Hyper-patriarchy vs. Biblical-patriarchy

Hyperpatriarchy is a type of demanding fatherhood and husband-hood ( ) that requires nothing less than exact obedience all the time- even on minute issues. Hyperpatriarchs like to dictate what his daughters and wife wear, what they do, and where they go. They like to be in complete control and have the final say. They often ignore what their family has to say and go with what they want.

Reading an independent-fundamental-Baptist-Reformed local magazine for women that somehow ended up on my desk; I was shocked at the articles on submitting to your husband/father. Some quotes from this magazine:

“You must let a man be man. (nothing wrong with that) If you interfere with any situation, even if it is sin, better to leave him alone for fear of ruining his testimony.” (Sounds faintly of Muslim honor and strongly of letting someone live knowingly in sin)

“When a woman shares her opinion, she is sharing the true heart within her. This nasty heart in manipulative and wants to see her husband’s ruin. Better to keep her mouth shut.” (So women cannot share opinions wit their husbands???)

“Your husband did not have to marry you. Do not complain about his strictness in keeping you in when he goes out. Being married is enough for him, why push him to do something you want when it is his turn to have fun?” (It’s the woman’s fault he’s angry/disinterested in her?)

I agree with being thankful for what we have, letting men be men, and that the human heart is sick. But when a woman has no say whatsoever, has to live in fear for her husband’s spiritual well being (because she can’t call him out on sin); and has to avoid dealing with even petty problems… that’s hyperpatriarchy.

I was accused once of being a victim of hyperpatriarchy. I bought a lovely maxi-dress recently at a store called Forever 21. I tried to wear it to church the next Sunday; and dad ended up telling me he didn’t like the cut. It emphasized the wrong parts of my body, and he didn’t want that at all. (“Not even a hint” as I like to put it) I really wanted to wear the dress, but obeyed. At church, my friend asked if I was wearing the dress I’d bought. I said “No” and explained the situation. She shook her head and said “That’s no way to live. Your dad is a total hyperpatriarch…”

Let’s take a look at Biblical patriarchy:

Christ is masculine. God is masculine. God so loved the world…HE… gave HIS SON. God is also the ruler of everything, but a gentle one at that. He doesn’t want harm to come to us, but sometimes obedience can cause suffering in some way from others. God is not a cruel taskmaster. He very nature is love. Christ is love. The man of the house represents Christ.  Both man and woman are made in God’s image and are both called to exercise dominion over the earth. They share an equal worth as persons before God in creation and redemption. The man is also the image and glory of God in terms of authority, while the woman is the glory of man. (Gen. 1:27-28; 1 Cor. 11:3,7; Eph. 5:28; 1 Pet. 3:7) God has also ordained gender roles. Adam already had headship over Eve before sin entered the world. (Gen. 2:18)

God has placed authority of fathers and husbands to be useful and good in direction family. There is a limit on a man’s power. He must be in the Lord. When a man is outside of God’s will or word, he is not leading well. When in sin, there is hardship for the man to lead. The same goes for a woman when she will not submit. A man’s authority should be exercised with grace and love as a servant, priest, and leader; following the example of Jesus Christ. Leadership is a stewardship from God. (Mal. 3:17; Ps. 103:13; Col. 3:21; 1 Pet. 3:7) A man should also be subject to the laws of the government. (Romans 13) The man and wife, (and hence kids) should also submit to each other and respect opinions, tastes, and views, as long as they are of the word.

The woman is called to be keeper at home- meaning she is to run the household in domestic affairs: cooking, cleaning, teaching kids (primarily- I want my husband to be fully committed to teaching our kids at home and pray he would want to take part in that); basically becoming more like a Proverbs 31 woman every day. This doesn’t mean she can’t “have a job”  it simply means her #1 priority should be home. My mom is really a Proverbs 31 woman! My mom and I have a business of sorts- every Tuesday we make 14 dozen cookies and my dad sells them at work. It’s extra income. It’s “working willingly with our hands”. My mom gets up early to start the laundry and she often stays up late to finish things. She is known for her artistic ability (especially working on VBS decorations, where she happens to be right now), her cooking, her get up and go spirit. People at church talk about her highly. She is frugal with our money, so much so, we have surplus of things. That frugality leads us to never do without (we are the thrift store junkies, but we have the nicest, largest, CHEAPEST wardrobes around, I’d say) I could go on, but you probably get the point. She is very submissive to Dad, her hubby, whom she’s been married to for over 20 years. Aww…

*ahem*

Father/husbands should oversee the family well; and do so biblically, gently, and firmly. He must also realize that everyone has an opinion, and his opinion may not line up the wife’s or kids’.

Now, back to the story I was telling about the dress. If my dad would have said “I don’t like that pattern on you, it looks outdated…” It would have been a matter of personal preference, and hyper-patriarchy if he told me to obey immediately without protest. But since he directly said “I don’t like the cut of the top part and how it draws attention to your bust,” I knew right away what exactly was wrong- and that it wasn’t right. Since my dad noticed something I’d overlooked completely, I figured the other guys at church would probably notice, too. I didn’t want to “accidentally” ”entice” a dude when I knew I shouldn’t be even wearing something enticing. And, since the Bible tells us women to be modest and cover up what should be covered ,-and I knew I shouldn’t cause any brother in Christ to lose sight of Christ if I could help it- I decided to do what I knew was right. I changed my outfit.

So, was my dad a hyperpatriarch or a biblical patriarch?

You can’t expect to submit to your husband one day if you can’t submit to your dad now. It’s not always going to be that BIG thing. It will more than likely be a small thing.

A Standard For Encouraging and Dealing With Guys

I’d like to share with you some resources I just added to my library.

Preparing to Be a Helpmeet ~ Debi Pearl  Talks of types of guys, types of girls, and what each type should do to prepare for the guy she will most likely catch.

Answering the Guy Questions (hereafter refered to as “ATGQ”) by Leslie Ludy was an amazing book! It is a quick read, so this book is good for people who want to look at a topic and run off.

Also, “What Our Father Taught Us About Boys” (a CD by the Botkin sisters) is another helpful resource.

All three opened my eyes to how much girls and guys are alike- and how they are so very different, too.

 Boys are people too.  “This may sound funny,” as Anna Sophia said in the CD, “but it is true.”

 We often go from one extreme to the other when it comes to dealing with boys. There are boys I know who are very forward with me, and sometimes I walk away from a conversation wondering “Should I have said that?” and other times I walk away thinking “I wish I had said a lot more.” Other boys I have no reason to talk to, and after awhile, I just began to ignore them. These situations are both wrong. I want to apply some basic principles:

>Do dress nicely, modestly, and stylishly, but not FOR them. ATGQ talks of respecting their future wives and your future husband by keeping hidden what should be hidden. And remember, if there are many guys there, there are many future wives, too. Don’t expect anything until you are of marriagable age and the guy has asked for your hand through your dad!

>Don’t chatter mindlessly. Guys understand you more than you think. According to Preparing to Be A Helpmeet, they are always watching and listening; even if not for romantic purposes. They will know you by your words. Discontinue fillers, crude slang, and random chatter about yourself.

Don’t EVER manipulate. For example: Angela likes Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t think Angela would make a very good wife. He is not interested. But, Angela, seeing him ignore her is not acceptable. She wants him to notice her and sets up a date trap to get him alone with her in her car. This led to other things, and Kyle didn’t really want Angela in the first place. This is called defrauding. The girl was taking what was not hers, doing things she had no business doing, and initiating things when it was not her place.

This action is not only displeasing to God, but it reflects badly on you. Manipulative women are pushy, and once married, will push their husbands. Read Proverbs 7 for more about a wicked, manipulative woman.

Don’t ignore them. I have a knack for doing this, and it frustrates me! Even if guys are being pushy, greet them with a quiet smile, and if annoyed, let them or others do the talking so you don’t explode or pour mindless chatter on them. I was recently followed around almost everywhere by a certain guy. I’d be walking, then turn around and there he was. I’d feel goosebumps on my neck and he’d be watching me intently from several hundred yards away. When I finally bumped into him face to face, my mom was with me, and she was able to do the talking. Thank goodness for parents and the chance to apply the truths right away!

I hope you will consider these resources and add them to your library! They are priceless, and they could change your life.  Remember our highest goal is not to snag a gent, or to please the guys in our lives; it’s about becoming a woman who is worth “far above rubies”. (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

Stay At Home Daughter

Part One

  People won’t like the fact you are going to live at home until you marry.

Fact.

Expect their disapproval, but don’t be discouraged by it.

Prepare answers!

  There’s a passel of myths swirling around the church community and abroad, tricking people into thinking our time at home is a time of… laziness. Unless a stay at home daughter is making no contributions to the family household whatsoever, this daughter is not wasting her time at all. People at church grill me almost every week because, well, I’m weird. And weird (to them) means sheltered, narrow-minded, stupid, and maybe even lazy. Some of the questions I’m asked are:

  “Don’t you want to have a life?” “Do you feel like your parents are forcing this on you?” “What about college? Do you mean you aren’t going away?” “Maybe you’re just afraid of the real world.” “Why not move out and get an apartment when you’re graduated?” “What if you’re dad and mom die?” “Maybe your parents are making you do this because they know you’re not ready and are naïve?” “How can you say you like living at home?” “Don’t you want to learn life skills?” “You won’t know what’s new in technology and in the culture if you’re not in it!” “What? You’re graduated/graduating?” “What about socialization?!”

  I’d like to attempt to destroy these myths and give you an idea of how to go about answering similar questions that may be asked of you.

  “Don’t you want to have a life?”

I usually laugh, because I find this question forthright and hilarious. I ask them to define “life” and what “life” entails. Remember: the battle over ideas is a battle over the definition of words- when words lose their meaning, people lose their lives (and debates). Life, to them, is a fun-filled, outing based, social time where a girl spends her single time growing socially, shirking her duties at home. “Life” means that I should not be ‘stuck’ inside a house all day. “Life” is all about me!

  Life, in God’s definition is serving others, learning all I can before some guy steals me from my mom and dad , and getting a grasp on reality: LIFE is not about FUN, is not FAIR, or is of things FRIVOLOUS, nor is it based on crammed social agendas! My mom told me recently that life is not about the next great thing to look forward to: it’s about looking forward to the next thing God tells you to do. How true.

 “Do you feel like your parents are forcing you to do this?”

Not at all. My dad is really one who says “Whatever you do is fine, honey,” in most situations. He would not force me to do anything- unless it is something that I would benefit from, like sticking out a class at a co-op, or when I was younger eating all my veggies. My mom likes loves to see me carry out my convictions and obey the Holy Spirit. She is full of guidance, and is definitely one of my best friends; but I came to discover the idea of Stay at Home Daughterhood by myself, through reading.

 After being at home for so long, they assume your parents have an attachment problem and will not let you go! You can help this by one verbal move; but it is hard to make someone change their mind about you.

Simply speak of your commitments as your own. Don’t say “My dad wants me to wear skirts.” “My mom doesn’t want me to go to this activity.” Make your commitments your own. “I prefer skirts, they are more modest.” “That activity would not benefit me.” This will erase the idea of “bondage” into parents passing on convictions, or a ”teach them to your children” outlook, or even “indoctrination”. Proving the commitments are accepted and fine by your book doesn’t make your parents look like captors.

Suggested resource list-(do in order )

1. Read: So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

Listen to the CD by these girls: Strength and Dignity for Daughters

Watch: Return of The Daughters

2. Joyfully at Home by Jasmine Baucham (I really like this book, I apparently have a lot in common with Jasmine, so it really really hit home for me)

Watch: Dominion Oriented Daughters (Geoffrey Botkin)

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

I, again, ask those who are leaving book-long comments meant to stir up rabble rousers for the convention to S-T-O-P.

This is our family’s final year @ Midwest Homeschool Convention (unless they invite Ken Ham next year and allow AiG to display in the exhibition hall…). I’m excited to be going (though bittersweet, because of the grim events happening concerning AiG). I will be posting pictures and notes over the weekend, so be sure to check back!

What Stay At Home Daughter Does NOT Mean

Almost every week I am asked questions about my choice to live at home through college. I try to answer them, and have actually written out several answers to some questions.

Then it turned into a blog series.

Over the next few days (weeks?months?) I hope to share with you 14 frequently asked questions about being a “Stay At Home Daughter’. Maybe more. Make that probably more.

I’d also ask you to do your part and share some FAQ’s you are commonly asked, answers you share with the ask-er, and some other answers I might come up with. I may turn your Q/A into a blog post (with your link, of course, if you have one )

Spread the word!!

Pressure To Be “Smart” and “Successful”

A good education [through books, documentary, magazines, sermons, teachers, elders, and the like] provokes thought.

The teachers don’t think for you.

They don’t shove watered down indoctrination down your throat.

They let you do the thinking.

They let you decide for yourself what conclusion makes sense.

If you’re not asking good questions, you’re not thinking. If you’re not thinking, you’re not getting educated.

It’s that simple.

Colleges really don’t care if you exit their campus  with knowledge. They want your money and your heart sitting obediently in their laps. Universities divide and conquer by belittling, student “organizations” and the coveted A… which is only placed on the papers that spit back what your professor told you.

Colleges are out to indoctrinate you- they aren’t big promoters of free thinking and speech. Look at all the colleges that have hate speech codes! The college campus is a dictatorship of relativism, a horrible dominion or atheism, with a whatever floats your boat, goes. {exception: Christianity} You won’t find the dean very sympathetic to your complaints of low grades on biology papers. They won’t tolerate your ‘intolerance’ (which, by the way,  is intolerance).

The University was once a pinnacle point to be if you wanted to become a thinker… a free thinker… but now, they are places for liberals to produce minions,  the young to learn Communist doctrine, and a haven evolution studies.  If you think about the whole open-minded, tolerant issue, they are the ones that are narrow minded and intolerant!

Because we hold college so high on our list of great things to do, success becomes synonymous with a piece of parchment with words that mean “Sue Public is educated.”

Let me tell you about some people who didn’t attend university, but became great leaders, thinkers, and speakers. Some of these people have character that is amiable, people I’d like to be like…

Abraham Lincoln~ Even though he started the whole tax thing, the admirable Mr. Lincoln’s fight against slavery and steadfast faith in God is what got him to the Civil War Presidency.  Not a degree. President Lincoln was a first rate speech giver, though quiet and thoughtful by nature.  This man self taught himself trigonometry and algebra, and simply read books to become a lawyer. That’s thinking.

Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin~ Homeschooled authors of So Much More, co-stars of Return of the Daughters and Homeschool Dropouts did not attend college.

Andrew Jackson~  This US president was homeschooled and taught himself law, made it to congress, and was a judge.

Ben Franklin ~ A little eccentric in his style, Ben Franklin never went to school! His mother and father taught him, later on he learned through discussion with the people in his city.

Christopher Columbus~ Be thankful that this guy had the initiative to studiy maps and geography, figures and languages, because without that, he might not ever had made it the “Indies”. Perhaps we would be European? Though he didn’t discover America, as the fable tells us, he did discover the fact of another continent.

Henry Ford~ He didn’t invent the car, but he did invent the assembly line. This man who grew up just miles from my house didn’t even think to go to college, and studied human actions and time saving qualities until he came up with the assembly line!

Joyce C Hall~ Started Hallmark Cards after spending his time working odd jobs to supplement the family’s income. His faith in God propelled him to step out in faith selling cards… and eventually he started the business. He never went to college, but studied some business on the side

Rachael Ray ~ Though she annoys me to kingdom come, it is amazing that she never went to college, attended culinary school, or took a formal cooking class. She taught herself.

Sarah Mally~ Founded Bright Lights, a discipleship group for girls; leads Strong in the Lord Conferences; and wrote a book. Never went to college, and the same with her brother and sister, whom she wrote another book with.

Thomas Edison~  This guy was homeschooled, and worked on the railroad at age 12. Studied subjects that interested him, which developed into the invention of the movie camera, lightbulb, and others.

There are so many more degree-less people out there who are just as smart (or smarter) than those with degrees!

Going off to college is actually not Biblical. Sure, young adults back in the day went to a group learning session or two a week, but it didn’t require them learning away from home and living at the school. They came and went and weren’t required to believe everything that their teachers did. The teachers were elders who were wise, skilled, and old: with lots of experience behind them. This is the best kind of teaching! If they wanted to learn specifics, they did live with a relaitve or dear friend who knew a lot about the subject at hand.  Don’t leave your father’s house to go live in a place full of deceivers and mockers. Why should a Christian girl purposely immerse herself with these kind of people?

There are alternatives to going to live on a college campus. Here are some things that help you gain knowledge the right way!

1. College Plus ~ a system that I am planning to do once I graduate this spring. This is an online course through Thomas Edison State and Bryan Colleges. Using CLEP tests and distance learning, you stay at home and work through your own pace. I’ve heard of some people who get their degree by age 15, 16 or before they graduate! When I first heard that, I was shocked, thinking “But they are too young!”

That is the wrong kind of thinking. Just because you’re 18 it doesn’t make you magically ready for higher learning! That is the Darwinian view that “young can’t understand because they haven’t evolved…so we need different levels- segregated by knowledge…” or the Communist view of “divide and weaken, then conquer…” (This is why churches have 5th grade Sunday school, 4th grade Sunday school… break up the family, weaken the church) Age doesn’t equal smarts!

2. Ask to have an elder, wise person to write down things that they wished they’d known at your age. This is very helpful. There are a lot of older ladies at my church who randomly give me great (and I mean GREAT) advice! Our church has a mentoring ministry for older to teach the younger. Though I think parents should teach the topics, I think it’s nice for those who have families who won’t teach their kids. Some topics our church covers are: canning, sewing/mending, knitting/crocheting, mechanics, gardening, cooking/baking, home repair, etc.

3. Start a home journal with recipes, ideas for cleaning and design, notes to self in the future… focus on your home!

4. Do an internship! I’ve applied to go intern with the Mally family in Cedar Rapids IA this summer. If I am accepted, (which I am praying fervently that I am!!), I will gain experience in running a business, organizing conferences, leading ministry effectively and efficiently, and other little things like sharpening my initiative (living away from parent’s reminders to do my laundry, haha), improving budgeting, and smart grocery shopping. I will be living away from home, but it is with a very strong Christian family who will support what my parents have taught me and strengthen my walk with God, not tear down or mock. This is ideal! I have several friends who are going to internships this summer. A few are going to intern at the Michigan capitol as assistants to state house reps, one is going to the Associated Press for a photography course, one is going to work with a designer, one is going to live at his friend’s farm and learn farming all summer, and another is going to a local photography business and still living with his parents. There are so many internship opportunities out there, and the best news is, many of them are free or of little cost!

5. Read. Read. Read some more. Read again and again and again. Don’t’ just read anything. Read something that’s got something profitable in it. Then read it again. And again. Until you know the book so well you could explain the whole gist of it to another person. I re-read all of my hundreds of books at least three times through the whole year. (If I get accepted for that internship, I may haul a bunch out with me) I am always carrying a good book around with me. I started a book blog for that purpose:

6. Community college- You stay at home and attend classes during the day or evening. Most of the graduates from my church attend a community college, and it works well. The only downside is, you may have a prof who thinks you’re stupid because your faith. Since you are near to your parents and church, you’ll be able to go home and discuss possible rebuttals – easy!

7. Ellerslie School of Honor ~ This is like a Christian college without being a real college. There is no writing, math, or geography or whatever else ‘real colleges’ teach. Eric and Leslie Ludy teach you about living the Christian life and remaining set apart- it lasts for an entire semseter. I’d like to go here someday!

8. Summit Semester/Oxford ~ Study in Oxford or in CO, but this is a more academic semester for serious student who want to think. I know a couple people who’ve done this, and they said they started out asking a couple of questions every day- and left asking hundreds every day. It really got them thinking! Plus, the teachers often won’t give you straight answers, they direct you to a pile of books to bring yourself to a conclusion.

9. Rivendell Sanctuary~ This is relatively new, so you may want to check out their website. This is a basics course, and there are opportunities to study abroad. I’ve heard it’s like Summit Semester… only in Minnesota (no mountains?! oh man…)

10 Attend a lot of conferences throughout the year. Homeschooling conferences usually don’t care if you’re a graduate, and you can learn a lot about teaching kids just by sitting in on some of the parent’s sessions. I’ve always loved going to conferences, and this year, I’m going to Midwest Homeschool Convention in Cincy.

11. Other online courses, like Vision Forum’s occasional writing courses. I didn’t participate in Mrs. Morecraft’s writing course, but I heard it was excellent!

12. DVDs~ Order as many DVD documentaries as you can, watch them all and take notes. Start with Answers in Genesis, then check out Vision Forum

13. CD’s Order as many CDs as you can. Tomorrow’s Forefathers has several great ones, as does Vision Forum. Listen to sermons and lectures online (a favorite pastime, I’ve learned so much!)

14. Read three or four different translations of the Bible together. See which one is most correct. The NIV Bible is actually no different than the Jehovah’s Witness Bible. The NIV just has footnotes. ESV, NKJV, KJV, and God’s Word Translation are good to compare. Write down the differences and see what changes have been made. You’ll never know when you’ll need to argue against some faulty idea.

15. Take advantage of any class your church may offer. Bible study? Attend it if you can! Nutrition or cooking? Go! Women’s prayer and fellowship? Give it a try! Don’t grow weary in going, even you think you may not learn anything. If possible, start a singles women group and discuss the book Sacred Singleness. Encourage others to overcome their false view of marriage and singleness, and serve together in your community. Make a quilt and send it to a missionary in Sudan or another refugee-filled place. I remember doing this with some friends before I knew what Sudan Christians were facing. Do something that counts!

There are a lot more options out there!

Read… and you will be educated…

I Challenge Thee…

…to manifest the spirit of Psalm 119:11 in thy heart!

I am trying to memorize 1,000 verses this year.  ^ I made this banner for the cover of a 1″ binder that holds the passages I have chosen so far. Deuteronomy 29-29 is my life verse, not the reference for “Thy word…” (Psalm 119-11). 

If you want to memorize say, 365 verses, or 500, or some other amount, that is fine too. Just make it a stretch. Personally, I am trying to memorize whole passages of scripture that aren’t too long, and have some familiar verses in them. That way, I can memorize them within their context.  The verses you choose to memorize are up to you. Have fun with it! Put them all over your house and drive your family nuts! Post them on your blog! Put them in the car!

You also do not have to do this all year long, you may set a six week goal, a two week goal, or specifically choose a passage to work on.

Care to join? Leave a comment and let me know how you will be participating. If you have a blog…

Here is the button for the challenge, but this brings a problem: I need someone to make the coding for me! That is one thing I can’t do! If you can make the HTML code, please let me know!

Otherwise, just upload as an image, put it in a widget/gadget, and link it back to http:// echoesinthewind.wordpress.com

Friendly or Flirtatious?

Hi! Right now, I’m in Wisconsin, probably not anywhere near an Internet source. Why? This is a scheduled post- I’m not here! I’m at Summit camp. I wasn’t going to leave you postless, now, was I? In fact, I’m leaving a post for you every day, so don’t fall behind, now!

Now, on to flirtation:

What happens when a guy starts flirting with you?

How do you respond?

Here’s the answer: It depends on the young man! A nice fellow could simply be friendly with you in his own way- causing you to wonder what his true intentions are- friend or flirt? A guy could begin flirting intentionally with a young lady, and the girl could take him either as a nice super-friendly dude or as a total pervert!

Keep this one thing in mind: young men who flirt have insecurities. This has been true in every situation I have observed. Guys just want attention- to be thought of as cool, tough, and manly- their sole purpose is not love- just to bring attention to them. By flirting, they believe girls will notice them- and they do: for the wrong reasons. Flirting is a form of manipulation, and that’s using a situation to benefit yourself and no one else. Guys who flirt are usually weak Christians: the type you shouldn’t marry! The guys close to you should never start flirting- because they care about you! Flirting is a neat way to know who doesn’t care about you. Guys who flirt are selfish. They want the thrill (short term) that flirting gives them. They want to brag about how they caught that pretty girl’s eye so all their friends can ohh and ahh.

When an immature man flirts with you, don’t even look his way. That’s one thing I have learned. Just looking at him- even in annoyance- causes him to continue and receive that momentary thrill.

A friendly and/or intrested guy however, will ask questions out of genuine concern for you. He will pray for you, help you along, and do things your friends would do: in a guy’s way. If you have been friends for a long time, then expect some jokes and playful banter. That’s not flirting. It’s fun and friendly communication! Don’t assume that your relationship may be turning into something more simply because you’re in high school or college.

There is a point in almost every high-school girl’s life when you think, well, hope, just maybe believe that perhaps this one, uh, … ahem, young man, may like you.

Is it flirting-

-or is it true interest?

Or is he just friendly?

Sometimes it’s just too hard to tell! I made some new friends awhile ago, and we were all getting very well acquainted. I had several guy friends in this group, so I knew I had to be careful with this situation. I was careful about what I shared with these young men. Out of the blue, one of the guys gave me an inexpensive gift. It was a typical guy gift (involved a large amount of candy) that he might have easily given everybody there as well. I wasn’t sure how to respond! I asked around to see if any of the other girls in my group had received this gift as well, and they all said they hadn’t. As the weeks and months went on, this guy began take almost every opportunity to be near me. He made jokes with me in a friendly way. He talked with me and asked questions about my walk with God. As you can imagine, a young man showing any sort of interest in you gets your curiosity piqued! He is a very friendly young man, but I still do not know for sure whether or not he likes me. And I will not find out: I am not going to manipulate and ask. What if he says no? Then what does my testimony look like? What if he says yes? I am committed to waiting for God’s best for marriage: and I don’t feel any leading to get married! God can bring Mr. Right in at the right time: without your help! (He created the world without your help- what makes you think He needs help with something smaller? ) The best way to deal with a wait-and-see situation is prayer. Act on the Holy Spirit’s leading: not your sinful nature.

Don’t flirt back. That’s joining in on sin.

At the root, flirtation is attention without intention!

A Life of Service

Here are some thoughts I’d like to share with you today about ministry.  This week’s Bright Lights lesson is on developing a ministry, and I thought I’d share with you some of the things God has laid on my heart to teach the girls in my group.

~How to Serve Radiantly For God’s Glory – Not Your Own~

Begin practicing leadership: Leaders realize it’s not about them- it’s about serving others. Most people are followers- when there is somebody to show them what to do- they will follow. Leaders are noticed! “Leadership is the willingness to rise to the bottom.” This means that by lowering our status in this world, we are rising in our heavenly status- we have found favor with God. ‘The men who moved the world were the men the world would not move.’ Abraham Lincoln got that right! It basically means: Shape your culture. Don’t let it shape you!

 

 

Use your passion: Your passion is the thing you can not not do. Passion is doing what you love and can’t do without. Use it for God’s glory, not the praise of men. Take your passion captive under Christ’s headship – don’t let the passion captivate you.

 

 

Get a mentor to help you along the way: Proverbs 13:20~ He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. If you spend time with foolish people, you will also be foolish. Make sure your friends encourage you and help you. Talk often with older people in your church- they are full of pointers and counsel. A study actually showed that teens with mentors were more likely to be leaders – and successful ones at that! Abe Lincoln, Timothy from the Bible, and Theodore Roosevelt all had mentors- all became great men of God.

 

 Know what you’re doing and why: Understand why you are doing a certain ministry- and pray for direction where you’ll go next. “If you don’t care where you go, it doesn’t matter what road you take.” This is true: if you want to go to Texas, don’t go towards New York. Choose what way you should go carefully, and don’t stray off the path. Follow the Bible to the letter for guidance along the way.

 

 Model responsibility: Trust, respect for others, service, obedience, and willingness are all characteristics to have when serving. Self control is also important. If you decide to minister to a friend who has a problem with controlling her words, you shouldn’t give her help unless you have the quality of controlling your words!. If you can’t control yourself either and decide to give her help, this is called hypocrisy. Responsibility starts with truthfulness. Responsibility also harnesses ‘the excuse monster’ and takes the blame humbly. 

 

 

Things to remember when doing ministry~

God uses ordinary people to accomplish the extraordinary!

Smile!

Prayer must proceed ministry

Be under your father’s authority (Malachi 4:6, Proverbs 3)

Avoid all appearance of evil (Satan is bent on hurting our testimony)

Check your motives often and don’t proceed until they are right

Be enthusiastic- it’s contagious!

Set goals for your life- they get you farther!

Be sensitive to others and their needs more than your own. Jesus Others You

Demonstrate courage and initiative

Find security in the Lord, not people’s opinion (the fear of the Lord)

Be bold in speaking the truth in love

Be a good listener

Share the gospel when the opportunity arises

Be an example (dress modestly, watch your words, etc)

But I’m afraid…

What if the people don’t like me? What if I goof up the gospel? What if? What if? WHAT IF?!

Prayer- is so great! Fall on your knees before you begin ministry. Pray to thank Him afterwards. If He calls you to do His will, He will give you the strength you need. It should always go first before doing any type of service to the Lord. Pray before you help in a church activity. Even songs at church can become prayers. Really mean what you sing!

Fears are well-concealed lies- They are traps Satan puts into our way to trip us up. Once we see the lies for what they really are, we can quickly and wisely navigate our way around them.

 Speak and teach on subjects you care about. Do the ministry you have a passion for. Even when you don’t like what you’re doing, do it for God!

Simple ideas to get started:

 

An encouragement ministry~

Sending notes to widows, grieving families, new mothers, shut-ins, and those sick in the hospital

Give hugs often!

Singing ministry~

If your family is musical, sing at nursing homes, or get in touch with other musical families and sing together for a large family choir!

Do special music at church

Speaking ministry~

Do a Bible study with your friends

Prayer Ministry~

Pray for waiting children- for more info go to adoptuskids.org

Everyone is nervous when they start something new. Here is what I’ve learned so far on overcoming fear~

 

Ah-ha! I get this!

Ah-ha!

Ever have one of those really cool moments when you suddenly ‘get’ something you never understood before? A recent time for me was when, while sitting in the living room watching TV, a General Electric commercial came on. The GE symbol came across the screen and suddenly I got it! I looked up at our VCR and exclaimed “Oh! That’s what it stands for!” You see, I had never realized that the little squiggly lines of the logo made the letters GE. I just always thought they were made to be like the wires in the bottom of a light bulb- with no letters or particular shape. My family thought this was hilarious!

But really- Ah-ha moments happen in all types of circumstances it can be a funny moment (like me) or a perfectly serious time where you realize your call to the mission field.

How does a spiritual ah-ha moment come about? By deep thinking or sitting under the teaching of the Word. Our quiet times are very important for having those sudden “I get this!” moments. This week, try to do your quiet time every day. Don’t just read the Bible. Study it. Here’s a little experiment to help you understand a verse better. Let’s say that you’re not quite sure what Proverbs 16: 3 means. In the KJV, it says “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” Well, get out a dictionary and a thesaurus. Look up the key words, then write the synonyms in place of the words you looked up. The verse takes on a more understandable meaning: Give (commit) thy life (works) unto the Lord, and thy view/opinion (thoughts) will be firm (established). New understanding- clearer meaning. Like an ‘ah-ha moment.’ Don’t just go through the motions: purpose to really study the Bible this week.

Happy New Year!

It’s 2010! Wow, 2009 went by so fast, and now, a whole new decade is coming in.

Instead of New Year’s Resolutions, which I believe are not really worth making; I wrote down a list of things I’d like to come to pass in the next year. These varied big and small:  from my desire to have six girls in my Bright Lights group to getting a harp (an instrument I really want to play!). Then, instead of thinking up ways to do these in my own power, I prayed over the list for about a half hour.

So, if you have anything you’d like to see in this next year, don’t just use your own willpower to get things done, surrender it to God!