‘Live With Purpose’ (a tidbit of Chapter 1 of my book)

How often do we think ‘September thoughts’? “Since the school year is starting, I will do ____” or “I can have 30 weeks to study ____ a little bit more.” It’s easy to think we can let our schedules and circumstances determine our life; to help our future along. It’s like living on autopilot: letting social life, full calendars, games, appointments, and homework become our purpose for living. And for us college women and beyond, it’s easy to think housework and college and chores is all that’s worth living for.

These activities are all worthy and many are necessary to living. Chores need to be completed. Homework must be finished. Doctors need to be seen. Teeth need to be filled. It’s life.

But, when we start to look to our calendars to determine what’s next, our lives are set to live on autopilot. And when a huge change comes (like graduation, for example), we aren’t sure what we’re supposed to do. We feel lost, like our social life has been stripped away; we feel like we have no reason to exist: like we have no purpose… like God has taken everything we liked to do away!

I confess I used to live on autopilot. Looking to the next thing on the list to determine what I should do. It is how we young single women start to feel discontent when we’re 18 or 21 or 30 and not married- or even seeing anyone. We’re too used to everything coming at us in an orderly fashion, being in control of our lives. When things like a job, marriage, or college don’t come our way, the discontentment sets in.

In reality, God is not taking anything away from us. WE are living without purpose.

“Our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in You.” Saint Augustine

So often, we’re caught up in living life to simply live life, we forget what we’re here for. We were made for God, not the next big thing! It is only when we live for God do we genuinely begin live vibrantly, wholly, and fully.

How do we do that?

Well… that’s what my book is all about!

Romans 8 (and what I’ve learned about the nature of God and the nature of me)

There is something about this chapter that draws me back to it over and over.

1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This whole chapter tells us who we are as Christians. If I ever successfully lead someone to Christ, and they ask “Then what?” I would take them through a study of Romans 8 then Ephesians. Hey, now that my book is in oblivion, I could start writing a study on this…

Anyway. ahem. I’ve come to realize yet again the only way to be genuinely content, happy, and Christ-centered is when I’m not pursuing things I want.

I’ve been learning a lot about prayer recently, too; and the verse about the Holy Spirit making known our requyests without even saying them eloquently makes me want to burst with peace and assurance! Since we are saved to do good works, and we cannot lose our salvation; we should constantly be seeking things above. Sometimes, sin distracts us, though. It doesn’t take much to pull us away from Christ, but sadly, it happens. We become a little more carnally minded than we should. We fall into a great heap of trouble and see no way out. I am so thankful for a God who loves me, but hates my sin with a holy passion! He opens my eyes to breaches in my wall, to echo Nehemiah’s dilemma. I am determined to not let the wall of my fellowship Christ around crumble or be diminished by anything of the Father of lies. 

That’s why I went through this process recently. Christ has become more real to me. I feel light, clean inside and out. Even if you’re not a set-apart “girl,” you warriors could benefit from taking a step back and examining your life, too. We’re all human. We all sin. Princess or Warrior, lady or gent’a'man, I hope you click on the link and take a look at what “Cleaning Out the Sanctuary” really means.  I dare you. Click on it!

Hyper-patriarchy vs. Biblical-patriarchy

Hyperpatriarchy is a type of demanding fatherhood and husband-hood ( ) that requires nothing less than exact obedience all the time- even on minute issues. Hyperpatriarchs like to dictate what his daughters and wife wear, what they do, and where they go. They like to be in complete control and have the final say. They often ignore what their family has to say and go with what they want.

Reading an independent-fundamental-Baptist-Reformed local magazine for women that somehow ended up on my desk; I was shocked at the articles on submitting to your husband/father. Some quotes from this magazine:

“You must let a man be man. (nothing wrong with that) If you interfere with any situation, even if it is sin, better to leave him alone for fear of ruining his testimony.” (Sounds faintly of Muslim honor and strongly of letting someone live knowingly in sin)

“When a woman shares her opinion, she is sharing the true heart within her. This nasty heart in manipulative and wants to see her husband’s ruin. Better to keep her mouth shut.” (So women cannot share opinions wit their husbands???)

“Your husband did not have to marry you. Do not complain about his strictness in keeping you in when he goes out. Being married is enough for him, why push him to do something you want when it is his turn to have fun?” (It’s the woman’s fault he’s angry/disinterested in her?)

I agree with being thankful for what we have, letting men be men, and that the human heart is sick. But when a woman has no say whatsoever, has to live in fear for her husband’s spiritual well being (because she can’t call him out on sin); and has to avoid dealing with even petty problems… that’s hyperpatriarchy.

I was accused once of being a victim of hyperpatriarchy. I bought a lovely maxi-dress recently at a store called Forever 21. I tried to wear it to church the next Sunday; and dad ended up telling me he didn’t like the cut. It emphasized the wrong parts of my body, and he didn’t want that at all. (“Not even a hint” as I like to put it) I really wanted to wear the dress, but obeyed. At church, my friend asked if I was wearing the dress I’d bought. I said “No” and explained the situation. She shook her head and said “That’s no way to live. Your dad is a total hyperpatriarch…”

Let’s take a look at Biblical patriarchy:

Christ is masculine. God is masculine. God so loved the world…HE… gave HIS SON. God is also the ruler of everything, but a gentle one at that. He doesn’t want harm to come to us, but sometimes obedience can cause suffering in some way from others. God is not a cruel taskmaster. He very nature is love. Christ is love. The man of the house represents Christ.  Both man and woman are made in God’s image and are both called to exercise dominion over the earth. They share an equal worth as persons before God in creation and redemption. The man is also the image and glory of God in terms of authority, while the woman is the glory of man. (Gen. 1:27-28; 1 Cor. 11:3,7; Eph. 5:28; 1 Pet. 3:7) God has also ordained gender roles. Adam already had headship over Eve before sin entered the world. (Gen. 2:18)

God has placed authority of fathers and husbands to be useful and good in direction family. There is a limit on a man’s power. He must be in the Lord. When a man is outside of God’s will or word, he is not leading well. When in sin, there is hardship for the man to lead. The same goes for a woman when she will not submit. A man’s authority should be exercised with grace and love as a servant, priest, and leader; following the example of Jesus Christ. Leadership is a stewardship from God. (Mal. 3:17; Ps. 103:13; Col. 3:21; 1 Pet. 3:7) A man should also be subject to the laws of the government. (Romans 13) The man and wife, (and hence kids) should also submit to each other and respect opinions, tastes, and views, as long as they are of the word.

The woman is called to be keeper at home- meaning she is to run the household in domestic affairs: cooking, cleaning, teaching kids (primarily- I want my husband to be fully committed to teaching our kids at home and pray he would want to take part in that); basically becoming more like a Proverbs 31 woman every day. This doesn’t mean she can’t “have a job”  it simply means her #1 priority should be home. My mom is really a Proverbs 31 woman! My mom and I have a business of sorts- every Tuesday we make 14 dozen cookies and my dad sells them at work. It’s extra income. It’s “working willingly with our hands”. My mom gets up early to start the laundry and she often stays up late to finish things. She is known for her artistic ability (especially working on VBS decorations, where she happens to be right now), her cooking, her get up and go spirit. People at church talk about her highly. She is frugal with our money, so much so, we have surplus of things. That frugality leads us to never do without (we are the thrift store junkies, but we have the nicest, largest, CHEAPEST wardrobes around, I’d say) I could go on, but you probably get the point. She is very submissive to Dad, her hubby, whom she’s been married to for over 20 years. Aww…

*ahem*

Father/husbands should oversee the family well; and do so biblically, gently, and firmly. He must also realize that everyone has an opinion, and his opinion may not line up the wife’s or kids’.

Now, back to the story I was telling about the dress. If my dad would have said “I don’t like that pattern on you, it looks outdated…” It would have been a matter of personal preference, and hyper-patriarchy if he told me to obey immediately without protest. But since he directly said “I don’t like the cut of the top part and how it draws attention to your bust,” I knew right away what exactly was wrong- and that it wasn’t right. Since my dad noticed something I’d overlooked completely, I figured the other guys at church would probably notice, too. I didn’t want to “accidentally” ”entice” a dude when I knew I shouldn’t be even wearing something enticing. And, since the Bible tells us women to be modest and cover up what should be covered ,-and I knew I shouldn’t cause any brother in Christ to lose sight of Christ if I could help it- I decided to do what I knew was right. I changed my outfit.

So, was my dad a hyperpatriarch or a biblical patriarch?

You can’t expect to submit to your husband one day if you can’t submit to your dad now. It’s not always going to be that BIG thing. It will more than likely be a small thing.

A Standard For Encouraging and Dealing With Guys

I’d like to share with you some resources I just added to my library.

Preparing to Be a Helpmeet ~ Debi Pearl  Talks of types of guys, types of girls, and what each type should do to prepare for the guy she will most likely catch.

Answering the Guy Questions (hereafter refered to as “ATGQ”) by Leslie Ludy was an amazing book! It is a quick read, so this book is good for people who want to look at a topic and run off.

Also, “What Our Father Taught Us About Boys” (a CD by the Botkin sisters) is another helpful resource.

All three opened my eyes to how much girls and guys are alike- and how they are so very different, too.

 Boys are people too.  “This may sound funny,” as Anna Sophia said in the CD, “but it is true.”

 We often go from one extreme to the other when it comes to dealing with boys. There are boys I know who are very forward with me, and sometimes I walk away from a conversation wondering “Should I have said that?” and other times I walk away thinking “I wish I had said a lot more.” Other boys I have no reason to talk to, and after awhile, I just began to ignore them. These situations are both wrong. I want to apply some basic principles:

>Do dress nicely, modestly, and stylishly, but not FOR them. ATGQ talks of respecting their future wives and your future husband by keeping hidden what should be hidden. And remember, if there are many guys there, there are many future wives, too. Don’t expect anything until you are of marriagable age and the guy has asked for your hand through your dad!

>Don’t chatter mindlessly. Guys understand you more than you think. According to Preparing to Be A Helpmeet, they are always watching and listening; even if not for romantic purposes. They will know you by your words. Discontinue fillers, crude slang, and random chatter about yourself.

Don’t EVER manipulate. For example: Angela likes Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t think Angela would make a very good wife. He is not interested. But, Angela, seeing him ignore her is not acceptable. She wants him to notice her and sets up a date trap to get him alone with her in her car. This led to other things, and Kyle didn’t really want Angela in the first place. This is called defrauding. The girl was taking what was not hers, doing things she had no business doing, and initiating things when it was not her place.

This action is not only displeasing to God, but it reflects badly on you. Manipulative women are pushy, and once married, will push their husbands. Read Proverbs 7 for more about a wicked, manipulative woman.

Don’t ignore them. I have a knack for doing this, and it frustrates me! Even if guys are being pushy, greet them with a quiet smile, and if annoyed, let them or others do the talking so you don’t explode or pour mindless chatter on them. I was recently followed around almost everywhere by a certain guy. I’d be walking, then turn around and there he was. I’d feel goosebumps on my neck and he’d be watching me intently from several hundred yards away. When I finally bumped into him face to face, my mom was with me, and she was able to do the talking. Thank goodness for parents and the chance to apply the truths right away!

I hope you will consider these resources and add them to your library! They are priceless, and they could change your life.  Remember our highest goal is not to snag a gent, or to please the guys in our lives; it’s about becoming a woman who is worth “far above rubies”. (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

Fly Around The Room Like A Bird and Spray Paint The Moon Green…

Augustine’s view of God was like that- or so Pelagius thought. God can make the rules- but since he’s God, he can keep the rules. We can’t. We’re ‘massa perditions’- lumps of sin.

If I told you to fly around like a bird, it would be very funny and you’d think me to be halfway to the nut house. But, if a professor at college told you to do these things, and said you’d fail if you were unable, you’d probably get frustrated and leave. Nobody could spray paint the moon green- much less fly around the room like a bird…

  Recently, I delved into the Augustine vs. Pelagius matter (what? My library doesn’t have Pelagius???), and I’m quite… entertained by it. People have argued this for centuries, and if you’re not familiar with the issue, and you’d like a brief summary of the argument, pay attention to this dialogue:

  Augustine: Hey God, since you’re up there as a known fact, how about you make up some rules. Only, since you’re God, you make sure you keep them- cuz we sure can’t…it’s impossible!”

  Pelagius: Hey buddy- are you saying that God would make laws He knows you can’t keep? And punishes you for not keeping them? What’s up with that??? Is that even right?

Augustine: Of course, that’s exactly right.

(bold- adapted from dear old Dr. Bauman)

 This ages old argument intrigues me. Filius Dei vs. Massa Perditions (Children of God vs. Lumps of Sin)

  There are too many different sides to each story…

This battle is one not over God’s nature, but I believe it’s over human nature.

Ah well, to elaborate on this topic would take fifty lifetimes. I’d encourage you to get lost in this matter, too. Read the books. Study the people. Conclude for yourself…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  During my break, so much GOOD happened! But, I doubted a lot for several weeks. I felt like doing nothing, I felt very sick, and bad news kept coming. There was good news, though. An answer… but more on that later.

   “Winter… what a pretty word for such a long, dreary time…”

  We thought it was over, the feet of snow that had piled up around us was melted, the field were flooding, the air was warm- if you’d call 35 degrees warm!

  Then the temperatures plunged below the 20 degree mark, and took my high spirits with it. The snow came again, ice too. The ice came around my heart and tempted me to become bitter at, well, everything. The woman I thought was going to be a nice lady to talk to and learn from ended up just being nosy and jealous because she wanted to know what it was like being a “sheltered” homeschooler- and wondering why I was so good when her foster daughter was so bad. 

The women at church talked of meeting once a month for lunch, {exciting prospect}, but I learned they only met to discuss “Christian” romance novels {Will Levi Miller catch Susanne Zook? Find out now in this cut and dried yet excitingly distracting new Amish romance!!}. My chair was taken away at choir and I was moved to an area far away from the action. The news came I wasn’t going to the internship came that Tuesday. I was not asked (once again) to be in the church’s Resurrection Sunday drama. I sat alone every Sunday in Sunday school. Nobody talked to me, people purposed to leave me out. To rub it in, a lady told me to “bloom where I was planted”. What if I haven’t been planted? Or, if I have… what if I’m not getting a chance for sun, water, and Miracle Gro? Maybe I’m wilting?

 I re-read Contentment by Lydia Brownback over two nights, reading the verses and soaking up the thoughts. It blessed me, and had me asking questions about my life. Your comments, dear readers, also helped to motivate me to seek God’s will. 

 I decided to wholeheartedly see what God had in store for me. I decided to try my hand at being patient and waiting for my time to serve.

  It seemed God blessed me for that decision. On a night where once again, I felt like crying my eyes out and blaming Him for everything, I heard a whisper in my ear: “Trust me.”

  So I did.

I woke up that morning and to my utter amazement, I felt… joy. For the first time since that awful week full of bad news for me, I actually felt remotely happy. I sprang out of bed and leapt around my room listening to the Getty’s, over to my window to throw open the curtains wide. A view like none other greeted me. Overnight, the snow and ice had all melted, and there, sitting on the roof of the neighbor’s house were two robins! Spring was on its way! It was an exhilarating sight. The goldfinches and doves had returned as well. A few days after that, the doves began to coo- a glorious sign of spring. SPRING!! I haven’t heard that wonderful sound since September… ah!

  My thirst for books struck anew- if that is possible. More, more, more, MORE! I’ve re-read my whole collection in a matter of nearly 2 weeks. Hungry to learn. Hungry for more… I’ve checked out every single book at the library on the Russian communist revolt of 1917-1991. I want to learn! I’m going to study every single major event in history this summer.

  It seemed encouragement and hope was popping up around the corner- little girls at AWANA hugged me and told me they loved me, and that God loved me too. A little deaf girl hung on my arm, smiling up at me with an unparalleled cuteness. I signed “I Love You” to her, and she signed back “I love you more more more.”

  There were spectacular sunsets to behold, wonderful songs to be written, verses to commit to memory. There were friends to meet, Sparks to lead, and fellowships to attend. God kept me busy, indeed. He gave me so much more than He’s ever taken away! Has God ever really taken anything away from me other than my sin? I wondered. Every good gift comes from above…all things work together for good…

Even when things happened that were bad to me, I realized- nothing is bad if it means I get to grow closer to the King of Kings. Really think about that name… King OF Kings. He wants me? Why would He want me- or even want to do good for me? I wondered what the “good” was.

 The day or so after the news came about the internship; a song touched my heart- one that I had never heard before. It’s called “A Greater Yes.” After listening to that song, I wondered, “What’s the greater yes to all this? It seems so fragmented, it doesn’t make sense… I’m confused!!” Everything was seemingly working together for Iowa… but now what?

   The answer came a few days later:

“Dear Laura,

“We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted to attend our worldview camp in Wisconsin…”

This August, God is calling me to Summit once again. All that working together for what seemed like that opportunity for interning was working for Summit.

That’s not all…

For the past several years, I’ve asked to teach Jr. Church and at VBS, but when I was 13, I was told I had to be16. When I was 16, I was told 18. This past week, I was given not only one but THREE teaching jobs. I am teaching at VBS in July, Jr. Church during the month of July, and JR. Jr. church in November. These jobs would not have been possible if I were in Iowa…

I’ve worked on my book, getting it into a more organized format. But, I only write about 5-6,000 words about a topic and can’t think of anything more to say! Not sure what I’ll do about that. I seem to have idea bursts that go away after 20 minutes of typing.

  I’ve been reading, studying, and analyzing my collection of Clive Staples Lewis- taking notes, reading critiques online. I highly recommend the Weight of Glory. [A good order to read CS Lewis in is:  Mere Christianity, Abolition of Man, Problem of Pain, Screwtape Letters, Miracles, and Weight of Glory. After that, I’d have to say any order, because they do not expound or require prerequisites].

  I’d also like to order as many DVDS and CDs from Vision Forum as I can! I am almost being overtaken by this hunger to LEARN!!!!!! I want to especially buy the Homestead Blessings series- if any of you have a set or one DVD, pretty pwease tell me about it. Or, recommend a CD or a book- if you’d like.

 Now I close this {really long} return post by saying~ I’m back! And I shan’t leave you again… until August. Oh, and this year, you can send me mail/letters and packages [hopefully full of letters, Twizzlers and Cheezits] while I’m at camp- address and details to come later. I love mail- and getting a lot of mail at camp would be so wonderful! Really, it would. I’m serious. {not to hint or anything}

PS~ I’m going to be at Midwest Homeschool Convention, and am planning on meeting up with a Bright Lights leader I met through blogging- Allison. If anyone else from bloggy-land will be there, please let me know- I’d love to meet you. Don’t think you’ll just run into me eventually- cuz this conference is HUGE (rumored to be 18,000 people there this year). The place is enormous- it takes about 30-45 minutes to get through the main halls from one back corner to kitty front corner. 

  Yahoo! I feel as though I could cram my brain with just about anything!

{insert a very happy, contented sigh right here}

It feels good to press that publish button again…

In the announcer-voiced words of my radio dad:

*We now return to our regularly scheduled programming*

Pressure to Be Attached

People call me crazy. People also call me stupid. Let me explain:

A smattering of guys have, at one time or another, confessed their undying, hormone related affection for me. I don’t want any of it. It’s distracting, and once these young men started hinting blatantly at liking me, the friendship hurled went downhill. I still have a good friendship with one, but it is because of being careful. I don’t reply to flirtatious comments, look at him when he sighs loudly, or tell him if I like him back. For the most part, he understands. I think. I spend a lot of time praying about “Alexander” but he is not the foremost of my thoughts. People usually tell me to go after him, because after all, I’m nearly of marriageable age, and of course, they only want me to be “happy.” When I say that I’m happy without a boyfriend or the prospect of getting one, most pat me on the arm and say I’m deceiving myself and someday that will change. Ha. Far from it, folks.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I sure would like to be married sometime in my life. But God has given me a greater desire, a desire stronger than having a husby or a bunch of kids. That desire I have is from Him and for Him. God’s will takes over any thought I may have over Sir Charming the Gallant. If only more girls would stop playing the dating game and learn that contentment in Christ is the key to life!

“Who is this?” asked an old man of a 20-something woman.

“This is my boyfriend… Charles” the girl declared proudly.

It was amazing how much was said in those few words. This girl had been involved in my youth group for several years, all the while encouraging us not to seek after a guy but follow after the Lord. She should have led by example. While declaring she was not looking for a relationship, she started a singles group, researched ‘singles explosions’, and went to every event she could find where available men were. After three years, her search was successful. She has a boyfriend, and she talks of him all the time. Her identity is not in who she is in Christ, it’s who she is with her boy. You see, the young lady equates being fulfilled and human with being attached. Not so! What makes us human (profoundly human) is the Gospel! It makes us see our enormous need for help…and makes us become fulfilled after we’ve let Jesus fill that need. The Gospel is enough to satisfy. Stop living like it isn’t.

Those who “date around” want to have a great marriage someday, that’s unanimous! But, when it comes down to who they date, the standard is set quite low. Over the years, missionary dating has become popular at my church. It started with one couple, then it snowballed. Another couple started, and another, and then, this aforementioned girl found herself an unbelieving boy. The first relationship that started it all sadly ended when they found the “converted” girlfriend was fooling around at college.

It seems that dating is like a snowball. It starts out with a faithful Christian girl and a guy. She is serious about her walk with God, and every day is like a mountaintop experience. They date, get involved, and break up. The girl blames God for her problems, and starts look for another guy. The cycle repeats with several more guys, adding baggage, making the process of “backsliding” go faster. Things gain momentum. The snowball builds up more ‘junk’ and keeps rolling… downhill… faster and faster… until crash! The whole thing blows up in her face and her life is at the bottom of the hill. In order to get back to the top, she must get serious and start depending on God again for everything! Only then can she have a deep relationship with God and get back on the victorious mountaintop.

The reason for unbalanced relationships is the preset standard (or the lack thereof). Most people have no standard or even the slightest idea what they’d like to see in Prince Charming. As young women, we shouldn’t swoon over what our dear Johnny should look like. We should be praying for his character, his strength, and his spiritual well-being!

As I looked into qualities of husbands, I found absolutely no standard of any sort out on the Internet. Not even a bare minimum or a few requirement ideas. Sure, every girl is different, but there’s the need to set a standard and a few expectations to get her thinking about the kind of man she’ll marry someday.

Hence the big surprise. (No, it’s not that I’m getting married, but thanks anyway to those who asked!!) It’s a list of potential qualities that you should think about. This isn’t final gospel, and I’m only a weak, finite human, so it’s not a law to follow. Rather, this is a list to get you thinking. Take ideas from this list and start building your own. Tell me about some of the qualities you came up with on your own!

Check it out- The List  

This list will only be up for the week of Valentine’s… (February 14th-February 19th)

Is it Right To…?

Two guy-related questions asked by my friends, girls in bible studies, and Bright Lights girls in the group I had. These are not rules to follow, simply guidelines and thoughts I’ve learned from my Bible studies. They have come up again and again in the last year, so I thought I would share them.

Is it right for me to relate to guys better than girls?

I think being able to communicate with guys easily is a gift. Some girls totally shun the opposite sex when they are teenagers, making it seem like they are snobby. Others go overboard and throw themselves at young men. It’s all about finding balance. I don’t think it’s wrong for a girl to be good at communicating with guys, provided what she shares with him is not too deep or personal. She should not manipulate in any situation. I don’t think it’s right that a girl “relates” to a guy more than she does her gender. Maybe that’s their term for communicating, but relating really means they get along with and understand guys more than girls. I’ve been learning more about feminine mystique, and how a girl should not be extremely close with young men. It asks for trouble, especially if the girl is not the reserved type. There should always be an air of mystery about us: it’s what makes the young man fall in love with us, pursue us, and eventually ask us to marry them. Without mystery, all the info about a girl is out in the open, nothing is a secret, and it’s easier for a guy to use her in the wrong way. It’s not fleeing temptation: it’s diving head first into the sin pool.

Relating to young men is fine, but we should try to understand and hang out with girls before guys.

A young girl asked me this very good question (below) that made stop and think. I actually had to give her an answer a few days later: it’s a toughy.

Is it okay to wear guy’s clothes- even sweatshirts?

I have been seen wearing my brother’s old, outgrown shorts, t-shirts, and hoodies on occasion. They are so comfy! Something about guy hoodies is magical: they’re roomy, soft, floppy and cuddly, and usually have a winning sports team’s name plastered on the front. Why do girls’ hoodies have to say Aero or AE and only Aero and AE and be stiff and formfitting?

Now onto the real answer:

I guess the answer to this question is by conviction. You should also ask yourself why you’re wearing the clothes. Is it because of rebellion against your feminine design? Are you just trying to keep warm? Are you wearing a boy (spacebar, spacebar) friend’s hoodie as a form of flirtation (manipulation)? There is a verse in the Bible that warns against men dressing like women and vice versa. It’s found in Deuteronomy 22:5-

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

Some people think pants are men’s clothing, and should wear dresses all the time. I think if that’s a lady’s conviction, then she should obey it and wear skirts. But, if a rule of skirts is forced on a girl, that’s not obedience to the Holy Spirit. It’s obedience to man.

And think about this: in the Bible time, everyone wore robes. In traditional China,  ladies wear pants and guys wear skirts. Culture may have a lot to do with what we wear. In parts of South America, the mode of dress are  gauchos. Plain pants and skirts are non-existent. So, you can’t say that culture is not an issue with the skirt-wearing issue. It is! Skirts are the very feminine dress in our culture. If it’s your conviction to wear them, that’s great!

There is nothing ‘Biblical’ about wearing skirts. They are modest and usually do not show off our legs and backsides.

That’s why I personally believe it’s by conviction.

Is it right to ride with a guy or vice versa- even if it’s a short distance?

If you know that this young man is completely and firmly trustworthy and responsible (and a great driver), then it should be okay.

But most of the time, guys aren’t the honorable, mature people we want them to be. In that situation, it’s best to have his sister or a friend to ride with you. This works well, there is accountabilty, and you get from point a to point b.

As for giving guys a ride, it’s best to see what your parents think. Every guy is different- and your parents know them better than I do.

Desires, Choices, and Young Men

Do you have a “husband list?” I do! ” The Husband List” is the term I use for the ever growing list of character qualities, physical abilities, and so on I desire in a husband. As of this month, the list is in the 300′s. (Dear future hubby I have yet to meet: NO PRESSURE!)

Most of us want a classic gentleman. We desire an honest, hardworking lad who is strong of mind and body. Someone who is forgiving and full of love. A man who won’t compromise and stands alone. A guy who is intelligent and funny. Someone who will never let us feel lonely again.

I was thinking last night about how often God places desires in our heart. I can honestly say most, if not all, of the list is a manifestation of the desires God has placed in my heart.  I know God has placed these desires in my heart to be a wife and mother someday. The more I thought about this, I realized God places those desires in our hearts to draw us closer to Himself.  No man on earth could possibly fulfill every single want and need we have. He may pass “The Husband List” test, but we all understand there’s quite a few things a man cannot do. Man cannot solve every problem that comes up. Men do not know the future. Men fail. Men lie. Men are sinful. In fact, all humans have a sinful nature- and none of us can change the fact.

So what’s with these desires? I don’t think we come up with them ourselves. because we’re supposed to look for a man with character like Jesus! God’s Son!

God cannot fail us. He is our true Prince Charming. He places these desires for a true Prince to bring us closer to Him. As young women, our deepest desire is to be married someday. I’d like to encourage you to run into your true Prince Charming’s arms. He is the Gentleman of your dreams. He can fulfill every longing and need if we just trust Him. He is enough to satisfy- no doubt about it. I believe if we learn to love Christ first- our intense desire for earthly romance will become more controllable. If we do not have Christ first, we will be unhappy. We know that much is true. So, when we settle for less by dating around and not waiting for God’s best, we will feel unfulfilled and unhappy. I thought about what would happen if you did marry ‘the right one’ God had shown you, but Christ is not your first love. Your husband is. Would you be happy? I honestly don’t think so. When God puts a longing in your heart, it is with purpose. When you stray from it, and don’t run to Him first for fulfillment, I can’t imagine being content.

Are there godly men out there? Yes, I can name some. But, are there perfect men out there? No. Don’t bother thinking there are and stop pursuing them. It is an illusion that is portrayed in every Hollywood romance. The real world is full men who err, who sin. Not that all men are bad, but they are simply bad by nature. As I thought through this, I also realized that your husband should understand that Christ is first in your life. And that should build you up together.

But we too often allow our desires to overtake us. Wild thoughts turn into emotions, and we start doing things we shouldn’t. Acting on the Spirit’s leading, parent’s direction, and experiences prior, we make wiser choices. Our parents know what is good for us, we know from common sense and past good or bad situations what we should and shouldn’t do. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is working for good in our lives to the glory of God. But choosing to act on emotions, which change by the hour, our choices go skiing downhill.

Manipulation begins when we act on how we feel. Young women like to start things. They initiate conversations, friendships, clubs, and fun outings. They intiate studies of the Word of God. There’s nothing wrong with getting things started. Women have an influence on men that most of us do not realize. Women help men lead well, but they can help men lead badly. When we stop letting men lead, and begin to initiate and lord over them, it is safe to say that this is manipulation and going against God’s design.

The thing we should never initiate is a romantic relationship with a guy. When we like a guy, that attraction overtakes common sense. We find ourselves seeking out this man, ways to be near him, know him, know about him, and know his family. Our thoughts turn more towards him instead of Christ: these thoughts are based on emotion. Our emotions are strong, unpredictable, and contrasting. The more I think about manipulation, the more dangerous it seems! How can we make decisions based on our feelings? Feelings come from the heart, which is basically sinful. Jeremiah 17:9~ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it? Our heart cannot be fixed to be perfect, and make all the right choices. We cannot trust our emotions. But we can trust the Holy Spirit. When we draw closer to him, we make better choices, big decisions become easier, and we tend to hesitate less. Boys do appreciate when we stand back and let them do the intiating. Manipulation is wrong, dishonest, and demeaning. Please, please, please don’t get impatient and give in!

We must use self-control when dealing with everyone: including guys. I know of a time when my dad (who does things like most men: the hard way) was called inside to eat dinner. Our family is unusual: we eat around the table, as a family, every night. Sometimes one of us is visiting a friend’s, at work, or in this case, a little late. We had been waiting, sitting at the table for a few minutes, and my dad came in from the yard. He took his time washing his hands in the bathroom. Then, he went the opposite direction from the dining room and headed into the living room. He started shutting all the curtains, checking the thermostat, etc. As a hungry girl staring at delicious-smelling food, my first instinct was to yell at my dad. Sometimes I do, but this particular time I didn’t. That’s self control- something I still have to work at. But how can we apply self control to our friendships with guys when we can’t excersise it at home? Our parents may be a little backwards according to us, but that’s how they work. You can’t change them and shouldn’t try to, no matter how much you want to. That’s the way it is with young men. Don’t try to go after them and tell them every little thing you like and dislike about them. Apply self-control.

Our ‘Husband Lists’ should not be determined by culture. We’ve all seen the downhill trek that society has been making for the last 75 years. Societies are shaky, they come and go, and are determined by humans. (Back to our sinful nature!) The standards we have should be higher. Way higher. Expectations have hit all time lows- and I don’t expect them to rise anytime soon. With low expectations on us girls, people just expect us to get married to the first moral-but-mediocre dude who asks. Higher standards will look crazy to those around us. Even my Christian friends think I’m crazy when I tell them about my ideas concerning love. They laugh because of high standards. They laugh becasue they’ve never heard of such a thing called courtship. They laugh because they aren’t sure how to respond to a person actually applying God’s Word to all of their life, not just part of it.

But that’s fine by me. I don’t want their approval. I don’t need it! All I want is the smile of Christ and a still small voice saying “Well done.”

Since I am only 16  and single, and have a long way to go in maturing in Christ, these are just thoughts. But really, I have never felt so happy and content since I stopped looking for the one and starting looking to the One. It’s amazing! Pursue Him, He is enough! We do need to have a plan, however. If we don’t- we won’t go anywhere. That plan must be in God’s will. That plan must be seeking to please Him, not gain money and material things for ourselves. Simply act in obedience to the Holy Spirit, and God will show you what you’re going to do next. If your life goal is contrary to that, and getting married is top priority, you’re making a wrong decision.

Don’t look. Prepare. Build Jesus into your life, don’t try to fit Him in here and there. Everything you do should be with His approval. If not, don’t do it.

I Know Where I’m Supposed to Be This Summer!

Most of us make some kind of exciting summer plan. Get a job at Frosty Boy, go to the West Coast, maybe go to camp…

Well, I am planning on attending summer camp at Summit in Wisconsin. This camp is a worldview training course spread over 2 weeks. It has a lot of good teaching- and a pretty hefty price tag for the session: $895.

I decided to give up my much loved ballet and Pointe classes on my senior year- for two weeks that would last for eternity. I knew where I needed to be- even if it meant giving up something I love. So, I sent in my application knowing the Holy Spirit was directing me to attend. I wasn’t surprised (just extremely happy… well… I was going nuts ) when, a few days ago I received my letter of acceptance.

Here’s the great thing:

The IRS just sent us a notice saying my dad had filled out a few places on his return wrong (which he can’t figure out WHERE I wonder why? ;-) ) and that they were sending us $828 within 4-6 weeks. I was very surprised to hear this coming- especially in the middle of May of all times! Then a thought struck me: I had saved around $66 dollars for camp and any other expenses that came up.  My brain whizzed! Could it be? I pulled out the calculator (because 2+2 is 4 and that’s all I know, haha) and added numbers. My money and the check combined? $894. Oh, and I got another dollar today.

“God? Could you be any clearer?! Thank you!”

If God wants you to be somewhere, He’ll make sure you get there.

PS: My dad said I could do ballet and pointe next year! What a blessing! What a joy!

:: Blessings Come In Small Packages ::

Children are so special. They are always bringing a smile to my face with their cute words, innocent giggles, and chubby legs attempting to match their parent’s strides. Even though they don’t quite understand the adult world and thinking- what they say can often be so relevant.

Last Sunday, as I sat in church, I noticed a little 5 year old girl sitting in front of us. She was listening very intently to pastor and nodded in agreement with his words. She is the cutest young lady in church- and to see her desire to listen to Pastor instead of going to Jr. Church is a blessing.

Our neighbors (mentioned in my barking dog post ) may be annoying sometimes, but one of their kids is just downright CUTE! He has some developmental issues, but his smile is worth a million bucks! Another one of those blessings you don’t expect . His smile can brighten anybody’s day.

There is one little girl named Nicole who has a very imaginative brain. She has boldly stated that she is going to be a woman farmer- and plant baked beans (I’m not sure where you get those seeds- let me know if you have any, though). Her husband, for some odd reason, is going to live in another house across the field. She insists I come to help her paint her Disney Princess barn. She is learning to spell and write words- with a touch of humor. The other day she gave me a folded paper with a stick girl drawn neatly on the front. I opened it to see the words and the oh-so-cute-yet-misplaced-punctuation scribbled on the inside: ” I, am a boy.!” Oh the blessing to laugh at a child’s humor!

A young lady in my Bright Lights group has begun writing letters to me. It is such a blessing to her how her life has been going along, and what she has learned recently. It’s surprising to know really how much she has learned!

Sadly, most of us teen girls often do not stop to give the little ones attention or answer their questions. We simply give them a little nervous smile and keep walking. We are afraid to get involved and ask them questions for fear they do not undestand. Many girls at my church tell me they don’t even know what to say to a 10 year old! Say what you would to your best friend (using discretion, of course). Just because someone is shorter, younger, and less educated doesn’t make them totally clueless. A few even pat the tops of little ones heads as if they were a little cat or dog! They want to romp with you! Be tickled! Chase you! They look up to you and long for the day they will be old as you.

Children are a blessing- not only to their parents, but to those around them. You may be surprised at how many blessings you miss out on if you don’t interact with the young!

“Youth is such a wonderful gift. Too bad it’s bestowed upon the young.”

~In the spirit of I Timothy 4 12~