An Invaluable 91 Cent Lesson

Paraphrased from When God Writes Your Love Story

“Hey Eric!” Steve yelled as I was getting comfortable in the yellow plastic McDonald’s booth. “Bob’s picking the Huskers to beat your team by twenty!”

 “What?” I screeched. “Bob, your Huskers will be lucky to come out of Folsom Field alive, let alone with a victory!”

  Ah… those memorable college days. There I was with my buddies, who like me were once again dateless on yet another Friday night. To ease our egos, we all headed to our favorite hangout to splurge our carefully budgeted spare 91 cents on a sumptuous ice cream cone and engage in serious guy talk.

  For all of you female readers out there who are interested in learning how guys tick, listen up. Whenever we get into a plastic booth, we become very predictable at least where conversation is concerned.

Sports. We talk about teams, argue, grunt, flex, make jabs, and all sort of tough things like that. Once we exhaust that topic, we talk about another favorite subject- food.

“Just bought 20 Ramen noodle packages for 2 bucks at Meijer….”

“No way, dude!”

Eventually, we move onto our endocrine systems. Hormones.

As Bob excitedly shared about this blonde who proofread his Ducks and Diseases paper, God reminded me of his control over this area of my life. It had been a few months since I had “let go of the pen,” but at times, I was still struggling. But he gave me a beautiful hope. He had been preparing me to be a husband, thus revealing to me someone was out there waiting for me.

Whoa!

If God’s plan for me was marriage, she’s walking around right now.

She’s alive!

I wondered what she was doing.

I wondered if she was looking at the moon and thinking of me.

It hit me.

She better not be hanging around a guy!

My mind was filled with a picture of someone who looked like Val Kilmer creeping a snakelike, slimy arm around her shoulder. Doesn’t the moon look peachy babe? I could hear his disgusting voice say.

Then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, I imagined his oversized lips coming in for an intercept on hers. Get your unbridled lips off my wife, turkey!

  My lips curled into a crazed snarl, and my eyes boiled with fury. My right hand formed a pulsing fist and smacked my open left hand with savage force. I was ready to kill this guy!

  Maybe my buddies thought it was an allergic reaction to ice cream (they didn’t bring it up, thankfully), but on a night where I blew a whopping 91 cents; I gained a truth.

 I desire purity in my wife.

—

Girls, don’t you think your future husband desires purity in you? Could you smile at what he would see you doing right now? Where you are going? With what you’re saying to other guys?

“Ishi”

“Ishi”

How I struggle with the idea of singleness! It only takes a happy newlywed couple to bring me to tears, asking God “Will I ever have a love story?” “Is it for me to be married?” “Am I supposed to be single?” No “real” answer. Just that little voice I love and sometimes hate at the same time: stop asking.

  It doesn’t help when I hear a few guys I know whisper things like “She’s holy, man!” ”Laura? Nah…” “She’s not a prude who asks you to stop doing things… but she sure is  moral.” “Do you know Laura’s got this commitment to never say I love you to guy until he’s engaged to her?” “I heard she wasn’t going to kiss a guy until her wedding kiss!” “Dude that is so wrong!”  (Interesting to note~ wrong is degraded to mean “not normal”)

It frustrated me to tears. God seemed farther way than usual, and I didn’t even do anything to run. Perhaps I was throwing a pity-party, but my view of God was turning into the classic pessimistic ‘God’s a cruel taskmaster.’

Last night, as I was praying through a Psalm, making it the cry of my heart, about to burst with those same questions; the Bible slipped off my lap. It fell open on the floor in Hosea 2. My eye fell on a paragraph that goes like this:

Ho 2:

 14 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.

 15 And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and thevalleyofAchorfor a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of thelandofEgypt.

 16 And it shall be at that day, saith the LORD, which thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.

 (KJV)

I was in tears. I hastily ran a background check (as I humorously call ‘looking up the root words’) on the main words.

  After reading the translations, I wrote the literal meaning in my journal.

  Therefore, I will allure {make room for, call away}her, and bring {sweep, carry, loosely: steal}into the wilderness {desert-place} and speak comfortably there {speak to her heart}

To verse 16:

  …thou shalt call me Ishi (husband), and no longer Baali {master}.

  I smiled up to God in my tears and thanked him for his faithfulness. I figure if a man won’t have me for being crazy about God and obeying His unusual convictions for me, that man is crazy about the wrong things.

  Ishi… my soul’s husband!

Any verses pop out to you, girls?

 

Stay At Home Daughter

Part One

  People won’t like the fact you are going to live at home until you marry.

Fact.

Expect their disapproval, but don’t be discouraged by it.

Prepare answers!

  There’s a passel of myths swirling around the church community and abroad, tricking people into thinking our time at home is a time of… laziness. Unless a stay at home daughter is making no contributions to the family household whatsoever, this daughter is not wasting her time at all. People at church grill me almost every week because, well, I’m weird. And weird (to them) means sheltered, narrow-minded, stupid, and maybe even lazy. Some of the questions I’m asked are:

  “Don’t you want to have a life?” “Do you feel like your parents are forcing this on you?” “What about college? Do you mean you aren’t going away?” “Maybe you’re just afraid of the real world.” “Why not move out and get an apartment when you’re graduated?” “What if you’re dad and mom die?” “Maybe your parents are making you do this because they know you’re not ready and are naïve?” “How can you say you like living at home?” “Don’t you want to learn life skills?” “You won’t know what’s new in technology and in the culture if you’re not in it!” “What? You’re graduated/graduating?” “What about socialization?!”

  I’d like to attempt to destroy these myths and give you an idea of how to go about answering similar questions that may be asked of you.

  “Don’t you want to have a life?”

I usually laugh, because I find this question forthright and hilarious. I ask them to define “life” and what “life” entails. Remember: the battle over ideas is a battle over the definition of words- when words lose their meaning, people lose their lives (and debates). Life, to them, is a fun-filled, outing based, social time where a girl spends her single time growing socially, shirking her duties at home. “Life” means that I should not be ‘stuck’ inside a house all day. “Life” is all about me!

  Life, in God’s definition is serving others, learning all I can before some guy steals me from my mom and dad , and getting a grasp on reality: LIFE is not about FUN, is not FAIR, or is of things FRIVOLOUS, nor is it based on crammed social agendas! My mom told me recently that life is not about the next great thing to look forward to: it’s about looking forward to the next thing God tells you to do. How true.

 “Do you feel like your parents are forcing you to do this?”

Not at all. My dad is really one who says “Whatever you do is fine, honey,” in most situations. He would not force me to do anything- unless it is something that I would benefit from, like sticking out a class at a co-op, or when I was younger eating all my veggies. My mom likes loves to see me carry out my convictions and obey the Holy Spirit. She is full of guidance, and is definitely one of my best friends; but I came to discover the idea of Stay at Home Daughterhood by myself, through reading.

 After being at home for so long, they assume your parents have an attachment problem and will not let you go! You can help this by one verbal move; but it is hard to make someone change their mind about you.

Simply speak of your commitments as your own. Don’t say “My dad wants me to wear skirts.” “My mom doesn’t want me to go to this activity.” Make your commitments your own. “I prefer skirts, they are more modest.” “That activity would not benefit me.” This will erase the idea of “bondage” into parents passing on convictions, or a ”teach them to your children” outlook, or even “indoctrination”. Proving the commitments are accepted and fine by your book doesn’t make your parents look like captors.

Suggested resource list-(do in order )

1. Read: So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

Listen to the CD by these girls: Strength and Dignity for Daughters

Watch: Return of The Daughters

2. Joyfully at Home by Jasmine Baucham (I really like this book, I apparently have a lot in common with Jasmine, so it really really hit home for me)

Watch: Dominion Oriented Daughters (Geoffrey Botkin)

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

I, again, ask those who are leaving book-long comments meant to stir up rabble rousers for the convention to S-T-O-P.

This is our family’s final year @ Midwest Homeschool Convention (unless they invite Ken Ham next year and allow AiG to display in the exhibition hall…). I’m excited to be going (though bittersweet, because of the grim events happening concerning AiG). I will be posting pictures and notes over the weekend, so be sure to check back!

Fly Around The Room Like A Bird and Spray Paint The Moon Green…

Augustine’s view of God was like that- or so Pelagius thought. God can make the rules- but since he’s God, he can keep the rules. We can’t. We’re ‘massa perditions’- lumps of sin.

If I told you to fly around like a bird, it would be very funny and you’d think me to be halfway to the nut house. But, if a professor at college told you to do these things, and said you’d fail if you were unable, you’d probably get frustrated and leave. Nobody could spray paint the moon green- much less fly around the room like a bird…

  Recently, I delved into the Augustine vs. Pelagius matter (what? My library doesn’t have Pelagius???), and I’m quite… entertained by it. People have argued this for centuries, and if you’re not familiar with the issue, and you’d like a brief summary of the argument, pay attention to this dialogue:

  Augustine: Hey God, since you’re up there as a known fact, how about you make up some rules. Only, since you’re God, you make sure you keep them- cuz we sure can’t…it’s impossible!”

  Pelagius: Hey buddy- are you saying that God would make laws He knows you can’t keep? And punishes you for not keeping them? What’s up with that??? Is that even right?

Augustine: Of course, that’s exactly right.

(bold- adapted from dear old Dr. Bauman)

 This ages old argument intrigues me. Filius Dei vs. Massa Perditions (Children of God vs. Lumps of Sin)

  There are too many different sides to each story…

This battle is one not over God’s nature, but I believe it’s over human nature.

Ah well, to elaborate on this topic would take fifty lifetimes. I’d encourage you to get lost in this matter, too. Read the books. Study the people. Conclude for yourself…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  During my break, so much GOOD happened! But, I doubted a lot for several weeks. I felt like doing nothing, I felt very sick, and bad news kept coming. There was good news, though. An answer… but more on that later.

   “Winter… what a pretty word for such a long, dreary time…”

  We thought it was over, the feet of snow that had piled up around us was melted, the field were flooding, the air was warm- if you’d call 35 degrees warm!

  Then the temperatures plunged below the 20 degree mark, and took my high spirits with it. The snow came again, ice too. The ice came around my heart and tempted me to become bitter at, well, everything. The woman I thought was going to be a nice lady to talk to and learn from ended up just being nosy and jealous because she wanted to know what it was like being a “sheltered” homeschooler- and wondering why I was so good when her foster daughter was so bad. 

The women at church talked of meeting once a month for lunch, {exciting prospect}, but I learned they only met to discuss “Christian” romance novels {Will Levi Miller catch Susanne Zook? Find out now in this cut and dried yet excitingly distracting new Amish romance!!}. My chair was taken away at choir and I was moved to an area far away from the action. The news came I wasn’t going to the internship came that Tuesday. I was not asked (once again) to be in the church’s Resurrection Sunday drama. I sat alone every Sunday in Sunday school. Nobody talked to me, people purposed to leave me out. To rub it in, a lady told me to “bloom where I was planted”. What if I haven’t been planted? Or, if I have… what if I’m not getting a chance for sun, water, and Miracle Gro? Maybe I’m wilting?

 I re-read Contentment by Lydia Brownback over two nights, reading the verses and soaking up the thoughts. It blessed me, and had me asking questions about my life. Your comments, dear readers, also helped to motivate me to seek God’s will. 

 I decided to wholeheartedly see what God had in store for me. I decided to try my hand at being patient and waiting for my time to serve.

  It seemed God blessed me for that decision. On a night where once again, I felt like crying my eyes out and blaming Him for everything, I heard a whisper in my ear: “Trust me.”

  So I did.

I woke up that morning and to my utter amazement, I felt… joy. For the first time since that awful week full of bad news for me, I actually felt remotely happy. I sprang out of bed and leapt around my room listening to the Getty’s, over to my window to throw open the curtains wide. A view like none other greeted me. Overnight, the snow and ice had all melted, and there, sitting on the roof of the neighbor’s house were two robins! Spring was on its way! It was an exhilarating sight. The goldfinches and doves had returned as well. A few days after that, the doves began to coo- a glorious sign of spring. SPRING!! I haven’t heard that wonderful sound since September… ah!

  My thirst for books struck anew- if that is possible. More, more, more, MORE! I’ve re-read my whole collection in a matter of nearly 2 weeks. Hungry to learn. Hungry for more… I’ve checked out every single book at the library on the Russian communist revolt of 1917-1991. I want to learn! I’m going to study every single major event in history this summer.

  It seemed encouragement and hope was popping up around the corner- little girls at AWANA hugged me and told me they loved me, and that God loved me too. A little deaf girl hung on my arm, smiling up at me with an unparalleled cuteness. I signed “I Love You” to her, and she signed back “I love you more more more.”

  There were spectacular sunsets to behold, wonderful songs to be written, verses to commit to memory. There were friends to meet, Sparks to lead, and fellowships to attend. God kept me busy, indeed. He gave me so much more than He’s ever taken away! Has God ever really taken anything away from me other than my sin? I wondered. Every good gift comes from above…all things work together for good…

Even when things happened that were bad to me, I realized- nothing is bad if it means I get to grow closer to the King of Kings. Really think about that name… King OF Kings. He wants me? Why would He want me- or even want to do good for me? I wondered what the “good” was.

 The day or so after the news came about the internship; a song touched my heart- one that I had never heard before. It’s called “A Greater Yes.” After listening to that song, I wondered, “What’s the greater yes to all this? It seems so fragmented, it doesn’t make sense… I’m confused!!” Everything was seemingly working together for Iowa… but now what?

   The answer came a few days later:

“Dear Laura,

“We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted to attend our worldview camp in Wisconsin…”

This August, God is calling me to Summit once again. All that working together for what seemed like that opportunity for interning was working for Summit.

That’s not all…

For the past several years, I’ve asked to teach Jr. Church and at VBS, but when I was 13, I was told I had to be16. When I was 16, I was told 18. This past week, I was given not only one but THREE teaching jobs. I am teaching at VBS in July, Jr. Church during the month of July, and JR. Jr. church in November. These jobs would not have been possible if I were in Iowa…

I’ve worked on my book, getting it into a more organized format. But, I only write about 5-6,000 words about a topic and can’t think of anything more to say! Not sure what I’ll do about that. I seem to have idea bursts that go away after 20 minutes of typing.

  I’ve been reading, studying, and analyzing my collection of Clive Staples Lewis- taking notes, reading critiques online. I highly recommend the Weight of Glory. [A good order to read CS Lewis in is:  Mere Christianity, Abolition of Man, Problem of Pain, Screwtape Letters, Miracles, and Weight of Glory. After that, I’d have to say any order, because they do not expound or require prerequisites].

  I’d also like to order as many DVDS and CDs from Vision Forum as I can! I am almost being overtaken by this hunger to LEARN!!!!!! I want to especially buy the Homestead Blessings series- if any of you have a set or one DVD, pretty pwease tell me about it. Or, recommend a CD or a book- if you’d like.

 Now I close this {really long} return post by saying~ I’m back! And I shan’t leave you again… until August. Oh, and this year, you can send me mail/letters and packages [hopefully full of letters, Twizzlers and Cheezits] while I’m at camp- address and details to come later. I love mail- and getting a lot of mail at camp would be so wonderful! Really, it would. I’m serious. {not to hint or anything}

PS~ I’m going to be at Midwest Homeschool Convention, and am planning on meeting up with a Bright Lights leader I met through blogging- Allison. If anyone else from bloggy-land will be there, please let me know- I’d love to meet you. Don’t think you’ll just run into me eventually- cuz this conference is HUGE (rumored to be 18,000 people there this year). The place is enormous- it takes about 30-45 minutes to get through the main halls from one back corner to kitty front corner. 

  Yahoo! I feel as though I could cram my brain with just about anything!

{insert a very happy, contented sigh right here}

It feels good to press that publish button again…

In the announcer-voiced words of my radio dad:

*We now return to our regularly scheduled programming*

Pressure to Be Attached

People call me crazy. People also call me stupid. Let me explain:

A smattering of guys have, at one time or another, confessed their undying, hormone related affection for me. I don’t want any of it. It’s distracting, and once these young men started hinting blatantly at liking me, the friendship hurled went downhill. I still have a good friendship with one, but it is because of being careful. I don’t reply to flirtatious comments, look at him when he sighs loudly, or tell him if I like him back. For the most part, he understands. I think. I spend a lot of time praying about “Alexander” but he is not the foremost of my thoughts. People usually tell me to go after him, because after all, I’m nearly of marriageable age, and of course, they only want me to be “happy.” When I say that I’m happy without a boyfriend or the prospect of getting one, most pat me on the arm and say I’m deceiving myself and someday that will change. Ha. Far from it, folks.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I sure would like to be married sometime in my life. But God has given me a greater desire, a desire stronger than having a husby or a bunch of kids. That desire I have is from Him and for Him. God’s will takes over any thought I may have over Sir Charming the Gallant. If only more girls would stop playing the dating game and learn that contentment in Christ is the key to life!

“Who is this?” asked an old man of a 20-something woman.

“This is my boyfriend… Charles” the girl declared proudly.

It was amazing how much was said in those few words. This girl had been involved in my youth group for several years, all the while encouraging us not to seek after a guy but follow after the Lord. She should have led by example. While declaring she was not looking for a relationship, she started a singles group, researched ‘singles explosions’, and went to every event she could find where available men were. After three years, her search was successful. She has a boyfriend, and she talks of him all the time. Her identity is not in who she is in Christ, it’s who she is with her boy. You see, the young lady equates being fulfilled and human with being attached. Not so! What makes us human (profoundly human) is the Gospel! It makes us see our enormous need for help…and makes us become fulfilled after we’ve let Jesus fill that need. The Gospel is enough to satisfy. Stop living like it isn’t.

Those who “date around” want to have a great marriage someday, that’s unanimous! But, when it comes down to who they date, the standard is set quite low. Over the years, missionary dating has become popular at my church. It started with one couple, then it snowballed. Another couple started, and another, and then, this aforementioned girl found herself an unbelieving boy. The first relationship that started it all sadly ended when they found the “converted” girlfriend was fooling around at college.

It seems that dating is like a snowball. It starts out with a faithful Christian girl and a guy. She is serious about her walk with God, and every day is like a mountaintop experience. They date, get involved, and break up. The girl blames God for her problems, and starts look for another guy. The cycle repeats with several more guys, adding baggage, making the process of “backsliding” go faster. Things gain momentum. The snowball builds up more ‘junk’ and keeps rolling… downhill… faster and faster… until crash! The whole thing blows up in her face and her life is at the bottom of the hill. In order to get back to the top, she must get serious and start depending on God again for everything! Only then can she have a deep relationship with God and get back on the victorious mountaintop.

The reason for unbalanced relationships is the preset standard (or the lack thereof). Most people have no standard or even the slightest idea what they’d like to see in Prince Charming. As young women, we shouldn’t swoon over what our dear Johnny should look like. We should be praying for his character, his strength, and his spiritual well-being!

As I looked into qualities of husbands, I found absolutely no standard of any sort out on the Internet. Not even a bare minimum or a few requirement ideas. Sure, every girl is different, but there’s the need to set a standard and a few expectations to get her thinking about the kind of man she’ll marry someday.

Hence the big surprise. (No, it’s not that I’m getting married, but thanks anyway to those who asked!!) It’s a list of potential qualities that you should think about. This isn’t final gospel, and I’m only a weak, finite human, so it’s not a law to follow. Rather, this is a list to get you thinking. Take ideas from this list and start building your own. Tell me about some of the qualities you came up with on your own!

Check it out- The List  

This list will only be up for the week of Valentine’s… (February 14th-February 19th)

Temptation and Contentment

Lately, I’ve felt weak in the area of keeping to my commitment of courtship. It’s especially hard when, at church on Sundays, I get an older lady or two advertising their grandson to me in subtle ways.

It was even harder when I got a date proposal to go and see Pam Tebow give her testimony over a formal dinner with a guy I happen to umm, ahem, like.

gulp gulp

Even though I turned the offer down, I found myself wondering what would’ve taken place at the meal. Immediately, I felt guilty of not trusting God for His best.

Turns out, the lesson for tonight’s bible study meeting is contentment. Putting together a lesson on something you’re currently struggling with is always fun, becauseI immediately fix my problem spot right away.

He brought the following verse to me about living a contented, Jesus in control life:

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God

Proverbs 14:30

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Galatians 5:26

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

I should not begin to envy a sinful lifestyle full of of frivolty and dating. I remembered that God is God and I am supposed to be still. I also learned that God will always get me through a big temptation, and help me become content.

Then, I was reminded of Fanny Crosby. She’s my contentedness model for tonight’s lesson.

‘Oh, what a happy soul I am,
Although I cannot see,
I am resolved that in this world
Contented I will be.

How many blessings I enjoy
That other people don’t
To weep and sigh because I’m blind
I cannot nor I won’t.’

What a woman! She said she wouldn’t trade her blindness for sight because she wanted to give God glory!

I want others to say someday:

What a woman! She wouldn’t trade her singleness for a premature dating relationship because she wanted to give God the glory!

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. he’s not the hard to conquer with Christ on your side. He’s the winner, after all, in the end.   God made you exactly the way you are right now. Get down on your knees and thank HIM!

(PS, I’m deliciously happy today, btw. Always am on study days!)

Waiting For His Perfect Will

Before the earthquake in January, I never thought about Haiti:

                                not once in a year,

                                        much less in a day.

Now, all I can think about is Haiti.

I didn’t hear about the earthquake until a week after it happened. I didn’t see any newscasts.  I heard stories of how the Haitian people made pacts with the devil, and began to feel sorry for them- wondering why they would do such a thing. The earthquake was God’s judgment. It must be. They would have to get out of the mess by themselves. That’s how I felt at the time.

In April, I began to think about them more, all those orphans, the homeless, the hungry. I would lie in bed at night and stare at the ceiling, praying that God would take care of the girl on the streets who felt near death. I prayed for the boys I knew who were picking through a dump for something to eat. I began to dream that I was there: I heard babies cry, dreamed that I was walking down the street with people tugging on me, asking for food.

At first, I didn’t want to consider these people. These people who made a pact with the devil. They would have to rescue themselves. God meant it to be that way, right? I wrestleed with that question. Is their problem theirs, or is it my resposibilty to help them? I wondered.

In June, I began to hear the word missionary, and my brain would make it synonymous with Haiti. I felt I must do something-

- and I’m still not sure what exactly the Holy Spirit is telling me.

For some reason, Haiti has been laid on my heart- and I don’t know what to do next. Recently, I remembered the annual Operation Christmas Child ministry of Samaritan’s Purse. My family and I do OCC every year, along with our church, and I wondered if the shoeboxes would go to Haiti this year. Sure enough! They are sending the shoeboxes to Haiti this year, and for now, that seems to be the way to help Haiti.

But I feel I could do more…

…that the Lord has something else for me to do…

…but what?

Sometimes, God’s leading isn’t as clear as we’d like it to be. I’ve known Him to be very clear in times past, such as when we found $200 on the ground, and it was the exact amount we needed at the time, or when the IRS sent us a check for close to the amount of Summit camp. But, God often likes to show His power in mysterious ways: ways that astound us and make us wonder how He thought of putting the blessing out that way. If you’re like me, wondering what God has in store for you, whether it be marriage, missions work, singleness, a local job, or choosing a college; I’d encourage you to pray. Don’t take major risks: you don’t want to be outside of God’s will. Wait for His leading: rushing ahead of God is like not looking both ways to cross a state highway! It’s not safe.

The words of Ecclesiastes 3:11 are pinned up beside my bed: (ESV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Think about that verse! It will all be be beautiful in His time! He is wiser, juster, and greater than we can ever plan out for our futures- Romans 11:33 ~ Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!

So, if you are searching for God’s will right now in the smallest area of your life, know that He will work in your life, for good. Trust Him, He is not going to disappoint.

That’s a guarantee.

Desires, Choices, and Young Men

Do you have a “husband list?” I do! ” The Husband List” is the term I use for the ever growing list of character qualities, physical abilities, and so on I desire in a husband. As of this month, the list is in the 300′s. (Dear future hubby I have yet to meet: NO PRESSURE!)

Most of us want a classic gentleman. We desire an honest, hardworking lad who is strong of mind and body. Someone who is forgiving and full of love. A man who won’t compromise and stands alone. A guy who is intelligent and funny. Someone who will never let us feel lonely again.

I was thinking last night about how often God places desires in our heart. I can honestly say most, if not all, of the list is a manifestation of the desires God has placed in my heart.  I know God has placed these desires in my heart to be a wife and mother someday. The more I thought about this, I realized God places those desires in our hearts to draw us closer to Himself.  No man on earth could possibly fulfill every single want and need we have. He may pass “The Husband List” test, but we all understand there’s quite a few things a man cannot do. Man cannot solve every problem that comes up. Men do not know the future. Men fail. Men lie. Men are sinful. In fact, all humans have a sinful nature- and none of us can change the fact.

So what’s with these desires? I don’t think we come up with them ourselves. because we’re supposed to look for a man with character like Jesus! God’s Son!

God cannot fail us. He is our true Prince Charming. He places these desires for a true Prince to bring us closer to Him. As young women, our deepest desire is to be married someday. I’d like to encourage you to run into your true Prince Charming’s arms. He is the Gentleman of your dreams. He can fulfill every longing and need if we just trust Him. He is enough to satisfy- no doubt about it. I believe if we learn to love Christ first- our intense desire for earthly romance will become more controllable. If we do not have Christ first, we will be unhappy. We know that much is true. So, when we settle for less by dating around and not waiting for God’s best, we will feel unfulfilled and unhappy. I thought about what would happen if you did marry ‘the right one’ God had shown you, but Christ is not your first love. Your husband is. Would you be happy? I honestly don’t think so. When God puts a longing in your heart, it is with purpose. When you stray from it, and don’t run to Him first for fulfillment, I can’t imagine being content.

Are there godly men out there? Yes, I can name some. But, are there perfect men out there? No. Don’t bother thinking there are and stop pursuing them. It is an illusion that is portrayed in every Hollywood romance. The real world is full men who err, who sin. Not that all men are bad, but they are simply bad by nature. As I thought through this, I also realized that your husband should understand that Christ is first in your life. And that should build you up together.

But we too often allow our desires to overtake us. Wild thoughts turn into emotions, and we start doing things we shouldn’t. Acting on the Spirit’s leading, parent’s direction, and experiences prior, we make wiser choices. Our parents know what is good for us, we know from common sense and past good or bad situations what we should and shouldn’t do. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is working for good in our lives to the glory of God. But choosing to act on emotions, which change by the hour, our choices go skiing downhill.

Manipulation begins when we act on how we feel. Young women like to start things. They initiate conversations, friendships, clubs, and fun outings. They intiate studies of the Word of God. There’s nothing wrong with getting things started. Women have an influence on men that most of us do not realize. Women help men lead well, but they can help men lead badly. When we stop letting men lead, and begin to initiate and lord over them, it is safe to say that this is manipulation and going against God’s design.

The thing we should never initiate is a romantic relationship with a guy. When we like a guy, that attraction overtakes common sense. We find ourselves seeking out this man, ways to be near him, know him, know about him, and know his family. Our thoughts turn more towards him instead of Christ: these thoughts are based on emotion. Our emotions are strong, unpredictable, and contrasting. The more I think about manipulation, the more dangerous it seems! How can we make decisions based on our feelings? Feelings come from the heart, which is basically sinful. Jeremiah 17:9~ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it? Our heart cannot be fixed to be perfect, and make all the right choices. We cannot trust our emotions. But we can trust the Holy Spirit. When we draw closer to him, we make better choices, big decisions become easier, and we tend to hesitate less. Boys do appreciate when we stand back and let them do the intiating. Manipulation is wrong, dishonest, and demeaning. Please, please, please don’t get impatient and give in!

We must use self-control when dealing with everyone: including guys. I know of a time when my dad (who does things like most men: the hard way) was called inside to eat dinner. Our family is unusual: we eat around the table, as a family, every night. Sometimes one of us is visiting a friend’s, at work, or in this case, a little late. We had been waiting, sitting at the table for a few minutes, and my dad came in from the yard. He took his time washing his hands in the bathroom. Then, he went the opposite direction from the dining room and headed into the living room. He started shutting all the curtains, checking the thermostat, etc. As a hungry girl staring at delicious-smelling food, my first instinct was to yell at my dad. Sometimes I do, but this particular time I didn’t. That’s self control- something I still have to work at. But how can we apply self control to our friendships with guys when we can’t excersise it at home? Our parents may be a little backwards according to us, but that’s how they work. You can’t change them and shouldn’t try to, no matter how much you want to. That’s the way it is with young men. Don’t try to go after them and tell them every little thing you like and dislike about them. Apply self-control.

Our ‘Husband Lists’ should not be determined by culture. We’ve all seen the downhill trek that society has been making for the last 75 years. Societies are shaky, they come and go, and are determined by humans. (Back to our sinful nature!) The standards we have should be higher. Way higher. Expectations have hit all time lows- and I don’t expect them to rise anytime soon. With low expectations on us girls, people just expect us to get married to the first moral-but-mediocre dude who asks. Higher standards will look crazy to those around us. Even my Christian friends think I’m crazy when I tell them about my ideas concerning love. They laugh because of high standards. They laugh becasue they’ve never heard of such a thing called courtship. They laugh because they aren’t sure how to respond to a person actually applying God’s Word to all of their life, not just part of it.

But that’s fine by me. I don’t want their approval. I don’t need it! All I want is the smile of Christ and a still small voice saying “Well done.”

Since I am only 16  and single, and have a long way to go in maturing in Christ, these are just thoughts. But really, I have never felt so happy and content since I stopped looking for the one and starting looking to the One. It’s amazing! Pursue Him, He is enough! We do need to have a plan, however. If we don’t- we won’t go anywhere. That plan must be in God’s will. That plan must be seeking to please Him, not gain money and material things for ourselves. Simply act in obedience to the Holy Spirit, and God will show you what you’re going to do next. If your life goal is contrary to that, and getting married is top priority, you’re making a wrong decision.

Don’t look. Prepare. Build Jesus into your life, don’t try to fit Him in here and there. Everything you do should be with His approval. If not, don’t do it.

Waiting IS Hard…But Worth It

Maybe it’s all the Valentine’s Day decorations lined up in stores, or perhaps the sight of all your peers pairing off at school, but waiting for God’s timing to bring the one to you seems especially hard in the winter.

It often seems harder with that certain bunch of acquaintances- you know, the ones who all have a ‘special someone,’ well, all but you. The talk of “Oh, Laura, you’ll find him someday” coming from girls leaning on the arms of their boyfriends seems almost like mockery rather than encouragement! I know the feeling all too well. Even though I do not care for the boys “in that way” or know the girls too well, I sometimes wonder what goes on between couples I know when they are not in public. That’s when the contentment returns with my commitment to wait. Who knows how innocent these faces really are- maybe they do what they say they do, but perhaps, and most likely, they do not. How much of their heart have they given away? Have they given it all to that person- or do they still have some fragments to give to their spouse?

While in high school, marriage is a long way off yet- and a person has no business to pair off exclusively with just one person and spend time with them only. Christian girls should treat their brothers in Christ with respect- and as if they were somebody else’s husband! How would you like to think of your future husband dating another girl right now? At this very moment, he could be taking her out for a nice dinner, and handing her a gift, or maybe he’s surprising her at her last home game… hold it. If you know your husband was out there somewhere and behaving like that you would be quick to say you are very upset and disappointed with him! Once you realize this, you must also realize that he would be just as angry with you for doing the same thing. We should try our best to remain above reproach and not defraud the opposite gender, attraction or not.

You are what you think about. I’m sure you’d agree with that cliche. Convicted murderers and thieves were often found to have seriously thought about doing what they did in the months leading up to their crime(s). If you spend your days daydreaming about when you’ll meet Mr. Right and if it’ll be love at first sight, well, what will you most likely be doing all the time? Looking for him! The best way to find a life partner is not to search for him- but get ready for him! One doesn’t spend all their school years looking for a college to go to- they are spending time learning and studying: in preparation for college. Just as a student wouldn’t show up on their first day at Harvard not knowing their ABC’s and numbers, a bride wouldn’t show up to her wedding without knowing how to cook, clean, work with kids, and many, many other things. Think of your single years as a type of school to prepare you for marriage. Do things that will expand your comfort zones and help you grow.

When it seems like you can’t wait another day for him, and when you are sick of seeing double, just remember this: waiting is hard, but so worth it.

Recommended books you should read:

What He Must Be… If He Wants To Marry My Daughter by Voddie Baucham- - this book is meant for fathers, but it’s good idea for young women to read as they make their “lists.” Also, young men preparing for marriage should read this- as they should genuinely strive to become the man described in this book.

Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally-a great encouragement for any young lady committed to waiting for God’s best!

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Dating=Devastation Part 2

~Standards of Conduct~

Ask yourself, would I act like this if my future husband was watching? Would I be proud to admit to him that I’ve kissed Luke and Tom and Tyler and Andy and Scott? Would I be comfortable flirting with Jeff? Would he be angry watching me? How would Christ act if he were me? Just think, there is somebody out there, thinking about you as their future spouse! They probably don’t know your name yet, what you look like or what your likes and dislikes are, and yet, he wonders what you’re doing and if you are coming along anytime soon. So, won’t it be fun to get to talking one day then admit that you’ve made out with every guy in your county?! No? But you said you wanted to have fun, right? You had fun- for a while. Now, as you confess what you’ve done, you feel so guilty! See? Dating is the cause of much pain and sorrow, simply through no accountability and low standards.

Save as much as you can for your future husband. Your first kiss, hug, love letter. I don’t mean your, as a couple, first kiss, but as an individual. I am intending to save my first kiss for my wedding day, and I wear a purity ring to remind me.

If you’ve already goofed up by giving away your first kiss, or even more, God is ready to forgive you and help you make a new start. Just ask him. He’s waiting with open arms.

If you haven’t given away anything yet, Praise God! Make the commitment today that you will wait on God’s timing to arrange your marriage. He will bring this young man into your life at the exactly right time, not any day sooner. Choose to prepare now for the ministry and work ahead of you. Don’t compromise or lower your standards. Take time to learn all that you can and teach others what you have learned. You won’t be sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to knock on your door… you’ll be ministry focused, and not boy focused.

“Whoa, WAIT? Like years? How is that possible for somebody like me? That takes a lot of faith, right?”

Yes, it does take a lot of faith, but not any more than it takes to get saved through faith in Jesus Christ. Trust is a must for any Christian in any situation, which includes courtship, of course.

“But times have changed. Courtship was used in the 19th century! There is no way this is going to work!”

Well, yes, times and fads are constantly changing. But Jesus died on the cross way back when, and do we need a new way to Heaven? No! Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! He is still working in the lives of his people in marvelous and mysterious ways. His laws, promises, and truths do not change. We still have the Bible after all these years, and it still works for us, right? Culture is always shifting to it’s new standard of “best” and “cool.” Just remember the God can do all things, no matter how ‘odd’ or ‘uncool’ or ‘impossible’ it seems. He’s working on you right now, in a puzzling, yet perfect, way.