‘Live With Purpose’ (a tidbit of Chapter 1 of my book)

How often do we think ‘September thoughts’? “Since the school year is starting, I will do ____” or “I can have 30 weeks to study ____ a little bit more.” It’s easy to think we can let our schedules and circumstances determine our life; to help our future along. It’s like living on autopilot: letting social life, full calendars, games, appointments, and homework become our purpose for living. And for us college women and beyond, it’s easy to think housework and college and chores is all that’s worth living for.

These activities are all worthy and many are necessary to living. Chores need to be completed. Homework must be finished. Doctors need to be seen. Teeth need to be filled. It’s life.

But, when we start to look to our calendars to determine what’s next, our lives are set to live on autopilot. And when a huge change comes (like graduation, for example), we aren’t sure what we’re supposed to do. We feel lost, like our social life has been stripped away; we feel like we have no reason to exist: like we have no purpose… like God has taken everything we liked to do away!

I confess I used to live on autopilot. Looking to the next thing on the list to determine what I should do. It is how we young single women start to feel discontent when we’re 18 or 21 or 30 and not married- or even seeing anyone. We’re too used to everything coming at us in an orderly fashion, being in control of our lives. When things like a job, marriage, or college don’t come our way, the discontentment sets in.

In reality, God is not taking anything away from us. WE are living without purpose.

“Our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in You.” Saint Augustine

So often, we’re caught up in living life to simply live life, we forget what we’re here for. We were made for God, not the next big thing! It is only when we live for God do we genuinely begin live vibrantly, wholly, and fully.

How do we do that?

Well… that’s what my book is all about!

Romans 8 (and what I’ve learned about the nature of God and the nature of me)

There is something about this chapter that draws me back to it over and over.

1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This whole chapter tells us who we are as Christians. If I ever successfully lead someone to Christ, and they ask “Then what?” I would take them through a study of Romans 8 then Ephesians. Hey, now that my book is in oblivion, I could start writing a study on this…

Anyway. ahem. I’ve come to realize yet again the only way to be genuinely content, happy, and Christ-centered is when I’m not pursuing things I want.

I’ve been learning a lot about prayer recently, too; and the verse about the Holy Spirit making known our requyests without even saying them eloquently makes me want to burst with peace and assurance! Since we are saved to do good works, and we cannot lose our salvation; we should constantly be seeking things above. Sometimes, sin distracts us, though. It doesn’t take much to pull us away from Christ, but sadly, it happens. We become a little more carnally minded than we should. We fall into a great heap of trouble and see no way out. I am so thankful for a God who loves me, but hates my sin with a holy passion! He opens my eyes to breaches in my wall, to echo Nehemiah’s dilemma. I am determined to not let the wall of my fellowship Christ around crumble or be diminished by anything of the Father of lies. 

That’s why I went through this process recently. Christ has become more real to me. I feel light, clean inside and out. Even if you’re not a set-apart “girl,” you warriors could benefit from taking a step back and examining your life, too. We’re all human. We all sin. Princess or Warrior, lady or gent’a'man, I hope you click on the link and take a look at what “Cleaning Out the Sanctuary” really means.  I dare you. Click on it!

Excited!!!!!!!

It seems too good to be true.

I never thought he’d notice me. Little old me, who hardly ever talked to him.

The guy really likes me. Wow!

A few years ago, I began to get to know him better, and immediately, I was hooked. I was in love.  He sent me little things quite often, trinkets to remind me of how much he liked me. I wasn’t sure if he really loved me-loved me, but I cautiously took the gifts, and he earned my full trust.

He was at Summit last year, taking me by surprise. I came expecting a few weeks of study, and there he was. It was so delightful to spend those weeks with him! An unexpected sweet surprise. Ahh!

Now I am completely head over heels with this guy- the person I’ll spend forever with.

I hope I can please him, and will try my best to remain faithful.

Girls, I can’t believe it! It’s a dream come true.

This Person loves me so much, He saved my soul.

(No, I’m not getting married… yet… but am eagerly awaiting the day I see my Groom face-to-face!!)

Stay-At-Home-Daughter

Sorry for my lack of posts these past few days- I’ve been reading all those wonderful books I bought and watching the entire “Homestead Blessings” DVD series we bought. I’ve also been trying to remember every book I’ve read since starting high school. So far, I have 793, but I know I’m forgetting many, many more.

Now, onto the post:

“Do you feel like your parents are making you do this because you are immature- or can’t make decisions?”

Not at all! A mature person understands that any rules or boundaries are a blessing. Nuff said. They let me bring a matter to them and they respond with their input, often giving me fresh insights I never considered. They leave the ultimate decision up to me, and it’s not very often I realize my parents way was not in line God’s.

“How can you say you like living at home?”

A woman at church told me that by doing online college, I would miss out on dorm living. She implied it was vital to my success. She also implied that she felt sorry for me because I would spend at least four years living at home.

The question to ask is not “How can you like living at home?” But rather, “Is living away from home the best thing for me?”

If you haven’t already noticed, I’m using the Colombo Question method. The method is used by Mr. Scott Klusendorf, the man who demolished the former ACLU chairwoman Nadine Strossen in debate.

Ask questions like “What do you mean by that?” “How did you come to that conclusion?” and “Why do you think that way?” Asking great questions keeps you ahead, and leaves a smaller burden for proof. I’ve never taken a debate class, because Klusendorf was all I needed.

“But don’t you want to learn life skills?”

Define life skills? Is it an ability to relate to others well- outside of your own home? Is it the undertaking of forsaking those who raised you for cold unknown places that seek to destroy your values? Really? What is a life skill? If learning a life skill means that I have to trade in my values and morals and convictions, then let me be. I’d rather have no life skills at all than no morals at all.

Life skills, to me are not only learning, but mastering homemaking, child-rearing (babysitting is awesome practice), and inter-personal communication. I believe taking girls away from home for several years destroys even the best of family relationships. When you have no protection of family near, you are weak. College campuses are where teachers promote complete independence,  indoctrinate the pupils by saying ”Think for yourself, don’t let anyone tell you what to think!” (my, how confusing!) They scramble the air waves and make war on the family. Going away from home to attend college is why America is losing family. Some colleges are pretty good, I’ve heard, but I’m not one to gamble away my morals.

Even the “apartment” situation is bad. See the word apart in there?!! Living on your own means no man to guard you, predators strike easily, stealing not only material valuables, but physical value that you are trying to guard. “It will never happen to me…” I know how that goes. It happened to someone I’m related to. For a young woman to say she wants to stay pure and is trying her best to do so cannot be living from out under her dad’s protection.

Life skills are important if correctly defined!

“You won’t know what’s new in technology and in the culture if you’re not around it.”

Yes, and I won’t know the fire’s hot unless I stand in it. And that bars are bad places if I’ve never drank. And that the ocean is there if I haven’t seen it.  I won’t know anything about anything unless I do something with it or in it. While it’s true that knowledge and wisdom come with experience, a lot of technology out there is put to bad use.

By staying at home, you send the message you want to be sheltered. There’s no way around it: people will think you behind the times. Recently, I battled a horrible cough for three weeks, and had to sit out of choir practice on Sunday night. So, I brought along my laptop and started working on bible study lesson PowerPoints, some blog posts, and my book. After practice was done, several people came over and asked me “So, you have a computer?” “Your parents let you online?” “You’re allowed to have a computer?” “Do you have a main one at home? Or did you have to get this as a necessary evil?” On and on they went.

There’s nothing wrong with acting- BEING plain, and people come to associate my family and I with weird, simple living. We buy our groceries for $50-100 a week, we like wear skirts on days other than Sunday (gasp! ), and we homeschool. Whenever we act otherwise (suchas athletic, popular, up-to-date, etc), people see it as breaking our personal dogma. One man found I was going to attend our homeschool group’s formal dance and said he was surprised I was allowed to go. (Note: the music is not “that type”; I’m not going to dance with boys; and I will be wearing a modest dress).

The “technology” or “modern” question will probably come to you, too. Remember, it’s not the technology or being modern that’s sin: it’s the abuse and misuse of technology. Having a cell phone to keep up with people you’ve witnessed to is not wrong. It’s the addiction to texting friends useless messages that is the misuse. (I’ve sent a grand total of twenty-seven texts in my whole life). People who think you’re different will treat you differently than others. They have respect, and they will always be shocked when you do things differently. They think of you highly, even if they seem to belittle you. They see you have higher standards and expect you to be very strange all the time. Perhaps they want what you have without the effort.

Follow your convictions in technology and things “modern”, not your heart and certainly not what others say.

“What?! You are graduating/graduated?”

When you spend so much time around your family, especially mom, people assume you’re still in school. Especially if you are the youngest or eldest (people in the middle seem to get mixed up enough already…) Especially when you have a big family, which makes the situation weirder to others. Especially if you’re like me, who is always annoyed by the “guess the age of this girl” game: I almost always get “You’re 14, right?” The more annoyed I get, the more the devil makes notice and does it again. And again. And again and again and again. My pastor was surprised when I handed him the form to rent the church hall for my graduation open house- coming this spring. He thought I had several years to go yet. A teacher in a co-op thought I was a sophomore. It gets discouraging. Women who taught me in Sunday school only a few years ago had the case of jaw-drop-itis.

Just because you still live at home doesn’t mean you’re still homeschooled.  

Fact is; people are going to think you are a lot younger than you really are.

There’s no way to answer them to make them think of you as older. You can only answer maturely, honestly, and humbly.

People look on the outward. Success is redefined as an outward trait.

Let me tell you a story…

Successful Woman??

There is a 20something girl in my church who never wears the same thing twice. Sunday service, Sunday evening, Wednesday night- all new shoes, all new outfit, new purse, new hairstyle. She recently got a job, which made people coo over her and her family: “She’s got a job? Oh! She’s all grown up!” It’s sickening, I know. This girl has a problem: she giggles at most anything you say to her- and she is called “cute adult” quite often. yet, she lacks in reserve by speaking up in church discussions, (women are to keep silent in the church- yet our pastor thinks they should have an equal say). She will not look an adult in the eye- neither will her sister. She looks away when I look her in the eye. So she brings her cell phone, and texts. And texts. And texts. People talk of her cute status updates on Facebook and Myspace, and laugh off how she didn’t know what to say to an officer when she was pulled over for speeding. The story has circulated that she called a neighbor to help beat down a robber in the middle of the night- only to discover the robber was her new chair by the window.

Just last month, an elderly lady told me I should be me light-hearted in my faith and not take life so seriously. “Why aren’t you more like Caroline?” She laughed. “You could learn from her.”

Would Jesus take life so seriously? What do you think? And what is your version of success? You don’t need to preach- just write about what you value and think is important in life. Make a list, if you’d like. (I don’t hate long comments ) That’s the end of the Stay-at-Home-Daughter for awhile.

Midwest Homeschool Convention Part 1 + S-A-H-D

Hello all! My family is in Cincy for the Midwest Homeschool Convention! There was a lot of answer to prayers today! We left extra early and arrived around 1, an hour before registration- but the traffic- OH- that was horrible! The opening day for the Reds was today, and there was a parade right downtown, people every where… so confusing! Then, we couldn’t find a parking garage! All were full, as far as we could tell. So I prayed, “Lord help us find a parking garage!” We were directed to a garage; but last year the same garage was full-after we were admitted they found they let in one car too many! This time, we found a spot, way up on the roof. It was amazing that it had a lovely view, and was near the stairs (blessing!). The weather was deliciously warm- and LEAVES  WERE ON THE TREES! REAL GREEN LEAVES!!!!! What an amazing sneek peak of spring- we Michiganders have three or four weeks left for leaves to appear .

Sarah Mally’s session, though I’ve heard it four times before, was the one that really stuck out in my mind. As a Bright Light’s leader, the tips she shared for moms mentoring daughters spoke to my heart as a young woman mentoring four sweet girls. She spoke on protection (the hows as well as what, whom, and whys); being on their side; and training in godliness.

Also, the session on memorizing was a good one, notes to come!

Thankfully, no riots yet in the Ham vs. Enns issue.

Tomorrow is a busy day, and though I’d like to post more (pictures, notes, other answers to prayer), I leave you with this pre-typed post:

Stay At Home Daughter

Part 2

   “What about college? Do you mean you’re not going away?”

Yes, I am not going away, but I will go to college. I plan to complete my degree with College Plus at Bryan College- over the Internet.

  People assume that because we are not doing things the ‘conventional’ way, we are afraid or anxious of new things. They want to see us “succeed”. But what is success? Living in a sorority? Being separated from family by thousands of miles? Distancing yourself from old friends and mentors? That sounds like a sure formula for failure to me!

  However, I do believe that it’s okay to do shorter term studies that will boost your faith and recharge your soul. A college campus couldn’t do that. Ellerslie, Rivendell, Summit gap-year programs, and internships are good to apply for and attend. These things usually do not last more than 4-5 months, and you aren’t committed to four years away from home. A part-time job may be in order, too. I’m looking into working as a hotel receptionist for awhile in a nearby tourist town.

  “Maybe you’re afraid of the real world.”

  One lady has stated this to me twice- and I’m not sure if knows what she’s talking about most of the time anyway, but thought I’d include this statement.

Again, I ask them, Please define “real world”. What is the real world? Usually, they can’t come up with a real answer- saying things such as: “Well, like, um, you know, beyond your house!”  So I’m not in the world inside, but when I step outside I’m suddenly in the world? “No, I don’t mean that, I mean, like other people and stuff.” So, co-workers, cashiers, bankers, and policemen? “Yeah, people like that.” What about them? “If you’re at home a lot, how do you talk with people outside of your house?”  What am I doing with you right now? (questioner’s face turns red)

   Girls, use logic and common sense in such debates, and you will easily prove you are more than capable of relating to the real world. J

  “Why not move out and get an apartment?”

 Why would I purposely distance myself from people who love me? Did God say anything about leaving home in His word? Nope- well, if you count the story of the prodigal son, there’s no stories of young people moving out on their own. Besides, the prodigal son was leaving in sin, anyway, and for the wrong reasons.

  It seemed women of the time were very protected, married or unmarried: In the historically accurate movie The Nativity Story- it shows that Mary didn’t live on her own; she left her father’s house and went with Joseph. It was the only option of the time. Live at home with family or with your husband. Ruth went to a new land with her mother in law of all people. The Bible also talks of a young person “leaving father and mother” to join their spouse in a new home. It doesn’t say “leave your four room rented flat and single girl living situation and head off to hubby’s.”

  Expect an answer like this: “Well, that was a long time ago and culture has changed, and not everything can be brought back to Bible times because it’s 2011 now…” Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?! Why should we try to go back and live in the past? We need to embrace the here and now and fit the Bible to apply to our lives. That’s why Christians are so defeated today! We need to adjust the Bible to fit us!  Anyone volunteering for writing the modern plan of salvation?! I’ve said that to the same lady who asked the real world question, and she told me that someday I’d understand how the world really works…

The real world is in the eye of the beholder.  Each beholder sees differently, based on convictions. When the person is caught in Christ, the convictions may vary, but we will all have harmony, unity, and brotherhood.

That is the beauty of the Church!

Stay At Home Daughter

Part One

  People won’t like the fact you are going to live at home until you marry.

Fact.

Expect their disapproval, but don’t be discouraged by it.

Prepare answers!

  There’s a passel of myths swirling around the church community and abroad, tricking people into thinking our time at home is a time of… laziness. Unless a stay at home daughter is making no contributions to the family household whatsoever, this daughter is not wasting her time at all. People at church grill me almost every week because, well, I’m weird. And weird (to them) means sheltered, narrow-minded, stupid, and maybe even lazy. Some of the questions I’m asked are:

  “Don’t you want to have a life?” “Do you feel like your parents are forcing this on you?” “What about college? Do you mean you aren’t going away?” “Maybe you’re just afraid of the real world.” “Why not move out and get an apartment when you’re graduated?” “What if you’re dad and mom die?” “Maybe your parents are making you do this because they know you’re not ready and are naïve?” “How can you say you like living at home?” “Don’t you want to learn life skills?” “You won’t know what’s new in technology and in the culture if you’re not in it!” “What? You’re graduated/graduating?” “What about socialization?!”

  I’d like to attempt to destroy these myths and give you an idea of how to go about answering similar questions that may be asked of you.

  “Don’t you want to have a life?”

I usually laugh, because I find this question forthright and hilarious. I ask them to define “life” and what “life” entails. Remember: the battle over ideas is a battle over the definition of words- when words lose their meaning, people lose their lives (and debates). Life, to them, is a fun-filled, outing based, social time where a girl spends her single time growing socially, shirking her duties at home. “Life” means that I should not be ‘stuck’ inside a house all day. “Life” is all about me!

  Life, in God’s definition is serving others, learning all I can before some guy steals me from my mom and dad , and getting a grasp on reality: LIFE is not about FUN, is not FAIR, or is of things FRIVOLOUS, nor is it based on crammed social agendas! My mom told me recently that life is not about the next great thing to look forward to: it’s about looking forward to the next thing God tells you to do. How true.

 “Do you feel like your parents are forcing you to do this?”

Not at all. My dad is really one who says “Whatever you do is fine, honey,” in most situations. He would not force me to do anything- unless it is something that I would benefit from, like sticking out a class at a co-op, or when I was younger eating all my veggies. My mom likes loves to see me carry out my convictions and obey the Holy Spirit. She is full of guidance, and is definitely one of my best friends; but I came to discover the idea of Stay at Home Daughterhood by myself, through reading.

 After being at home for so long, they assume your parents have an attachment problem and will not let you go! You can help this by one verbal move; but it is hard to make someone change their mind about you.

Simply speak of your commitments as your own. Don’t say “My dad wants me to wear skirts.” “My mom doesn’t want me to go to this activity.” Make your commitments your own. “I prefer skirts, they are more modest.” “That activity would not benefit me.” This will erase the idea of “bondage” into parents passing on convictions, or a ”teach them to your children” outlook, or even “indoctrination”. Proving the commitments are accepted and fine by your book doesn’t make your parents look like captors.

Suggested resource list-(do in order )

1. Read: So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

Listen to the CD by these girls: Strength and Dignity for Daughters

Watch: Return of The Daughters

2. Joyfully at Home by Jasmine Baucham (I really like this book, I apparently have a lot in common with Jasmine, so it really really hit home for me)

Watch: Dominion Oriented Daughters (Geoffrey Botkin)

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

I, again, ask those who are leaving book-long comments meant to stir up rabble rousers for the convention to S-T-O-P.

This is our family’s final year @ Midwest Homeschool Convention (unless they invite Ken Ham next year and allow AiG to display in the exhibition hall…). I’m excited to be going (though bittersweet, because of the grim events happening concerning AiG). I will be posting pictures and notes over the weekend, so be sure to check back!

What Stay At Home Daughter Does NOT Mean

Almost every week I am asked questions about my choice to live at home through college. I try to answer them, and have actually written out several answers to some questions.

Then it turned into a blog series.

Over the next few days (weeks?months?) I hope to share with you 14 frequently asked questions about being a “Stay At Home Daughter’. Maybe more. Make that probably more.

I’d also ask you to do your part and share some FAQ’s you are commonly asked, answers you share with the ask-er, and some other answers I might come up with. I may turn your Q/A into a blog post (with your link, of course, if you have one )

Spread the word!!