Guest Post~ Of Wrestling and Excuses

My blogging friend Melinda has written today’s post. I appreciate Melinda’s friendly heart that is expressed through her blog:

Radiant Purity and True Beauty

Her blog has been such a blessing to me, and it will bless you as well.

Now for her post:

 

I don’t know why it was so difficult this time.  I had done it plenty of times before. But after my heart was broken, I didn’t want to trust God with it again.  I had my excuses.

 

“God, why must I trust you for the person I marry?  You already have hurt my heart in that area.  I tried to do everything right!  No, I want control over that area of my life.  I can’t trust You in this area.”

 

They were pitiful excuses.  I couldn’t trust the Creator of the world and my Heavenly Prince who wrote my story before I was born with my life.  As a result, I wasn’t happy.  Discontent, fear, distrust and self-pity reigned supreme in my life.

 

My wise mother noticed and perceived my problem (how do mothers know?) and told me late one night, “I think you need to surrender your desire for marriage to God. I don’t think you are trusting Him in that area.”  Faced head on with my problem, I blubbered around, sobbing the same excuses I told God. “But He gave me something I didn’t want last time.  Why should I trust Him again?”

 

I fought against it for awhile.  The Love that will not let me go, however, won the day.  I surrendered my whole life anew to Jesus Christ.  I chose to trust Him completely for my future, including who, when and if I should marry.  I realized I am without excuse.  He who wrote my story demands full obedience to His Will and plan and His will and plan are perfect.  His promises are sure.  Instead of wrestling, I will trust.  Instead of making excuses, I will rest in His care.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:11-13

‘Live With Purpose’ (a tidbit of Chapter 1 of my book)

How often do we think ‘September thoughts’? “Since the school year is starting, I will do ____” or “I can have 30 weeks to study ____ a little bit more.” It’s easy to think we can let our schedules and circumstances determine our life; to help our future along. It’s like living on autopilot: letting social life, full calendars, games, appointments, and homework become our purpose for living. And for us college women and beyond, it’s easy to think housework and college and chores is all that’s worth living for.

These activities are all worthy and many are necessary to living. Chores need to be completed. Homework must be finished. Doctors need to be seen. Teeth need to be filled. It’s life.

But, when we start to look to our calendars to determine what’s next, our lives are set to live on autopilot. And when a huge change comes (like graduation, for example), we aren’t sure what we’re supposed to do. We feel lost, like our social life has been stripped away; we feel like we have no reason to exist: like we have no purpose… like God has taken everything we liked to do away!

I confess I used to live on autopilot. Looking to the next thing on the list to determine what I should do. It is how we young single women start to feel discontent when we’re 18 or 21 or 30 and not married- or even seeing anyone. We’re too used to everything coming at us in an orderly fashion, being in control of our lives. When things like a job, marriage, or college don’t come our way, the discontentment sets in.

In reality, God is not taking anything away from us. WE are living without purpose.

“Our hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in You.” Saint Augustine

So often, we’re caught up in living life to simply live life, we forget what we’re here for. We were made for God, not the next big thing! It is only when we live for God do we genuinely begin live vibrantly, wholly, and fully.

How do we do that?

Well… that’s what my book is all about!

Don’t You Dare Dream Big!

Do something big.

In our generation, we’re told to “dream big” all the time. We’re told to set goals and make plans.

Dreams are dreams, plans are plans, and goals are goals. We rarely see them accomplished- and if we do, they’re little things that don’t matter.

Because we’re too lazy to see thethem though.

Sure, we all have aspirations (like ‘become a lawyer’ or ‘get married’ or ‘write a book’) and dreams (such as ‘see the world’ or ‘meet the president’ or ‘live in Ireland’) and we all have plans (like ‘get diploma’ ‘hunt for a more fun job’ ‘have a party’ ‘go to Kings Island’).

How often are we seeing our goals through? It seems to me we’re told to dream big, but nobody really gives us a direction. Average adults sit back let us ramble through life, giving us vague advice. There’s nothing wrong with job hunting, and I love King’s Island. But how often do we see the big things getting done? Not often. We spend too much time in the small stuff.  It’s good to live life with a metanarrative-ish plan, but… look at your calendar. How many of the things coming up in the next week really count for something? Will you remember what you did ten years from now? What could you be doing instead? It’s neccessary to get your haircut, or get your car’s oil changed; but do you really need to go out for coffee to “unwind”? How about shopping with the girls? Biking with the guys? What really matters?

So, my short challenge to you is to DO big. Don’t walk a tightrope or bungee jump off the Willis Tower, make an impact. Start a blog, write a book (and be sure to back it up someplace,189 pages of a devotional book I was writing and 78 pages of communism articles I was working on disappeared forever with a virus! Just warning you! BACK IT UP ON A DISC!), go on a missions trip, or teach a class. Mentor someone instead of being mentored for once. You will find you like it! Hey, if you’re a man and like speaking, try preaching when your pastor is on vacation this summer.

What are some “BIG” things you have done? What are some major things you’d like to do? How are you going to get there? I’d love to hear your thoughts, and you may inspire some other friendly folks along the way.

 

Stay At Home Daughter

Part One

  People won’t like the fact you are going to live at home until you marry.

Fact.

Expect their disapproval, but don’t be discouraged by it.

Prepare answers!

  There’s a passel of myths swirling around the church community and abroad, tricking people into thinking our time at home is a time of… laziness. Unless a stay at home daughter is making no contributions to the family household whatsoever, this daughter is not wasting her time at all. People at church grill me almost every week because, well, I’m weird. And weird (to them) means sheltered, narrow-minded, stupid, and maybe even lazy. Some of the questions I’m asked are:

  “Don’t you want to have a life?” “Do you feel like your parents are forcing this on you?” “What about college? Do you mean you aren’t going away?” “Maybe you’re just afraid of the real world.” “Why not move out and get an apartment when you’re graduated?” “What if you’re dad and mom die?” “Maybe your parents are making you do this because they know you’re not ready and are naïve?” “How can you say you like living at home?” “Don’t you want to learn life skills?” “You won’t know what’s new in technology and in the culture if you’re not in it!” “What? You’re graduated/graduating?” “What about socialization?!”

  I’d like to attempt to destroy these myths and give you an idea of how to go about answering similar questions that may be asked of you.

  “Don’t you want to have a life?”

I usually laugh, because I find this question forthright and hilarious. I ask them to define “life” and what “life” entails. Remember: the battle over ideas is a battle over the definition of words- when words lose their meaning, people lose their lives (and debates). Life, to them, is a fun-filled, outing based, social time where a girl spends her single time growing socially, shirking her duties at home. “Life” means that I should not be ‘stuck’ inside a house all day. “Life” is all about me!

  Life, in God’s definition is serving others, learning all I can before some guy steals me from my mom and dad , and getting a grasp on reality: LIFE is not about FUN, is not FAIR, or is of things FRIVOLOUS, nor is it based on crammed social agendas! My mom told me recently that life is not about the next great thing to look forward to: it’s about looking forward to the next thing God tells you to do. How true.

 “Do you feel like your parents are forcing you to do this?”

Not at all. My dad is really one who says “Whatever you do is fine, honey,” in most situations. He would not force me to do anything- unless it is something that I would benefit from, like sticking out a class at a co-op, or when I was younger eating all my veggies. My mom likes loves to see me carry out my convictions and obey the Holy Spirit. She is full of guidance, and is definitely one of my best friends; but I came to discover the idea of Stay at Home Daughterhood by myself, through reading.

 After being at home for so long, they assume your parents have an attachment problem and will not let you go! You can help this by one verbal move; but it is hard to make someone change their mind about you.

Simply speak of your commitments as your own. Don’t say “My dad wants me to wear skirts.” “My mom doesn’t want me to go to this activity.” Make your commitments your own. “I prefer skirts, they are more modest.” “That activity would not benefit me.” This will erase the idea of “bondage” into parents passing on convictions, or a ”teach them to your children” outlook, or even “indoctrination”. Proving the commitments are accepted and fine by your book doesn’t make your parents look like captors.

Suggested resource list-(do in order )

1. Read: So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

Listen to the CD by these girls: Strength and Dignity for Daughters

Watch: Return of The Daughters

2. Joyfully at Home by Jasmine Baucham (I really like this book, I apparently have a lot in common with Jasmine, so it really really hit home for me)

Watch: Dominion Oriented Daughters (Geoffrey Botkin)

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

I, again, ask those who are leaving book-long comments meant to stir up rabble rousers for the convention to S-T-O-P.

This is our family’s final year @ Midwest Homeschool Convention (unless they invite Ken Ham next year and allow AiG to display in the exhibition hall…). I’m excited to be going (though bittersweet, because of the grim events happening concerning AiG). I will be posting pictures and notes over the weekend, so be sure to check back!

Why We Hate Our Bodies

Hey, I’m still AWOL, but that’s okay. Here’s another post to read in my absence.  

Only 2% of women think they are beautiful.

Only 2%?

I thought we lived in a world where mascara and clothes were readily available. I thought we lived in a world that told us the right pair of shoes and a new bag would make us glamorous. Hey, the plastic surgery companies are prosperous- meaning people are spending money on new noses and ears. That’s supposed to make them beautiful.

Teen Vogue sent me a letter in March, asking me to subscribe to their magazine. The letter said, and I quote, “Where else can you find where to buy the looks you crave? Subscribe today and never look boring again. Ever. Or your money back. Get our exclusive info on style so you can always be satisfied with your body type and clothes. What other magazine has the latest tips on beauty, fashion, and style? None other than Teen Vogue. Subscribe today!” End quote. Okay, how come hardly any subscriber I know is satisfied with their body and clothes? Did they get their money back? I highly doubt it. These trends of culture are causing them to want more than culture and they don’t even realize it. They look to culture again for a solution.

Not too smart.

Okay, it’s no joke. We all know that pressure to be thin, sexy, gorgeous, and maybe even a little wild. We are familiar with the media hounding us to be comfortable with ourselves and show off our gorgeous body. At the same time, movies are influencing the new fashions, made available in sizes 00 to 13. The average junior jean size is 9/11. What does that tell you?

The world’s standard of beauty is unattainable outside of drugs, starvation, and cigarettes.

But, some girls take the media’s challenge.

I have an acquaintance I will call Chrissy. She is 16, 5’6″ and wears a size 00- loosely. She’s reluctantly gained some weight recently, but it’s not enough to take her out of the emaciated category. It almost grosses me out to watch her do anything, you can clearly see her bones- she probably weighs around 75 to 85 pounds. Chrissy will not eat- an adult we know is always making pastries and picking up brownies for her to munch on. Chrissy’s response is always something along the lines of, “Oh, my brother will like these, thanks!” or “My parents anniversary is next Tuesday, they’ll like this!” It really gets bizarre when she rants about her ‘flabby thighs’ and her ‘gross arms.’ Her wrists are maybe 4 – 4 1/2 inches around and she complains she’s fat! My wrist is almost 6 inches around and I wear a size 3. Does that make me ‘morbidly obese’??? Some of us have tried to talk with her- to get some common sense back into her head- like comparing our arms and legs with hers, showing her our jean sizes, sharing our weights and so on. But she’s convinced she’s heavier than all of us. It’s insane.

Thank you media for convincing these girls that they are not pretty unless they are ‘skinny.’ Thanks to you, girls have these weird fun-house-mirror-eyes that totally distort their view of themselves. One day they’re too tall, the next they’re too short. It’s a hilly ride that our culture labels “Normal adolescent behavior.”

Labeling something normal does not make it right.

God made our bodies the way they are supposed to be. If you are a size 9 and wear ‘L’ shirts, you are beautiful.  Your body is great for you! Saying we aren’t happy with ourselves is, in a sense, accusing God of making mistakes. He made you right the first time. Don’t try to become unhealthily and unnaturally thin.

But, I do want to stress the fine line of not being a glutton. It’s not right to eat Twinkies, Ding-Dongs and Ho-Hos all day and sit around doing nothing, saying “This is how God made me…” Some people naturally have a slower metabolism and will be heavier, but it does not mean you are ugly or useless. God has a plan for your body! But don’t cover gluttony with the excuse “God wants me to be heavy, so I’m okay with that.” Eat to live. Don’t live to eat. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Make it a strong temple. A temple that will point others to God.

What do you think of this whole issue body issue? Have you ever struggled with negative thoughts about yourself? Did anyone make fun of you? Did you have an eating disorder? How did God help you overcome that? I’d love to hear your thoughts about this deep topic!

In The Right Direction: Check Your Motives

Too much is focused on culture in our culture. That sounds confusing, but it’s true. Go eat this and go do that. Try this food, it’ll change your life. Buy your own {insert item of the day} and you’ll be cool. Wear this lipstick and your friends will want to emulate you.

You’ll be a star.

Supposedly.

A certain young lady I know has an addiction with culture’s low expectations and doesn’t know it. If only she  knew how much she could be doing if she left her comfort zone. She attempts to never wear the same thing twice, claims to have 200 pairs of shoes, recently got a laser treatment to permanently remove leg hair, has a tatoo, and has her belly button pierced. All for the sake of what our culture calls hot, trendy, and cool.

But she’s not famous. She’s still buying up the fashions left and right.

How come we’re still trying for fame, when we’ve bought the lipstick, ate the food, bought the {insert item of the day}, and did everything you were supposedly supposed to do?

All the culture expects us teen girls to do is buy their products, believe their psychobabble, and repeat. It’s a futile cycle of buy, savor for a bit, and a let down afterwards when we don’t get that promised fame. So we fall into the trap again. The culture has low expectations for us: and if we choose not to buy into the ideas they have set, we are mocked. Other times, we are praised. We’ve got to be careful when people praise us, but more on pride later.

If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, my opinion is clear that low expectations bring us down (you taught me well, Harris twins ). Even if we have high goals for ourselves, others look down on us because we are young. Because we are going against culture. because most of our leaders like the world’s ways and thinking. Most friends agree with me that at some point, others- whether parents or friends or mentors- have brought us down because of their unconscious belief in low expectations. Their expectations are  ”Do just this small thing, and I’m satisfied.” Often we do one small thing, then go beyond and do another small thing, and get yelled at! Shouldn’t they be happy? We exceeded the standard.

We should always try to exceed the standard, not simply meet it.

These standards should be met happily and for God’s glory, not our own. It’s easy to stay humble when we admit our issues to others. When we try to get all the praise under our belts and problems occur. Things don’t go as smoothly. Deflecting praise and telling others God gives you the abilities is a great way to stop pride from even taking root. One of the things I feared the most when starting Bright Lights and other bible studies was becoming prideful of leadership status. I was afraid I would become a bit cocky- and there was a remedy for this! Befriending the girls. When you are true friends with somebody, you will not ‘lord’ over them. You share your thoughts with them in a discreet, loving way. I discussed this topic of pride with a woman over dinner once. People driven by culture will think of your ministry as silly. They will think you’re stuck up for choosing a higher road. We talked further into this idea. Does it really matter what they think? Not really, as long what you’re doing is Biblical. We discussed the possibility of fear. Maybe they are intimidated by your high standards? Nothing is wrong with high standards-as long as these standards are realistic and Biblical. If our motives are right, we figured God will bless.  As long as we fit that criteria, we should be able defeat the pride monster. In fact, other’s disapproval of complete devotion to Christ will come naturally. The Bible says the world (culture and it’s products) hated Christ before it hated us. Maybe that is the root of low expectations.

I can’t say I have no pride problem, we all have a good infusion of the old ego in us. It’s our nature. But we can suppress it by God’s grace.

In a nutshell:

a) deflect praise to God

b) tell others how you feel about something in a staright-forward and honest way (that’s being humble)

c) befriend those you may lord over

d) don’t let status go to your head (point b can help with that)

Desires, Choices, and Young Men

Do you have a “husband list?” I do! ” The Husband List” is the term I use for the ever growing list of character qualities, physical abilities, and so on I desire in a husband. As of this month, the list is in the 300′s. (Dear future hubby I have yet to meet: NO PRESSURE!)

Most of us want a classic gentleman. We desire an honest, hardworking lad who is strong of mind and body. Someone who is forgiving and full of love. A man who won’t compromise and stands alone. A guy who is intelligent and funny. Someone who will never let us feel lonely again.

I was thinking last night about how often God places desires in our heart. I can honestly say most, if not all, of the list is a manifestation of the desires God has placed in my heart.  I know God has placed these desires in my heart to be a wife and mother someday. The more I thought about this, I realized God places those desires in our hearts to draw us closer to Himself.  No man on earth could possibly fulfill every single want and need we have. He may pass “The Husband List” test, but we all understand there’s quite a few things a man cannot do. Man cannot solve every problem that comes up. Men do not know the future. Men fail. Men lie. Men are sinful. In fact, all humans have a sinful nature- and none of us can change the fact.

So what’s with these desires? I don’t think we come up with them ourselves. because we’re supposed to look for a man with character like Jesus! God’s Son!

God cannot fail us. He is our true Prince Charming. He places these desires for a true Prince to bring us closer to Him. As young women, our deepest desire is to be married someday. I’d like to encourage you to run into your true Prince Charming’s arms. He is the Gentleman of your dreams. He can fulfill every longing and need if we just trust Him. He is enough to satisfy- no doubt about it. I believe if we learn to love Christ first- our intense desire for earthly romance will become more controllable. If we do not have Christ first, we will be unhappy. We know that much is true. So, when we settle for less by dating around and not waiting for God’s best, we will feel unfulfilled and unhappy. I thought about what would happen if you did marry ‘the right one’ God had shown you, but Christ is not your first love. Your husband is. Would you be happy? I honestly don’t think so. When God puts a longing in your heart, it is with purpose. When you stray from it, and don’t run to Him first for fulfillment, I can’t imagine being content.

Are there godly men out there? Yes, I can name some. But, are there perfect men out there? No. Don’t bother thinking there are and stop pursuing them. It is an illusion that is portrayed in every Hollywood romance. The real world is full men who err, who sin. Not that all men are bad, but they are simply bad by nature. As I thought through this, I also realized that your husband should understand that Christ is first in your life. And that should build you up together.

But we too often allow our desires to overtake us. Wild thoughts turn into emotions, and we start doing things we shouldn’t. Acting on the Spirit’s leading, parent’s direction, and experiences prior, we make wiser choices. Our parents know what is good for us, we know from common sense and past good or bad situations what we should and shouldn’t do. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is working for good in our lives to the glory of God. But choosing to act on emotions, which change by the hour, our choices go skiing downhill.

Manipulation begins when we act on how we feel. Young women like to start things. They initiate conversations, friendships, clubs, and fun outings. They intiate studies of the Word of God. There’s nothing wrong with getting things started. Women have an influence on men that most of us do not realize. Women help men lead well, but they can help men lead badly. When we stop letting men lead, and begin to initiate and lord over them, it is safe to say that this is manipulation and going against God’s design.

The thing we should never initiate is a romantic relationship with a guy. When we like a guy, that attraction overtakes common sense. We find ourselves seeking out this man, ways to be near him, know him, know about him, and know his family. Our thoughts turn more towards him instead of Christ: these thoughts are based on emotion. Our emotions are strong, unpredictable, and contrasting. The more I think about manipulation, the more dangerous it seems! How can we make decisions based on our feelings? Feelings come from the heart, which is basically sinful. Jeremiah 17:9~ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it? Our heart cannot be fixed to be perfect, and make all the right choices. We cannot trust our emotions. But we can trust the Holy Spirit. When we draw closer to him, we make better choices, big decisions become easier, and we tend to hesitate less. Boys do appreciate when we stand back and let them do the intiating. Manipulation is wrong, dishonest, and demeaning. Please, please, please don’t get impatient and give in!

We must use self-control when dealing with everyone: including guys. I know of a time when my dad (who does things like most men: the hard way) was called inside to eat dinner. Our family is unusual: we eat around the table, as a family, every night. Sometimes one of us is visiting a friend’s, at work, or in this case, a little late. We had been waiting, sitting at the table for a few minutes, and my dad came in from the yard. He took his time washing his hands in the bathroom. Then, he went the opposite direction from the dining room and headed into the living room. He started shutting all the curtains, checking the thermostat, etc. As a hungry girl staring at delicious-smelling food, my first instinct was to yell at my dad. Sometimes I do, but this particular time I didn’t. That’s self control- something I still have to work at. But how can we apply self control to our friendships with guys when we can’t excersise it at home? Our parents may be a little backwards according to us, but that’s how they work. You can’t change them and shouldn’t try to, no matter how much you want to. That’s the way it is with young men. Don’t try to go after them and tell them every little thing you like and dislike about them. Apply self-control.

Our ‘Husband Lists’ should not be determined by culture. We’ve all seen the downhill trek that society has been making for the last 75 years. Societies are shaky, they come and go, and are determined by humans. (Back to our sinful nature!) The standards we have should be higher. Way higher. Expectations have hit all time lows- and I don’t expect them to rise anytime soon. With low expectations on us girls, people just expect us to get married to the first moral-but-mediocre dude who asks. Higher standards will look crazy to those around us. Even my Christian friends think I’m crazy when I tell them about my ideas concerning love. They laugh because of high standards. They laugh becasue they’ve never heard of such a thing called courtship. They laugh because they aren’t sure how to respond to a person actually applying God’s Word to all of their life, not just part of it.

But that’s fine by me. I don’t want their approval. I don’t need it! All I want is the smile of Christ and a still small voice saying “Well done.”

Since I am only 16  and single, and have a long way to go in maturing in Christ, these are just thoughts. But really, I have never felt so happy and content since I stopped looking for the one and starting looking to the One. It’s amazing! Pursue Him, He is enough! We do need to have a plan, however. If we don’t- we won’t go anywhere. That plan must be in God’s will. That plan must be seeking to please Him, not gain money and material things for ourselves. Simply act in obedience to the Holy Spirit, and God will show you what you’re going to do next. If your life goal is contrary to that, and getting married is top priority, you’re making a wrong decision.

Don’t look. Prepare. Build Jesus into your life, don’t try to fit Him in here and there. Everything you do should be with His approval. If not, don’t do it.

:: Friends ::

Tuesday was the final meeting at the bible study group I lead before we break for the summer. I decided to talk about friends, as many young ladies are not careful with their choice of friends. Here are some of the points from the lesson:

What makes a good friend?

Proverbs 17:17 ~ A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.

A friend will love you when you’re having a “grouchy day” or aren’t feeling well. They will stick with you through anything and will remain loyal. If they simply walk off when you’re having trouble, they aren’t the right type of friends.

Proverbs 27:10a~Do not forsake your friend.

Some choices to make when making friends:

Choose to grow spiritually together. It’s great to have Christian friends! We have an extra special bond with them: we share more than this world in common! I have a friend who shares prayer requests with me, and I share some of my requests with her. Then, we’ll update each other in the weeks following. When you have a friend who shares a passion for God, it edifies both of you.  

Proverbs 27:17~ As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

When iron is whetted against iron, sparks fly as both are turned from blunt to sharp. We should try to keep our friends sharp both spiritually and physically.

Choose to be yourself. Don’t be one person with your first friend, another way with the second, then yet another way with your third friend.  Who you are at home is who you should be with your friends. Life is so easy when you just be yourself.

Choose to be loyal. Don’t flip back and forth between friends. If you can’t make up your mind on who’s your best friend, then make all of your friends equal. Never ignore your friend- especially if you are in a place where you have many friends. Invite all of your friends to sit with you at a dinner, stand with you when you talk to others, and walk around with you. If some of your friends are jealous of you hanging with one person at church, try not to sit your friends. Sit with your parents to avoid showing favorites.

With all kinds of relationships, including friendship, there are going to be minor and major problems, fights, and a time of saying goodbye.  Trouble usually starts with a disagreement about what to do, where to go, how to do it, or something you or she did and the other doesn’t like.

Don’t act as if nothing happened. You must acknowledge the fact that one of your erred. If you know it’s you who was wrong, admit it humbly. Ask forgiveness and make it a point to do right. However, if your friend accuses you of something and you know what you did was Biblically right, ask your parents for direction. If it’s just a petty disagreement about silly things like what to eat, it’s better just defer and don’t be petty along with her. Always be careful with friends who disagree with you. They may end up disagreeing later about bigger issues. Sometimes they are small, and you can live with that. But bigger things, like smoking and partying may be a sign that your friend is the wrong type of friend.

If there’s been a misunderstanding, try as best as possible to keep it between you and her. If others notice a problem and ask what’s happening, say something to the effect of: “There’s been a problem, and we’re working on it.” If they press for details, it would be wise to tell them some details in a way that doesn’t detract from your friend’s testimony. Simply explain things in a polite way and that you’re working things through as best to your abilities. Don’t point out her bad points in the issue. (“She told me that I was a loser!”) That only shows how immature you really are.

Don’t just ‘fall’ into friendships. Pick your friends wisely: after getting acquainted, pray about it and ask your parents for direction. Your friends should have many good qualities – not lots of bad qualities. Don’t be too particular, though, because nobody is perfect. Just be aware that some people are out to tear you down, and ruin your testimony. It’s hard to deal with these kinds of people. Because I don’t know your situation, if you are having problems with these friends whose life goal seems to be to ruin your life, you need to talk to your parents. They are your no. 1 resource for advice and encouragement (after the Bible )

Some facts about friends:

It is better to have an acquaintance who is the right type of friend than a best friend who is the wrong type.

As long as you get along well and have similar beliefs, just about anybody could your friend. (Don’t scratch off those older folks. They are so wise!)

You’re actually about 5 to 10 people away from being friends with everybody. (You know someone, who knows someone else, etc, after you repeat this five to ten times, the last “known someone” should know you. Make sense? It’s true)

The best secret to have is the secret of keeping no secrets.

When I lead the study, I try to include an activity, and this meeting’s activity was ‘friendship duos.’ I made a list of some famous pairs (Adam/Eve; Currier/Ives, Bert/Ernie, etc)  When you stick around a girl for a while, you become recognized as their friend. You both become associated with one another, like when you hear the name Beauty, you think of the Beast. Their reputation becomes your reputation. You need to pay attention and make sure the association you have with a girl is a good one. They think of your name and then think of your friend’s.  Are you a good reflection of her?

 

:: Blessings Come In Small Packages ::

Children are so special. They are always bringing a smile to my face with their cute words, innocent giggles, and chubby legs attempting to match their parent’s strides. Even though they don’t quite understand the adult world and thinking- what they say can often be so relevant.

Last Sunday, as I sat in church, I noticed a little 5 year old girl sitting in front of us. She was listening very intently to pastor and nodded in agreement with his words. She is the cutest young lady in church- and to see her desire to listen to Pastor instead of going to Jr. Church is a blessing.

Our neighbors (mentioned in my barking dog post ) may be annoying sometimes, but one of their kids is just downright CUTE! He has some developmental issues, but his smile is worth a million bucks! Another one of those blessings you don’t expect . His smile can brighten anybody’s day.

There is one little girl named Nicole who has a very imaginative brain. She has boldly stated that she is going to be a woman farmer- and plant baked beans (I’m not sure where you get those seeds- let me know if you have any, though). Her husband, for some odd reason, is going to live in another house across the field. She insists I come to help her paint her Disney Princess barn. She is learning to spell and write words- with a touch of humor. The other day she gave me a folded paper with a stick girl drawn neatly on the front. I opened it to see the words and the oh-so-cute-yet-misplaced-punctuation scribbled on the inside: ” I, am a boy.!” Oh the blessing to laugh at a child’s humor!

A young lady in my Bright Lights group has begun writing letters to me. It is such a blessing to her how her life has been going along, and what she has learned recently. It’s surprising to know really how much she has learned!

Sadly, most of us teen girls often do not stop to give the little ones attention or answer their questions. We simply give them a little nervous smile and keep walking. We are afraid to get involved and ask them questions for fear they do not undestand. Many girls at my church tell me they don’t even know what to say to a 10 year old! Say what you would to your best friend (using discretion, of course). Just because someone is shorter, younger, and less educated doesn’t make them totally clueless. A few even pat the tops of little ones heads as if they were a little cat or dog! They want to romp with you! Be tickled! Chase you! They look up to you and long for the day they will be old as you.

Children are a blessing- not only to their parents, but to those around them. You may be surprised at how many blessings you miss out on if you don’t interact with the young!

“Youth is such a wonderful gift. Too bad it’s bestowed upon the young.”

~In the spirit of I Timothy 4 12~

A Life of Service

Here are some thoughts I’d like to share with you today about ministry.  This week’s Bright Lights lesson is on developing a ministry, and I thought I’d share with you some of the things God has laid on my heart to teach the girls in my group.

~How to Serve Radiantly For God’s Glory – Not Your Own~

Begin practicing leadership: Leaders realize it’s not about them- it’s about serving others. Most people are followers- when there is somebody to show them what to do- they will follow. Leaders are noticed! “Leadership is the willingness to rise to the bottom.” This means that by lowering our status in this world, we are rising in our heavenly status- we have found favor with God. ‘The men who moved the world were the men the world would not move.’ Abraham Lincoln got that right! It basically means: Shape your culture. Don’t let it shape you!

 

 

Use your passion: Your passion is the thing you can not not do. Passion is doing what you love and can’t do without. Use it for God’s glory, not the praise of men. Take your passion captive under Christ’s headship – don’t let the passion captivate you.

 

 

Get a mentor to help you along the way: Proverbs 13:20~ He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. If you spend time with foolish people, you will also be foolish. Make sure your friends encourage you and help you. Talk often with older people in your church- they are full of pointers and counsel. A study actually showed that teens with mentors were more likely to be leaders – and successful ones at that! Abe Lincoln, Timothy from the Bible, and Theodore Roosevelt all had mentors- all became great men of God.

 

 Know what you’re doing and why: Understand why you are doing a certain ministry- and pray for direction where you’ll go next. “If you don’t care where you go, it doesn’t matter what road you take.” This is true: if you want to go to Texas, don’t go towards New York. Choose what way you should go carefully, and don’t stray off the path. Follow the Bible to the letter for guidance along the way.

 

 Model responsibility: Trust, respect for others, service, obedience, and willingness are all characteristics to have when serving. Self control is also important. If you decide to minister to a friend who has a problem with controlling her words, you shouldn’t give her help unless you have the quality of controlling your words!. If you can’t control yourself either and decide to give her help, this is called hypocrisy. Responsibility starts with truthfulness. Responsibility also harnesses ‘the excuse monster’ and takes the blame humbly. 

 

 

Things to remember when doing ministry~

God uses ordinary people to accomplish the extraordinary!

Smile!

Prayer must proceed ministry

Be under your father’s authority (Malachi 4:6, Proverbs 3)

Avoid all appearance of evil (Satan is bent on hurting our testimony)

Check your motives often and don’t proceed until they are right

Be enthusiastic- it’s contagious!

Set goals for your life- they get you farther!

Be sensitive to others and their needs more than your own. Jesus Others You

Demonstrate courage and initiative

Find security in the Lord, not people’s opinion (the fear of the Lord)

Be bold in speaking the truth in love

Be a good listener

Share the gospel when the opportunity arises

Be an example (dress modestly, watch your words, etc)

But I’m afraid…

What if the people don’t like me? What if I goof up the gospel? What if? What if? WHAT IF?!

Prayer- is so great! Fall on your knees before you begin ministry. Pray to thank Him afterwards. If He calls you to do His will, He will give you the strength you need. It should always go first before doing any type of service to the Lord. Pray before you help in a church activity. Even songs at church can become prayers. Really mean what you sing!

Fears are well-concealed lies- They are traps Satan puts into our way to trip us up. Once we see the lies for what they really are, we can quickly and wisely navigate our way around them.

 Speak and teach on subjects you care about. Do the ministry you have a passion for. Even when you don’t like what you’re doing, do it for God!

Simple ideas to get started:

 

An encouragement ministry~

Sending notes to widows, grieving families, new mothers, shut-ins, and those sick in the hospital

Give hugs often!

Singing ministry~

If your family is musical, sing at nursing homes, or get in touch with other musical families and sing together for a large family choir!

Do special music at church

Speaking ministry~

Do a Bible study with your friends

Prayer Ministry~

Pray for waiting children- for more info go to adoptuskids.org

Everyone is nervous when they start something new. Here is what I’ve learned so far on overcoming fear~