrong is degraded to mean “not normal”)

It frustrated me to tears. God seemed farther way than usual, and I didn’t even do anything to run. Perhaps I was throwing a pity-party, but my view of God was turning into the classic pessimistic ‘God’s a cruel taskmaster.’

Last night, as I was praying through a Psalm, making it the cry of my heart, about to burst with those same questions; the Bible slipped off my lap. It fell open on the floor in Hosea 2. My eye fell on a paragraph that goes like this:

Ho 2:

 14 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.

 15 And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and thevalleyofAchorfor a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of thelandofEgypt.

 16 And it shall be at that day, saith the LORD, which thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.

 (KJV)

I was in tears. I hastily ran a background check (as I humorously call ‘looking up the root words’) on the main words.

  After reading the translations, I wrote the literal meaning in my journal.

  Therefore, I will allure {make room for, call away}her, and bring {sweep, carry, loosely: steal}into the wilderness {desert-place} and speak comfortably there {speak to her heart}

To verse 16:

  …thou shalt call me Ishi (husband), and no longer Baali {master}.

  I smiled up to God in my tears and thanked him for his faithfulness. I figure if a man won’t have me for being crazy about God and obeying His unusual convictions for me, that man is crazy about the wrong things.

  Ishi… my soul’s husband!

Any verses pop out to you, girls?

 

A Standard For Encouraging and Dealing With Guys

I’d like to share with you some resources I just added to my library.

Preparing to Be a Helpmeet ~ Debi Pearl  Talks of types of guys, types of girls, and what each type should do to prepare for the guy she will most likely catch.

Answering the Guy Questions (hereafter refered to as “ATGQ”) by Leslie Ludy was an amazing book! It is a quick read, so this book is good for people who want to look at a topic and run off.

Also, “What Our Father Taught Us About Boys” (a CD by the Botkin sisters) is another helpful resource.

All three opened my eyes to how much girls and guys are alike- and how they are so very different, too.

 Boys are people too.  “This may sound funny,” as Anna Sophia said in the CD, “but it is true.”

 We often go from one extreme to the other when it comes to dealing with boys. There are boys I know who are very forward with me, and sometimes I walk away from a conversation wondering “Should I have said that?” and other times I walk away thinking “I wish I had said a lot more.” Other boys I have no reason to talk to, and after awhile, I just began to ignore them. These situations are both wrong. I want to apply some basic principles:

>Do dress nicely, modestly, and stylishly, but not FOR them. ATGQ talks of respecting their future wives and your future husband by keeping hidden what should be hidden. And remember, if there are many guys there, there are many future wives, too. Don’t expect anything until you are of marriagable age and the guy has asked for your hand through your dad!

>Don’t chatter mindlessly. Guys understand you more than you think. According to Preparing to Be A Helpmeet, they are always watching and listening; even if not for romantic purposes. They will know you by your words. Discontinue fillers, crude slang, and random chatter about yourself.

Don’t EVER manipulate. For example: Angela likes Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t think Angela would make a very good wife. He is not interested. But, Angela, seeing him ignore her is not acceptable. She wants him to notice her and sets up a date trap to get him alone with her in her car. This led to other things, and Kyle didn’t really want Angela in the first place. This is called defrauding. The girl was taking what was not hers, doing things she had no business doing, and initiating things when it was not her place.

This action is not only displeasing to God, but it reflects badly on you. Manipulative women are pushy, and once married, will push their husbands. Read Proverbs 7 for more about a wicked, manipulative woman.

Don’t ignore them. I have a knack for doing this, and it frustrates me! Even if guys are being pushy, greet them with a quiet smile, and if annoyed, let them or others do the talking so you don’t explode or pour mindless chatter on them. I was recently followed around almost everywhere by a certain guy. I’d be walking, then turn around and there he was. I’d feel goosebumps on my neck and he’d be watching me intently from several hundred yards away. When I finally bumped into him face to face, my mom was with me, and she was able to do the talking. Thank goodness for parents and the chance to apply the truths right away!

I hope you will consider these resources and add them to your library! They are priceless, and they could change your life.  Remember our highest goal is not to snag a gent, or to please the guys in our lives; it’s about becoming a woman who is worth “far above rubies”. (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

Pressure to Be Attached

People call me crazy. People also call me stupid. Let me explain:

A smattering of guys have, at one time or another, confessed their undying, hormone related affection for me. I don’t want any of it. It’s distracting, and once these young men started hinting blatantly at liking me, the friendship hurled went downhill. I still have a good friendship with one, but it is because of being careful. I don’t reply to flirtatious comments, look at him when he sighs loudly, or tell him if I like him back. For the most part, he understands. I think. I spend a lot of time praying about “Alexander” but he is not the foremost of my thoughts. People usually tell me to go after him, because after all, I’m nearly of marriageable age, and of course, they only want me to be “happy.” When I say that I’m happy without a boyfriend or the prospect of getting one, most pat me on the arm and say I’m deceiving myself and someday that will change. Ha. Far from it, folks.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I sure would like to be married sometime in my life. But God has given me a greater desire, a desire stronger than having a husby or a bunch of kids. That desire I have is from Him and for Him. God’s will takes over any thought I may have over Sir Charming the Gallant. If only more girls would stop playing the dating game and learn that contentment in Christ is the key to life!

“Who is this?” asked an old man of a 20-something woman.

“This is my boyfriend… Charles” the girl declared proudly.

It was amazing how much was said in those few words. This girl had been involved in my youth group for several years, all the while encouraging us not to seek after a guy but follow after the Lord. She should have led by example. While declaring she was not looking for a relationship, she started a singles group, researched ‘singles explosions’, and went to every event she could find where available men were. After three years, her search was successful. She has a boyfriend, and she talks of him all the time. Her identity is not in who she is in Christ, it’s who she is with her boy. You see, the young lady equates being fulfilled and human with being attached. Not so! What makes us human (profoundly human) is the Gospel! It makes us see our enormous need for help…and makes us become fulfilled after we’ve let Jesus fill that need. The Gospel is enough to satisfy. Stop living like it isn’t.

Those who “date around” want to have a great marriage someday, that’s unanimous! But, when it comes down to who they date, the standard is set quite low. Over the years, missionary dating has become popular at my church. It started with one couple, then it snowballed. Another couple started, and another, and then, this aforementioned girl found herself an unbelieving boy. The first relationship that started it all sadly ended when they found the “converted” girlfriend was fooling around at college.

It seems that dating is like a snowball. It starts out with a faithful Christian girl and a guy. She is serious about her walk with God, and every day is like a mountaintop experience. They date, get involved, and break up. The girl blames God for her problems, and starts look for another guy. The cycle repeats with several more guys, adding baggage, making the process of “backsliding” go faster. Things gain momentum. The snowball builds up more ‘junk’ and keeps rolling… downhill… faster and faster… until crash! The whole thing blows up in her face and her life is at the bottom of the hill. In order to get back to the top, she must get serious and start depending on God again for everything! Only then can she have a deep relationship with God and get back on the victorious mountaintop.

The reason for unbalanced relationships is the preset standard (or the lack thereof). Most people have no standard or even the slightest idea what they’d like to see in Prince Charming. As young women, we shouldn’t swoon over what our dear Johnny should look like. We should be praying for his character, his strength, and his spiritual well-being!

As I looked into qualities of husbands, I found absolutely no standard of any sort out on the Internet. Not even a bare minimum or a few requirement ideas. Sure, every girl is different, but there’s the need to set a standard and a few expectations to get her thinking about the kind of man she’ll marry someday.

Hence the big surprise. (No, it’s not that I’m getting married, but thanks anyway to those who asked!!) It’s a list of potential qualities that you should think about. This isn’t final gospel, and I’m only a weak, finite human, so it’s not a law to follow. Rather, this is a list to get you thinking. Take ideas from this list and start building your own. Tell me about some of the qualities you came up with on your own!

Check it out- The List  

This list will only be up for the week of Valentine’s… (February 14th-February 19th)

Barnacles

I was reminded today of little crab-like creatures called barnacles.

As I studied this little creature, I found that they are a lot like sin in your life. Barnacles can be parasitic, clinging to whales, ships, and rocks. If left unmoved, the creatures can cause drag on ships and whales. (Rocks- well, they’re rocks. They just lay there). An 80,000 pound humpback whale can host up to 1,000 pounds of barnacles, and that’s definitely enough to slow the whale down. The whale, however, feels no pain. For a whale on it’s way to the feeding waters with more fish, barnacle-drag can slow it down. The journey stretches to a longer period of time, and sometimes, the whale dies. He has not made it to the feeding grounds in time.

Just like barnacles, sin in a Christian’s life will definitely slow the disciple of Christ down! The Christian may not realize how harmful a sin can be until they are dying. Though we are always saved once we put our faith in the Son, we will begin to backslide, missing out on what great things we could have done. God may even take us out of this world early, especially if our sin is disrepsect to parents.

Removing barnacles is painful for the whale, and takes a lot of effort for the ship’s crew to scrape them off. It is interesting to see that scraping sin out of our own lives is painful, but neccessary if we want to live a free, weight-free life.  Sin nature itself will make us think that sin is too hard to rid of. It is not. Hebrews 12:1 tells us:  Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us…

A marathon runner doesn’t wear combat boots when running! He chooses the lightest pair of shoes he can find! He also wears special clothing that lets air in, but won’t weigh him down. God’s provision of grace lets us run the race with few distractions and weights. Keep your faith where it belongs: in God- not in believing that sin is okay- or doesn’t really harm you.

2 Tim. 4:7

I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith.

1,000 verses update:

I have memorized 17 out of 1,000 verses this year!

Flirtatious…or Friendly?

Today, I am happy to introduce Kelly, a friend and fellow blogger. She writes to guys about relationships on her blog- writing to them about how they might understand us better in relationships with them. Some of her articles even helped me understand guys a bit better!

  I love people and I write a blog called Unaverage Relationships. Click on the link  to go to it and find out more about it! In a nutshell, I write to guys about girls, friendships, and relationships. I have to say that it’s really different addressing girls instead of guys. My whole approach is different because now I’m talking to someone I actually understand! I am NOT an expert on guys! Normally I write to guys- not about them. I feel like this is a little out of my territory but I will do the best I can

Girls, do we act in a way that helps our guy friends? I don’t think we do a lot of times. We tend to be touchy, we give confusing “hints”, and sometimes we are a little flirty. One of my guy friends told me that sometimes even hugging a guy can make him think that there is something more than there really is. I’m not saying that giving hugs to guys is bad! I give hugs to my guy friends, but I tend to be picky on which ones I give hugs to. Maybe that’s mean? I don’t know. But I only hug the guys who I know won’t think anything of it. This is just an example I was given by a friend of mine on how girls can be confusing. A hug means nothing to us, but can mean everything to a guy if we aren’t careful. Of course there are always guys out there who don’t think anything of it, but we have to know which guys those are. A confused boy is never a good thing :-P So maybe instead of a full hug, give a side hug. Make it awkward if you have to! It’s for their benefit.

What’s with these hints we give? We try to give hints saying that we like him. Or if we get the feeling that he is starting to like us and we don’t feel the same way, we try to give hints that say we aren’t interested. But why do we feel the need to do that? I think guys are right when they call us confusing! (haha- because we are!) We need to learn to just say it. The reason we don’t is because we don’t want to be shut down if he doesn’t like us, or we don’t want to hurt him by telling him we don’t like him. But when I’ve talked to guys, one of the top 5 things guys wish we would do is to just say it straight up. They can’t figure us out, let alone our guessing games! So when you have a guy ask if you like him or not, tell him yes or no. Don’t confuse him by making him guess what your answer is.

Flirting for somebody who is not dating and not married, is to play with someone’s emotions. If you want the actual definition of “flirt” it’s “playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest” Whichever definition you look at I would say that I don’t think flirting is right. Now is it bad? (haha well if a husband and wife are flirting..they have every right to “arouse sexual interest” Go FOR IT!) But then one girl I was talking to said that there are girls who, “just have an outgoing and bubbly personality” and are perceived as flirts when they really aren’t. This is tough because I feel like a lot of girls say that argument as a cover up for their flirtatious attitude. But then there are the girls who really are just friendly and nice, but I also feel like you can tell the difference.  I used to get told that I was a flirt all the time when I was younger, around the 13-15ish age and I used to get mad because people would call me a flirt. But then I realized that I did need to back off some.

Now, I’m not saying that being good friends with guys, giving hugs, teasing, and talking to guys is bad, it is TOTALLY not! Some of my best friends are guys, and I tend to hang out with guys more than girls. But it’s how you come across when being bubbly and friendly. Do you approach them with a flirtatious attitude? Or with a friendly attitude? Granted, there are a lot of people that don’t think there is a difference, but I found that there is a HUGE difference. Ever since I figured this out I have become the friendly girl, not the flirty girl. It’s a hard line to draw and figure out, and I know that there are probably some people who think I am still a flirt just because they don’t know me, but for the most part I think people know that I just have an outgoing personality. It’s been awhile since somebody has called me a flirt. They all know that I can be friends with the guys. So, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being never flirting and 10 being always flirting, where would you rank yourself?

-Kelly

{Note: Please leave all comments to Kelly about this post on her blog.}

Is it Right To…?

Two guy-related questions asked by my friends, girls in bible studies, and Bright Lights girls in the group I had. These are not rules to follow, simply guidelines and thoughts I’ve learned from my Bible studies. They have come up again and again in the last year, so I thought I would share them.

Is it right for me to relate to guys better than girls?

I think being able to communicate with guys easily is a gift. Some girls totally shun the opposite sex when they are teenagers, making it seem like they are snobby. Others go overboard and throw themselves at young men. It’s all about finding balance. I don’t think it’s wrong for a girl to be good at communicating with guys, provided what she shares with him is not too deep or personal. She should not manipulate in any situation. I don’t think it’s right that a girl “relates” to a guy more than she does her gender. Maybe that’s their term for communicating, but relating really means they get along with and understand guys more than girls. I’ve been learning more about feminine mystique, and how a girl should not be extremely close with young men. It asks for trouble, especially if the girl is not the reserved type. There should always be an air of mystery about us: it’s what makes the young man fall in love with us, pursue us, and eventually ask us to marry them. Without mystery, all the info about a girl is out in the open, nothing is a secret, and it’s easier for a guy to use her in the wrong way. It’s not fleeing temptation: it’s diving head first into the sin pool.

Relating to young men is fine, but we should try to understand and hang out with girls before guys.

A young girl asked me this very good question (below) that made stop and think. I actually had to give her an answer a few days later: it’s a toughy.

Is it okay to wear guy’s clothes- even sweatshirts?

I have been seen wearing my brother’s old, outgrown shorts, t-shirts, and hoodies on occasion. They are so comfy! Something about guy hoodies is magical: they’re roomy, soft, floppy and cuddly, and usually have a winning sports team’s name plastered on the front. Why do girls’ hoodies have to say Aero or AE and only Aero and AE and be stiff and formfitting?

Now onto the real answer:

I guess the answer to this question is by conviction. You should also ask yourself why you’re wearing the clothes. Is it because of rebellion against your feminine design? Are you just trying to keep warm? Are you wearing a boy (spacebar, spacebar) friend’s hoodie as a form of flirtation (manipulation)? There is a verse in the Bible that warns against men dressing like women and vice versa. It’s found in Deuteronomy 22:5-

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

Some people think pants are men’s clothing, and should wear dresses all the time. I think if that’s a lady’s conviction, then she should obey it and wear skirts. But, if a rule of skirts is forced on a girl, that’s not obedience to the Holy Spirit. It’s obedience to man.

And think about this: in the Bible time, everyone wore robes. In traditional China,  ladies wear pants and guys wear skirts. Culture may have a lot to do with what we wear. In parts of South America, the mode of dress are  gauchos. Plain pants and skirts are non-existent. So, you can’t say that culture is not an issue with the skirt-wearing issue. It is! Skirts are the very feminine dress in our culture. If it’s your conviction to wear them, that’s great!

There is nothing ‘Biblical’ about wearing skirts. They are modest and usually do not show off our legs and backsides.

That’s why I personally believe it’s by conviction.

Is it right to ride with a guy or vice versa- even if it’s a short distance?

If you know that this young man is completely and firmly trustworthy and responsible (and a great driver), then it should be okay.

But most of the time, guys aren’t the honorable, mature people we want them to be. In that situation, it’s best to have his sister or a friend to ride with you. This works well, there is accountabilty, and you get from point a to point b.

As for giving guys a ride, it’s best to see what your parents think. Every guy is different- and your parents know them better than I do.