Don’t Spill the Beans!

Most of us can say that we’ve had an experience where a friend divulges a huge secret. It hurts.

How Do We Respond?

1. Don’t get revenge or tell one of her secrets. If you hated what she did to you, then why make her hate your actions? Two wrongs do not make a right.

2. If your friend thinks it was harmful to keep the secret, ask her why. Think through your secret. Was it really doing harm to yourself or somebody else? (A friend was breaking curfew at college. Your middle school sister was trying drugs. You were planning to play a mean prank on your high school teacher)

3.  Tell her how you feel. Don’t make an appeal to pity, however. Focusing entirely on your emotions isn’t the right thing to do. Tell her morally why it wasn’t right to tell. Give her a reason why the secret should have been kept.  (It was my grandma’s surprise party. I didn’t want anyone to know about my A+ until Christmas)

4.  If the secret was about a boy, you should probably never tell anybody a guy related secret again. Talking about guys causes run-away thoughts. One minute, we’re talking about how we like his hair, the next, we’re fitting our first name with his last name. Don’t tell anybody who you have a crush on. If you feel you’re going to burst, (and you won’t), tell your cousin you rarely talk to, or your aunt in Alaska, or your dog. Or your cat. Or your pillow. It will save a lot of heartache and embarassment. These people usually do not tell on you.

5.  Be faithful in keeping important secrets, if any. At my house, we have a good secret to keep. This secret will bless some friends in the near future. This is the kind of secret to keep. I try not to keep random secrets, and if my friends say “Can you keep a secret?” I will usually say no. When I was younger, I used to go by the quote: “If I can’t tell my mom, you can’t tell me.” If the secret makes you blush at telling your mom,  don’t choose to hear it!

A  talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.  Proverbs 11:13

Be a faithful spirit.

Lions and Tigers and Mean-Girls-Oh-My!

Friends Who Need Other’s Approval

Recently a friend asked me a question- “What do you honestly think of my guy friend, ‘Jeff?’ I want your honest opinion.” Well, looking at the guy, I saw nothing that would last for eternity. Sure, he had a pleasant face, and he looked halfway decent, but the outward appearance really doesn’t mean anything. I noticed how he blindly answered our elders questions, and how he came across as shallow. His eyes didn’t show the brightness I’ve come to notice in the people I definitely know are saved and living for the Lord. Besides the way he talked and acted, I noticed his lack of character.

My reply was to the effect of- “He doesn’t seem to be a very good kind of guy. He’s comes across as shallow.”

Boy, was my friend angry! of course, she’d asked for an honest opinion- and she got it! So why was she mad?

 She only wanted approval and to be noticed.

This world is filled with people looking to get their peers’ approval – even Christian teens who claim that they are full with the joy of serving the Lord. If they think that they are so full of the Holy Spirit, then what’s up with all this “Gotta buy a new purse because Gwen got one.” “Ipod has a new device that you can actually use as a web cam! Gotta get that too.”

WAIT A MINUTE! Will purses and web cams and all the other things matter in Heaven?

No.

Will having a cute guy-of-the-week on your arm be the thing that makes God say, “Well done?”

No!

The only time you will ever be totally fulfilled will be when you stop dating, quit coveting, and start serving the Lord. In your teen years, He is your one and only love. His approval will come when you dedicate your life to him.

Even though my friend asked me for my ‘honest opinion,’ she may also have been meaning- “Do you see Jeff? Look at me I have a boyfriend.”

 This world is a look at me! world. This is also a way they try to find approval outside of Christ. In any case, please don’t think you need guy friends or money or clothes or human approval to find fulfillment.

 Matthew 6:24- No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon (material things)

2 Timothy 2:15a- Study to show thyself approved unto God…

1 Samuel 16:7b …For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Lions and Tigers and Mean Girls-Oh-My!

Girls That Are Mean To You Intentionally

I have always wondered why girls act so mean sometimes. Seriously- good, Christian girls! I have seen this wrong treatment of other girls in various places. The Mean-Girl attitude is taking over churches and Christian schools everywhere. Tasha attended a solid, Baptist church. One of the topics most heavily preached was brotherly love. Yet, the girls in her Sunday school class never offered her a seat next to them, never included her when she tried to join in on their discussions, and rarely let her have a turn on the youth room piano between and after services. Tasha never thought it was fair that a new girl could come and be accepted quickly, while she’d been trying to be friendly and had attended that church since she was 6!

 Maria went to the local Christian school in her hometown. They had a chapel service twice a day, and the students came mainly from the strongest Bible-believing churches in the tri-county area. Maria was never a loud one, but she wasn’t shy either. She tried her hardest to get noticed by raising her hand in class, doing her homework, and minding her own business in the middle of conflicts. Yet, the it-girls were out to get her. They stole her homework, gossiped about her behind her back, interrupted her in class, and got away with it. There was nothing Maria could think of that would stop these girls and their cruel actions. How do you deal with this kind of behavior?

First of all, don’t retaliate. Getting back at them is immature, and they will think your efforts are funny. Know that God will eventually deal with them in His time and way. Don’t play their games, because if you hate their actions, don’t act like them.

Secondly, tell your parents how you feel. (In my experience, telling your youth leader or somebody else in charge doesn’t do much good. They can tell these girls to stop, but they can’t make them listen). Your parents will help you and pray for you.

Lastly, know that friends do not come in just your age level. When you help out with a class or teach in VBS, you make friends with younger kids. They look up to you, and you can mentor them in a friendly way.

The Mean Girls at your church or school might grow out of it or they might be that way all their life. But realize this: from how they’ve treated you in the past, if they ever stop being mean to you, would you want to be their friends? It’s not about who you know, what you’ve done, or what you’ve got. Your life is for God’s glory. Not your own!

Lions and Tigers and Mean-Girls-Oh-My!

Friends That Seem To Ignore You

You’ve met a girl and you’ve really hit it off. You like the same things, wear the same style of clothes and you are so close, you finish each other’s sentences. It’s like you know exactly what the other is thinking! Then one day, whammy! For some strange reason she starts ignoring you. She no longer smiles when you catch her eye, she doesn’t answer your calls, emails, and letters. What in the world is going on here?!

Let’s take a look at the possible reasons:

1. Maybe you did something to offend her- Often, unintentionally, we offend people simply by being ourselves.

If this friend is not a Christian… 

Maybe it was simply seeing Psalm 23 on your wall, or a statement you made about Christ. You can’t do much here, because you simply should not sacrifice your faith to make her happy. If this is the case, your friend should look past your differing religions and ideas about beliefs. Of course, you should be a good testimony to the lost, but don’t be overly pushy about Christ. This can close people’s hearts to the gospel. Let Christ do the offending- people can choose to accept Him or be offended by Him. A pastor at a youth rally I went to said- “If somebody you’ve witnessed to totally rejects God after he’s politely said ‘no’ for years, and he suddenly starts avoiding you, then he knows you’re right and doesn’t want to admit it. God is working on his heart, and he knows deep down that he wants to go to Heaven, he just doesn’t want to give up a bad habit or sin.” Pretty good insight!

 If the person is a Christian…

Write her a NICE letter or give her a phone call. If she is truly your friend, she won’t hang up on you, or ignore your letter. Simply ask in a humble way what the problem is, and if you were wrong about something, apologize if you think you should. If she doesn’t give a reason for ignoring you, or if she tries to say that you were ignoring her, then it is time to give it a rest. She has moved on, and you can’t change a person’s mind.

2. She might be trying to climb up the social ladder. This is something that happens a lot in the first years of high school. Being seen as popular is at the forefront of everyone’s mind. It is actually a goal in life for some people. Were you and this girl formerly happy being where you were, who you were, and how you were seen? If you answered yes, is she no longer felling this way? If she’s now hanging out with the popular crowd, then she is trying make her way up the ladder. She wants ‘bigger and better’ so it’s out with the old and in with the new. You might be permanently out, or she may get tired of the new friends and come back.

Yes, you feel forgotten and snubbed, and maybe like a nobody. Take comfort in knowing two things- God works everything together for good. He also likes to use ‘nobodys.’ Remember that Jesus is your very best friend no matter what, and be sure to read His letter to you (Bible) every day!

Read a book, then watch the movie.

Sure Cures for Loneliness

 

 

Take a long, hot shower and paint your nails afterward.

Have a girl’s night in with your mom. My mom and I have a tradition: when my dad and brother go somewhere we have Chef Salad and mac-and-cheese. We watch clean chick flicks and eat a chocolatey dessert.

Have other friends over for a day or night. Do NOT gossip about the other friend and how she’s been treating you.

Nothing material will ever take away all the pain or loneliness. These things can help you forget your cares for a while, but it is only temporary relief.  Setting your eyes on Jesus and His word will make you really feel better. He has the power to help you forgive, forget, and move on.

Many verses from Ecclesiastes 7 helped me when I realized my friend (who I spoke of in Maturity- True or False?) was ‘climbing the social ladder’ to be popular. Here are some of the best ones-

Verses 7-8: Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad, and a gift (bribery or corruption) destroyeth the heart. Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud spirit.

Verse 10: Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this. (Note- In my Bible there is a footnote that hits it right on the nail- “To talk about the ‘former days’ or the good old days is not wise… Both the good and bad days are the work of God and are used in God’s sovereign plan.” Your trials of friendship will work out for good in the end, maybe not the way you see it, but in God’s eyes it’ll be perfect).

Verse 13- Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked? (When God has made somebody to do something in His will, it will happen, either by good or bad means).

We are to serve God, if worrying about this friend and if she’ll ever come back is on your mind all the time, it’s time to let go and give it up. Not just say, “Okay, that’s it, I am through-” say “Lord, here’s my friendship with so-and-so, it’s yours, and you can do what you will.” Give it up to God!

 

 

 

Lions and Tigers and Mean Girls-Oh-My!

Today’s topic- Jealousy

  Being jealous is not a good feeling. You feel discontent with something or everything you have, and want more or less of it. Where does that jealous feeling come from?

Pride

   Yes, it may seem like a strange way to jealousy, but really, think about it. You can be prideful of something and not even realize it. Say you bought a cute green outfit that fit you perfectly and shoes to match. You plan on wearing this outfit to the local mini-golf course where you’re meeting a bunch of friends. The day comes, and you arrive, feeling like a confident, beautiful young lady. You begin thinking thoughts like, “ I’ll bet Sarah and Jen aren’t looking as cute as I am today!” This is pride, and being so wrapped up in your new outfit, you don’t realize it! So, you find your friends, and you see Sarah wearing a nicer shirt than yours, in a better color than yours, and better shoes than yours. She even has better skin than yours, a better figure, and she is at a perfect height! When you begin comparing yourself to Sarah, the wind goes out of your confidence sails immediately. Why? Because you are jealous! In the back of your mind you wanted the imaginary best-dressed award of the day. When you didn’t get it, you were completely bummed. This is also discontentment. You were happy with what you had until Sarah’s outfit came into view. We need to realize that we can’t have everything. We can’t be somebody else. God designed you for a reason and has a purpose for everybody, whether or not that person is wearing a cute outfit or not!

What if your friend is jealous of you?

My advice- be careful! Are your motives wrong? Are you thinking about wowing everyone with your achievements, gadgets, clothes, or money? Do you think a lot about getting new stuff just to impress others?

   One Sunday morning, my mom and I had an argument about this- I had just bought a lot of new clothes, and I had many new outfits I could mix and match. I wasn’t flaunting this or showing off in any intentional way. I just liked wearing the new clothes I’d got! Well, my mom actually thought that I was trying to make others girls jealous! It is so easy to cross the line from wearing to flaunting. Clothes and other things you have can give the wrong message about who you are. Be careful, but don’t be paranoid about what others think about you. People will think what they want to think, but as long as God knows what your true heart intentions are, and you mean well, you’re okay. Don’t get wrapped up in yourself, keep your focus on God.

   If you have a hobby or an activity that you excel at, and your friend is always commenting about it in a jealous way, be careful. If you have trophies or ribbons you’ve won as a result of your hobby, then don’t give her a whole speech about how much it means to you. I have a friend who always told me she wanted to be a ballerina, but her size wouldn’t allow it. The next time I was over for the night, I gave her a short lesson and she loved it! Just showing you really care and mean well can stop the jealousy. Just remember that since everybody is different in so many ways, it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone, and we shouldn’t need to please them. Do not get caught up in the thinking that stuff = status. Be happy with what you have, and don’t show it off!

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Lions and Tigers and Mean Girls-oh-my!

Without a doubt, one of the advantages about going to church is having friends to talk to. Right? Which girl doesn’t like to talk to other like-minded girls who know all about the things you like? You’d have to admit that it’s fun to gab with people your own age and gender. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you had no friends at your church? Friends are definitely a blessing, and are not to be taken for granted. They might not always be around, think that you’re ‘cool,’ or get along with you. Believe me, there are definitely mean girls within Bible-believing churches today.
Maybe you go to a small church that has an average of 40 people in attendance, or maybe you go to a mega church with nearly a thousand people. There is a good chance that you are probably a part of the youth group, and you might be homeschooled. No matter if your church is big or small, has a teen group or not, and whether or not you go to public school or are homeschooled, you are susceptible to getting what I call The Mean Girl Disease, (TMGD for short). You can either be the Mean Girl, or the target of Mean Girls. In the next few weeks, I hope to be an encouragement through this series of articles examining: cliques, TMGD, loneliness, what to do if a friendship caves in, and other issues that most, if not all, girls eventually will have to deal with at sometime in their teen years. Stay tuned…