Die Already!

In Michigan, spring not only means ice storms and tornadoes, but the appearance of massive brown spiders crawling up and down your basement and bathroom walls.

Seeing them is not exactly the problem.

When you no longer see them the problem begins.

“WHERE DID IT GO?” Your mind races as you duck into the bathroom. “It was just on the ceiling above the toilet two minutes ago!” You circle the room, turning with alert eyes and ears; fly swatter and bug spray as lethal weapons in your trembling hands.

Suddenly, you spot it on the sink.

Crikey, look at those legs!

You could almost hear that rattlesnake sound from the movies as you whisper “I’ve got you now!” You roar a sinister laugh and begin to trash talk the lazy arachnid that is relaxing in the pristine bowl where you brush your teeth. “Prepare to meet thy maker!”

Thwap!

Aha! You are the champion! You have killed the world’s nemesis, you’ve-

IT’S STILL MOVING! What the-? 

(cue record scratch)

“Die, arachnid, die!” With a mighty Indian war whoop, you tighten your grip on the lethal weapons and make a face that would scare an old man. So much for trashtalking the eight legged disgusting invader. Your work is cut out for you!

Ten minutes and 78 thwap attempts later, the spiders legs have stopped doing their on-their-back-fast-forward-self-contained-kickline dance and you triumphant call your dad into pick it up and flush it to the underworld.

All in a day’s work!

Sometimes it seems like you can hear a faint roaring crowd and “We Are The Champions” playing in the background.

Thank you, thank you!

Sometimes, we can be like spiders. While God is not out to destroy us, He certainly wants our selfish side to die and be transformed by His love. Too often, we see people “get saved” then stay the same. Allow Him to change you!

As the song “Changed” says (sings? )

We have been blessed – now we’re going to be a blessing
We have been loved – now we’re going to bring love
We’ve been invited – we’re going to share the invitation
We have been changed – to bring change, to bring change
We have been changed – to bring change, to bring change
Thank You for this new life, thank You for the invitation!
God, we want to live and then we’re going to shape the nations ” in Your name!

What good is it if we take on the name Christian and go on living like before? It’s like getting married, taking on the guy’s name, then going back home to live.

God wants to change your heart and make you into a special person, fit for furthering His kingdom.

So, let’s play out the scenario, only from God’s perspective. He’s not exactly trying to kill you, but make you surrender your will. In His hands are not lethal weapons that will kill you, but ways that will transform you.

You’re like a spider, scurrying around, trying to find a nice place to chill out and live out your life.

God sees you even if you’re not living life in the open. Whether you’re like the spider on the ceiling or the spider behind the bathroom mirror, He sees what you’re up to! And He’s after you!

“Lauralea, come on! Let’s get you out of the habits you’re in.”

“Lauralea, don’t try that!”

“Lauralea! Stop thinking that way!”

“I love you, but you seem to love yourself and your ways more than you love me. Why do you pursue these things first? Why do you come to me last?”

“Stop running!”

“How much time did you spend at that activity… and why didn’t you spend any time with me today?”

“You will is not a reflection of mine… I’m going to shut some doors.”

“Die, will, die already!”

God may not be frustrated like we are and is definitely not after you with a giant flyswatter. He is patient. But He’s waiting. Come to Him. Stop doing the little on-your-back-fast-forward-self-contained-kickline dance whenever God knocks you off your feet through reprimands and circumstances. Stop running and hiding, because He can see you!

When He catches up with you, He won’t flush you to the underworld, er, hell. If you are a true child of His, your future is secure. But your holiness, self righteousness, self esteem, self worth, and self promotion must be replace with His holiness, his righteousness, and an esteem for spiritual things and things of worth. Self promotion and its insecure feelings will turn into confidence in God’s plans for you. Why continue in self focus, why run from God, why be absorbed in worldly things, when you can be transformed?

Stop avoiding God’s hand and voice. Stop fleeing Him and pursuing your desires. Let His desires become yours.

Die Already!

7 Basic Principles (and a bonus principle, just cuz)

(we’re talking about young men, ladies!)
Lately, I’ve been hearing the same question in various forms, but it generally means this:
“Please tell me, how do I relate to guys properly when I’m online? Should I not say certain things, or should I not talk to them… or like their funny status… or…?” This post is an attempt to answer this question as well as I know how to.  
Boys can be hard to read, especially when online. I read several sites written by guys, and comment frequently on a few of them. They are an encouragement and growing point for me, and they offer an entirely different view of things. Young ladies, boys are not taboo. They will not eat you! I meet so many young Christian girls who think talking to boys is off-limits in any form: in note, in courier, online, in person, and via phone. Not so!! As with all interaction: be careful. There are some real jerks out there in cyberworld; and real jerks in real life too. I try not to talk with those ones too much.
There are two extremes: not saying anything and saying too much.
I will give you some general idea of how I’ve built up the wall of protection around my life in interaction with online guys. For those of you on blogs, Facebook, Myspace, Youtube channels, Formspring, IM, Pinterest, Twitter, and email, this applies. And real life. Don’t ever forget real life.
Principle #1
Don’t comment just to comment.
Everyone knows when you don’t mean anything. Try to say something other than “Good, Jimmy, I loved that story about your grandma!” Tell him what you liked about it, thank him for his clean humor, his viewpoint, his thoughts… but don’t go overboard, either. “Jimmy, your story was so funny, I liked the part where grandma fell down on the ice. That reminds me of last summer when I slipped off the wet dock at the lake. Could you believe what happened? They sent the lifeguard after me and I had to get a blood transfusion cuz I hit my head on the boat propeller and was bleeding all over the place…” I see this so often from young women. Don’t ramble. If it has nothing to do with the facts at hand, don’t type it. (Or say it). It seems ditzy!
I see some girls who comment on every post or hear about that one girl who likes every status update from Johnny on Facebook, (which I do not have). I see a girl who comments on every single post or laughs about everything a guy is saying and think to myself “Why would she possibly need to do that?”
“Say too much and you say nothing.”
If it was insightful or thoughtful say so and be done.
Principle #2
Don’t share wishy-washy hopes and dreams.
If, for example, the young man posts an update about his mission trip to Barbados, don’t leave him a 500 word essay about how much you want to go there someday yourself. Or, if he talks about raising money for a cancer fund, (or something else “really good”) don’t give your life story of your mom’s cancer experience {and how much this touched you and led you back to so many memories, and it was just great, and thank you Bobby for talking/posting about this, it was so sweet and we should totally talk about all this sometime, how about over coffee?} Sharing thoughts and some general memories is a good thing, but not long-winded dreams or stories from your deeply PERSONAL past. Save that for your mom and girl friends.When we open up our emotions and desires to men, they begin to feel a connection, feel sorry for you, and even try to comfort you or talk more about your futures. That’s when the cards are stacked perfectly for compromise and tangled emotions. Not good…
Principle #3
Be to the point as possible.
I tend to leave long comments wherever I go. I tend to ramble when I talk, especially when people ask me for directions. I live on a main road that leads to a popular tourist destination in Michigan. In the summer, I get asked by people in cars where this place is, exactly. I could say “Keep going east and you’ll be there in 8 minutes, can’t miss it.” But I don’t. I can’t remember what I said to the folks from the south and west, but I know it wasn’t pretty. If it’s not pretty and memorable/impacting when giving directions, why would it be different when I’m talking with people I know?
Online, I re-read through my comments sometimes and ask “Could I be more concise?” “Is there something I’m not saying that should be stated?” “Am I saying enough?” “Do I really need to comment?” “Do I need to reply?” Sometimes I begin typing and realize I’m saying nothing at all. So, I leave.
I’ll also admit I use too many fillers, and it makes me look stupid. But it’s something I’m working on. I’m learning to just nod and smile instead of saying “That’s, like, so random, hahahahahaha…”
Principle #4
Don’t email guys unless they initiate.
Don’t click the contact page if you have no reason to do so. My standard is never contacting a guy unless I have a big reason to do so. Some people say this sounds weird, but we’ve all played the game of “does he like me?” by reading between the lines of his reply. We get little contact with a nice guy, and we begin to read a little too much into the situation, base a whole scenario in our head of what could happen next… and then we wonder why we’re discontent! Also, if you like a guy, your email/comment will reek heavily of it, even if you took care to not sound like you were carzy about him. Your carefulness will be at the forefront, making it “awwwkwaaard.” Those are some reasons I don’t initiate email with guys.
Another part of internet relations that kind of goes along with this is:
Be you, be mature.
In Debi Pearl’s book, Preparing to be a Helpmeet, she talks of young men checking out their girl (spacebar, spacebar) friends’ online “persona” (for lack of better term). Most young men (smart men, at that) have looked in a rather detailed fashion at the social networking sites most of his girl friends have been on. Blogs, Facebook, Myspace, and other sites provide a wealth of information. It is up to you to determine what goes online and what doesn’t. Stupid pictures of you and friends? Random pictures of your feet? You may say you have a right to privacy-and ‘how dare he snoop!’- but you took responsiblity by putting up there, right? You associate with those people, right? Any embarassment is on your part.
Principle #5
Sarcasm is a No-No
After several back and forth comments with a blogging guy named “Kyle”, I realized he wasn’t getting my sarcasm. After many conversations with a group of guys I know, I found they stared at me blank when I said something sarcastic. Most (but not all) young men do not like or get our sarcasm in person, much less online. Of course, a few guys I know are a bit on the fun, I-get-it side, but typing “biting” (though jesty) remarks online is a no-no. “Say what you mean, mean what you say.” Online messaging makes the sarcasm problem worse. Besides, is sarcasm a right thing to do anyway???
Principle #6
Don’t change yourself or your message for that ahem… crush, who umm, is online right now… or start talking about the things that friendly guy likes to talk about.
Unless, of course, you have that thing previously in common. (As in, you already liked music or guns or dancing or riding or history before Hot Dude Numero Uno came along!)
If guys join your blog or page for the journey, cool. But if your blog is to young women, don’t get caught up in the pleasing the men pit. If your Facebook page is for strictly news reasons only, don’t begin to leave mysterious or flirtatious status updates. Don’t post about guns because Hot Dude has a 2nd amendment discussion going on. I’ve seen blogs fail because of that. Don’t get yourself in trouble by pretending to like what he does.
And in real life, don’t act interested in what he’s talking about if you’re only interested in HIM! I own an old movie called “Three Coins in a Fountain”- or something to that effect. In one part of the movie, a girl decides to woo a nice guy by interviewing nice folks from around town about his favorite food, wine, music… and eventually becomes so guilty she ‘fesses up, and loses the guy. In the end, the guy ends up back with her, cause that’s how famous people act when they’re on a screen, and it’s only a movie, and we have to cram 40 weeks of forgiveness and denial into 3 minutes of falling action…
Life isn’t the movies. Stop thinking he’s coming around the corner for you to scoop you up and take you away… all because you both like Hungry Howie’s over Marco’s. Stalking his mom and friends to see what he likes, making lists about him, and thinking constantly about how to get the upper hand= manipulation. More about this in random principle 8…
Principle #7
Encourage!!
If I’m praying for people and the people’s peoples (like family, caregivers, parents, peers) J I enjoy telling them. Not always, but generally, I do. I do it because I love hearing about people praying for me. It encourages me, it makes me happy, and I am tickled pink by it. I want to return the favor for everyone! A youth leader once told me to never tell a young man I was praying for him. I asked her why… and she didn’t have an answer. “Just don’t,” was her advice. I’ve learned it is good and welcomed to share the fact you’re praying for them. Don’t be fake about it, either. I sense a lot of people tell me they’re praying for me because they know it’s a good thing to say. Honestly, be accountable! Be honest!
If I could add one random principle, it would have to be:
Principle #8
Stop fantasizing!
Just because he held a door open for you doesn’t mean he’s going to rescue you someday when you fall into a hole and can’t get out. As women, we tend to see a handsome lad a’roving through the supermarket and get what I call a “micro-crush”- an overwhelming sense of emotion for some guy’s ridiculously nice profile. Just because he looks nice doesn’t mean he likes you! Just because you made eye contact doesn’t mean he’s going to track you down and marry you. We can have the littlest material to work off of, but our imagination can fill in the huge gaps. Remember to treat all men as someone else’s wife. That’s enough to cool the overwarm, blush-creatin’ crush-at-first-glance-o-maker.
–
I’m all for being genuine. You see, our genuine calling as a woman is not to please the opposite sex. Superlatives cannot describe callings. To say a woman’s ‘highest’ calling is to be a wife and momma is not fair. Our highest call is to be a godly woman.
Let Elisabeth Elliot say it eloquently:
“We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.”
We have a special role to play! We’re to build up those around us, regardless of sex, backround, or habits. When we manipulate things to work our way, to make the most of every situation, we suck joy and valuable time out of others. If we spend all our time thinking of how we might be noticed, praised, or pursued by others- friendships, courtships, in dating, relating to authority, whatever kind of relationship- we are selfish, devoted to our own agenda.
I’ll close with a quote from Leslie Ludy, who puts it so bluntly, yet beautifully:
“The moment I died to self’s agenda was the moment I truly began to live for the first time.”

A Standard For Encouraging and Dealing With Guys

I’d like to share with you some resources I just added to my library.

Preparing to Be a Helpmeet ~ Debi Pearl  Talks of types of guys, types of girls, and what each type should do to prepare for the guy she will most likely catch.

Answering the Guy Questions (hereafter refered to as “ATGQ”) by Leslie Ludy was an amazing book! It is a quick read, so this book is good for people who want to look at a topic and run off.

Also, “What Our Father Taught Us About Boys” (a CD by the Botkin sisters) is another helpful resource.

All three opened my eyes to how much girls and guys are alike- and how they are so very different, too.

 Boys are people too.  “This may sound funny,” as Anna Sophia said in the CD, “but it is true.”

 We often go from one extreme to the other when it comes to dealing with boys. There are boys I know who are very forward with me, and sometimes I walk away from a conversation wondering “Should I have said that?” and other times I walk away thinking “I wish I had said a lot more.” Other boys I have no reason to talk to, and after awhile, I just began to ignore them. These situations are both wrong. I want to apply some basic principles:

>Do dress nicely, modestly, and stylishly, but not FOR them. ATGQ talks of respecting their future wives and your future husband by keeping hidden what should be hidden. And remember, if there are many guys there, there are many future wives, too. Don’t expect anything until you are of marriagable age and the guy has asked for your hand through your dad!

>Don’t chatter mindlessly. Guys understand you more than you think. According to Preparing to Be A Helpmeet, they are always watching and listening; even if not for romantic purposes. They will know you by your words. Discontinue fillers, crude slang, and random chatter about yourself.

Don’t EVER manipulate. For example: Angela likes Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t think Angela would make a very good wife. He is not interested. But, Angela, seeing him ignore her is not acceptable. She wants him to notice her and sets up a date trap to get him alone with her in her car. This led to other things, and Kyle didn’t really want Angela in the first place. This is called defrauding. The girl was taking what was not hers, doing things she had no business doing, and initiating things when it was not her place.

This action is not only displeasing to God, but it reflects badly on you. Manipulative women are pushy, and once married, will push their husbands. Read Proverbs 7 for more about a wicked, manipulative woman.

Don’t ignore them. I have a knack for doing this, and it frustrates me! Even if guys are being pushy, greet them with a quiet smile, and if annoyed, let them or others do the talking so you don’t explode or pour mindless chatter on them. I was recently followed around almost everywhere by a certain guy. I’d be walking, then turn around and there he was. I’d feel goosebumps on my neck and he’d be watching me intently from several hundred yards away. When I finally bumped into him face to face, my mom was with me, and she was able to do the talking. Thank goodness for parents and the chance to apply the truths right away!

I hope you will consider these resources and add them to your library! They are priceless, and they could change your life.  Remember our highest goal is not to snag a gent, or to please the guys in our lives; it’s about becoming a woman who is worth “far above rubies”. (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

Oh Joy! Quotes and Notes!

~~Little Paragraphs and Deep Thoughts, Big Facts and Scrawly Notes That Churn ’Round In My Noggin~~

“Legalism is merely the futile attempt to do in our own strength what the Spirit of God means to accomplish on our own behalf.” ~ Leslie Ludy Set Apart Femininity

The form in which ideas are expressed affects what those ideas will be. (The MEDIUM is the METAPHOR) ~ Neil Postman Amusing Ourselves To Death

If you asked 2o good men today what they though was the highest of the virtues, 19 of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christains of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philosophical importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not of primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian view of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself.  ~ CS Lewis, The Weight of Glory

It is a sin to be dumb! ~ John Stonestreet- Summit lecture

A real woman is a woman who recognizes that she has been exquisitely and perfectly created by a loving God for a unique purpose. Out of geniune gratitude, awe and a desire to please her Maker, a real woman joyfully embraces her femininity and submits every aspect of her identy to God’s original and unique design for her…Unlike feminists, we know God’s design for women. This gives us the upper hand. Will we use it? ~ Elizabeth Botkin So Much More

America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within. ~ Josef Stalin (from the opening of the documentary, Agenda) And what’s happening in our world???

The flood of rampant homosexuality will not ruin a nation. Why? Because rampant homosexuality is a sign that the nation is already ruined! ~ John Stonstreet Summit lecture

Godly womanhood, the very plance sounds strange in our ears. We never hear it now. We hear about every other type of woman: beautiful women, smart women, sophisticated women, career women, talented women, divorced women. But seldom do we hear of godly women- or of a godly man either, for that matter. We believe women come nearer to fulfilling their God-given funtion in the home than anywhere else. It is a much nobler thing to be a good wife, than to be Miss America. It is a greater acheivement to establish a Christian home than it is to produce a second rate novel filled with filth. It is a far, far better thing in the realms of morals to be old fashioned, than to be ultra modern, The world has enough womee who know how to be smart. It needs women who are willing to be simple. The world has enough women who know how to be brilliant. It needs some who will be brave. The world has enough women who are popular. It needs women who are pure. We need women, and men too, who would rather be morally right than socially correct. ~ Peter Marshall

When God’s Spirit is given His rightful place in a young woman’s life, He transforms her personality to reflect His beauty… He can overtake any kind of personality. . .You decrease, so that He might increase…~  Leslie Ludy The Lost Art of True Beauty      (This book was a great book for me. I tend towards shy, and for the first time, I realized I could go outside of myself- types are just types… but I recently went to http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp to take a personality test anyway. The test revealed my weaknesses and strengths. I am an INTJ – Which type are you?)

The Baha’i faith believes in one God, but there are many ways to seek/experience God. Minimize theological differences and work together for harmony of faiths, freeing slaves and seeking justice. Affirmative action. Socail Justice. Service to humanity is highest goal. Baha’i believes in one God in one person- unitarian theism- it’s roots are in Islam, but they also accept YAH, Jesus, and Brahma as the same person- these are just other names. ~Len Woods      (Is the new Zach Hunter “Be the Change” movement founded in Baha’i? Whether he knows it or not, unknowingly, yes. The affirmative action movement is combining various religions to do things in God’s name. Is there a way to do hard things the wrong way? Yes! Baha’i followers will be among those to whom God will say “Depart… I never knew you…” Pluralism is one of the worst of the false worldviews).

To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward event. The best informed man is not necessarily the wisest. The wise man will seek to acquire the best knowledge- to recognize the significance in the factual is wisdom. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer (He is a good writer, and I like his “Cost of Discipleship”, though his theology on salvation was messed up…)

“We live in a dictatorship of relativism… what people say and do becomes normal, but not right.” ~Scott Klusendorf.

“Waiting for Godot is the Humanist’s dream. It’s about two guys waiting for a friend who never comes. Notice what the friend’s name is… GODot.” John Stonestreet on Beckett plays. (Seriously, look them up. They are hopeless)

“For I seek not to understand in order that I may believe, but I believe in order I can understand, study, and learn. “

Ideas have history, they come from somewhere. Ideas have feet, they will go somewhere. Ideas have consequences: they will do something to you or for you. Doc Noebel

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out it has no meaning. Just as if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would have no meaning. ~ CS Lewis

In the world it is called Tolerance, but in hell it is called Despair. The sin that believes in nothing cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, remains for nothing, and has nothing for which it will live for or die. ~Dorothy Sayers (Sounds like Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World- a place so hedonist and so limited by… love)

This so-called tolerance is nothing but a huge indifference.  ~Alexis de Tocqueville

“We are all part of one. Intellect is error…” ~Bhagwhan Shree Rajneesh - (Haha If we are all part of ‘one’, how did we get away from that oneness into many religions? Just asking, Mr. Rajneesh)

Sloppy language makes sloppy thought possible. ~Michael Bauman

Be the first you, not the second me. Education is learning to think, indoctrination is teaching you how to think. ~Michael Bauman.

The probability of life originating from an accident is comparable to the probability of the unabridged dictionary resulting from an explosion in a print shop. ~ Edwin Conklin

He that knows nothing will believe anything.

If God wants to use you, he wants to use the real you. Not the person you want to be. God doesn’t use imaginary people. He wants you to be who He made you. Christians should not feel guilty by this… they are fogiven. What we feel is conviction.  Rowan Gillson (IPS)

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Read as many books as you can- I often wander the aisles of the library and pull of non-fiction books, take them home, and read them completely. You’ll never know how much you can know until you start to learn.

More Thoughts on Your Body, Health, and Abilities

Accepting God’s design for you 

…is impossible…

…is hard…

…is not easy…

…will be hard, but very possible.

Don’t stand in the mirror and say “I love my _____” until you’re blue in the face, because it does nada. Well, strike that. You’ll end up with laryngitis, because you’ll have to say it a long time before you believe it. If you ever believe it…

Remember when I shared the statistic “Only 2% of women think they are beautiful” ? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: WHY DON”T YOU FEEL GORGEOUS WHEN YOU CAN BUY BOTOX/LIPSTICK/TUMMY COMPRESSORS/[random beauty product]?

The answer I gave you was MEDIA.

But now I’m going to get on with the problem of comparing yourself to others. I’m not going to lie… I do this myself sometimes. I used to do this nearly everytime I met someone who looked somewhat smaller than me and wonder “Is she thinner than I am? Dang it!” I’m still learning to accept God’s design for me, but I thought I’d share what I do know…

Life is NOT a competition! If somebody’s skinnier than you, so what! Either they are sinfully anorexic or God made them to be that way! If your friends can run faster and farther than you, God didn’t make you to run like them. I think if we all were 5’7″ 110 pounds, brown hair, green eyes, with the same athletic abilties, life would be very BOOORRRIIIIIINNNGG. God made variety and diversity…

Your worth is not in your ability/looks. You do not have to perform well to be valuable. Just being yourself (‘being yourself’ as in your own genuine talent) is acceptable to God. Do try to look or act like somebody else. I’ve noticed in ballet class some younger girls will start copying the older ones in the motions. Since we elder ones have been dancing longer, we know the steps well and add our own ‘flair’ to them (such as a head tilt or a flick of the wrist). I believe trying to be just like somebody else is wrong (unless you’re playing Simon Says, and life ain’t a game of Simon Says!!!).

God made man and woman and said  “It’s very good!” (Until the sin nature came into play… ) By good, I think He meant “I like this” or, “Hey, I’m pleased with how this turned out and don’t want to change anything about it!” Well, if your waist is 36 inches around, know that God doesn’t want you any other way! If you’re too short for basketball, know that God made you short for a reason. I’m learning to rejoice that I am the way I am. I find myself happier and more content when I am rejoicing.

If you’re thinking you want to lose weight, ask yourself “Do I really need to?” Seriously… if you’re at a healthy weight, don’t try to diet. But if you really think it’s time to change a few habits and shed some pounds, the key is self control. Also, look at the sodium on packaging. Try to keep your main dish to 500 mg. or less of sodium, eat lower sodium food, and don’t salt your food. We started doing this three years ago and I dropped three sizes. (I was heading towards chubby and actually lost 20 pounds of pure water weight!) You’ll realize how bloated you used to be and think “Man did I really eat that stuff?” BIG PS: It won’t be easy for a while, you’ll crave salt like MAD!

Your size is just a number. I have a little trouble with this one! I find it hard to buy a pair of jeans if the size is bigger! Even though I know brands vary in their sizing, I often will not buy a larger size. I am learning to let it go and just buy things that are modest, nice, and feminine. This is a toughy, but you must realize your size is just a number.

Knowing God has designed me to be the way I am is sometimes hard for me to accept. Chances are, it’s hard for you, too!

What are your thoughts on these thoughts? I’m sure you have something to say!

Flirtatious…or Friendly?

Today, I am happy to introduce Kelly, a friend and fellow blogger. She writes to guys about relationships on her blog- writing to them about how they might understand us better in relationships with them. Some of her articles even helped me understand guys a bit better!

  I love people and I write a blog called Unaverage Relationships. Click on the link  to go to it and find out more about it! In a nutshell, I write to guys about girls, friendships, and relationships. I have to say that it’s really different addressing girls instead of guys. My whole approach is different because now I’m talking to someone I actually understand! I am NOT an expert on guys! Normally I write to guys- not about them. I feel like this is a little out of my territory but I will do the best I can

Girls, do we act in a way that helps our guy friends? I don’t think we do a lot of times. We tend to be touchy, we give confusing “hints”, and sometimes we are a little flirty. One of my guy friends told me that sometimes even hugging a guy can make him think that there is something more than there really is. I’m not saying that giving hugs to guys is bad! I give hugs to my guy friends, but I tend to be picky on which ones I give hugs to. Maybe that’s mean? I don’t know. But I only hug the guys who I know won’t think anything of it. This is just an example I was given by a friend of mine on how girls can be confusing. A hug means nothing to us, but can mean everything to a guy if we aren’t careful. Of course there are always guys out there who don’t think anything of it, but we have to know which guys those are. A confused boy is never a good thing :-P So maybe instead of a full hug, give a side hug. Make it awkward if you have to! It’s for their benefit.

What’s with these hints we give? We try to give hints saying that we like him. Or if we get the feeling that he is starting to like us and we don’t feel the same way, we try to give hints that say we aren’t interested. But why do we feel the need to do that? I think guys are right when they call us confusing! (haha- because we are!) We need to learn to just say it. The reason we don’t is because we don’t want to be shut down if he doesn’t like us, or we don’t want to hurt him by telling him we don’t like him. But when I’ve talked to guys, one of the top 5 things guys wish we would do is to just say it straight up. They can’t figure us out, let alone our guessing games! So when you have a guy ask if you like him or not, tell him yes or no. Don’t confuse him by making him guess what your answer is.

Flirting for somebody who is not dating and not married, is to play with someone’s emotions. If you want the actual definition of “flirt” it’s “playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest” Whichever definition you look at I would say that I don’t think flirting is right. Now is it bad? (haha well if a husband and wife are flirting..they have every right to “arouse sexual interest” Go FOR IT!) But then one girl I was talking to said that there are girls who, “just have an outgoing and bubbly personality” and are perceived as flirts when they really aren’t. This is tough because I feel like a lot of girls say that argument as a cover up for their flirtatious attitude. But then there are the girls who really are just friendly and nice, but I also feel like you can tell the difference.  I used to get told that I was a flirt all the time when I was younger, around the 13-15ish age and I used to get mad because people would call me a flirt. But then I realized that I did need to back off some.

Now, I’m not saying that being good friends with guys, giving hugs, teasing, and talking to guys is bad, it is TOTALLY not! Some of my best friends are guys, and I tend to hang out with guys more than girls. But it’s how you come across when being bubbly and friendly. Do you approach them with a flirtatious attitude? Or with a friendly attitude? Granted, there are a lot of people that don’t think there is a difference, but I found that there is a HUGE difference. Ever since I figured this out I have become the friendly girl, not the flirty girl. It’s a hard line to draw and figure out, and I know that there are probably some people who think I am still a flirt just because they don’t know me, but for the most part I think people know that I just have an outgoing personality. It’s been awhile since somebody has called me a flirt. They all know that I can be friends with the guys. So, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being never flirting and 10 being always flirting, where would you rank yourself?

-Kelly

{Note: Please leave all comments to Kelly about this post on her blog.}

Temptation and Contentment

Lately, I’ve felt weak in the area of keeping to my commitment of courtship. It’s especially hard when, at church on Sundays, I get an older lady or two advertising their grandson to me in subtle ways.

It was even harder when I got a date proposal to go and see Pam Tebow give her testimony over a formal dinner with a guy I happen to umm, ahem, like.

gulp gulp

Even though I turned the offer down, I found myself wondering what would’ve taken place at the meal. Immediately, I felt guilty of not trusting God for His best.

Turns out, the lesson for tonight’s bible study meeting is contentment. Putting together a lesson on something you’re currently struggling with is always fun, becauseI immediately fix my problem spot right away.

He brought the following verse to me about living a contented, Jesus in control life:

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God

Proverbs 14:30

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Galatians 5:26

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

I should not begin to envy a sinful lifestyle full of of frivolty and dating. I remembered that God is God and I am supposed to be still. I also learned that God will always get me through a big temptation, and help me become content.

Then, I was reminded of Fanny Crosby. She’s my contentedness model for tonight’s lesson.

‘Oh, what a happy soul I am,
Although I cannot see,
I am resolved that in this world
Contented I will be.

How many blessings I enjoy
That other people don’t
To weep and sigh because I’m blind
I cannot nor I won’t.’

What a woman! She said she wouldn’t trade her blindness for sight because she wanted to give God glory!

I want others to say someday:

What a woman! She wouldn’t trade her singleness for a premature dating relationship because she wanted to give God the glory!

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. he’s not the hard to conquer with Christ on your side. He’s the winner, after all, in the end.   God made you exactly the way you are right now. Get down on your knees and thank HIM!

(PS, I’m deliciously happy today, btw. Always am on study days!)

Failure is the New Success

Hello! I’m still away (fun to type that while I’m staring at my WordPress dashboard…) at Summit but I am coming home in three or four more days. I hope you liked all the scheduled posts so far. If you hated them, don’t worry, there’s only a few left because “I’ll bee bock.”

In everyone’s life, there will be failure. But did you know that by failing, you still succeed? You may not accomplish what you set out to do, but you succeed in gaining experience. Experience is also needed. By failing, it could be God’s way of saying you need to learn more before trying this again. It could also be God’s way of saying “Hey, I work through you. Stop bragging.”

Even failure produces fruit in your life, and if not your life, someone else’s.

Look back at your life. Have you ever succeeded at failing? Can you see a good reason why you failed?

Yeah?

Good! That means you’ve grown physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Friendly or Flirtatious?

Hi! Right now, I’m in Wisconsin, probably not anywhere near an Internet source. Why? This is a scheduled post- I’m not here! I’m at Summit camp. I wasn’t going to leave you postless, now, was I? In fact, I’m leaving a post for you every day, so don’t fall behind, now!

Now, on to flirtation:

What happens when a guy starts flirting with you?

How do you respond?

Here’s the answer: It depends on the young man! A nice fellow could simply be friendly with you in his own way- causing you to wonder what his true intentions are- friend or flirt? A guy could begin flirting intentionally with a young lady, and the girl could take him either as a nice super-friendly dude or as a total pervert!

Keep this one thing in mind: young men who flirt have insecurities. This has been true in every situation I have observed. Guys just want attention- to be thought of as cool, tough, and manly- their sole purpose is not love- just to bring attention to them. By flirting, they believe girls will notice them- and they do: for the wrong reasons. Flirting is a form of manipulation, and that’s using a situation to benefit yourself and no one else. Guys who flirt are usually weak Christians: the type you shouldn’t marry! The guys close to you should never start flirting- because they care about you! Flirting is a neat way to know who doesn’t care about you. Guys who flirt are selfish. They want the thrill (short term) that flirting gives them. They want to brag about how they caught that pretty girl’s eye so all their friends can ohh and ahh.

When an immature man flirts with you, don’t even look his way. That’s one thing I have learned. Just looking at him- even in annoyance- causes him to continue and receive that momentary thrill.

A friendly and/or intrested guy however, will ask questions out of genuine concern for you. He will pray for you, help you along, and do things your friends would do: in a guy’s way. If you have been friends for a long time, then expect some jokes and playful banter. That’s not flirting. It’s fun and friendly communication! Don’t assume that your relationship may be turning into something more simply because you’re in high school or college.

There is a point in almost every high-school girl’s life when you think, well, hope, just maybe believe that perhaps this one, uh, … ahem, young man, may like you.

Is it flirting-

-or is it true interest?

Or is he just friendly?

Sometimes it’s just too hard to tell! I made some new friends awhile ago, and we were all getting very well acquainted. I had several guy friends in this group, so I knew I had to be careful with this situation. I was careful about what I shared with these young men. Out of the blue, one of the guys gave me an inexpensive gift. It was a typical guy gift (involved a large amount of candy) that he might have easily given everybody there as well. I wasn’t sure how to respond! I asked around to see if any of the other girls in my group had received this gift as well, and they all said they hadn’t. As the weeks and months went on, this guy began take almost every opportunity to be near me. He made jokes with me in a friendly way. He talked with me and asked questions about my walk with God. As you can imagine, a young man showing any sort of interest in you gets your curiosity piqued! He is a very friendly young man, but I still do not know for sure whether or not he likes me. And I will not find out: I am not going to manipulate and ask. What if he says no? Then what does my testimony look like? What if he says yes? I am committed to waiting for God’s best for marriage: and I don’t feel any leading to get married! God can bring Mr. Right in at the right time: without your help! (He created the world without your help- what makes you think He needs help with something smaller? ) The best way to deal with a wait-and-see situation is prayer. Act on the Holy Spirit’s leading: not your sinful nature.

Don’t flirt back. That’s joining in on sin.

At the root, flirtation is attention without intention!

In The Right Direction: Should We Careless Be?

Sometime ago; before the age of grace began, and when the birth of Christ was still just a prophecy; the spirit of God was housed in the temple of the Jewish people.

While studying recently, I was reminded of what the high priest had to do before he went into the Holy of Holies. The selected priest did this only once a year! He prayed for days beforehand, offering sacrifices for even the smallest evil idea that came into his mind. He prayed about the people in the twelve tribes, and probably read the few scrolls he had for direction. He would be in the room that contained God’s spirit! His presence! He actually wore bells that tinkled and a rope around his body so that if God chose to strike him dead, the people outside would hear the bells stop ringing. They would pull on the rope to tug him out of there- because they didn’t dare go into the Lord’s presence without being one of the set apart high priests.

Today, we can say that the birth of Christ has occurred, and we can claim the Holy Spirit as our own, dwelling inside of us! Our very own body- not a building- is the temple of God’s spirit . What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

And we party often and hard.

We participate in gossipy conversations.

We head to the stores wondering if our BFF has something cuter than the shirt we hold in our hands. We have to outdo them, you know.

We flirt with guys.

We cheat on tests.

And mostly-  we. don’t. care.

Our sin insensitive conscience

-is dead

What happened? The high priest reasonably feared being knocked dead because he may have  forgotten to confess a bad thought; and here we are- not worrying about taking ‘just one little drink.’

Let’s just say that God is full of mercy…

                                                                         …but that’s no excuse.

Though we are forgiven by God’s grace throught Christ’s death, we often forget to leave the old ways behind and put on the new. We still wallow in the world. We drink in the worldviews of men- reading the humanistic books, particpate with the New Agers by getting our horoscope and believing in karma- that list could go on. What happened to our ‘all out for God’ attitude?

Can you be all out for God and listen to the music you do? No? (That means pitching the Lady Gaga album…)

Can you be all out for God by flirting and using manipulation with guys? (it’s time to apologize to the young men you have led astray…)

Can you be all out for God by reading the books you do? (You may want to burn Twilight- vampires are of the the devil.  Don’t believe me? There is no ‘beautiful side of evil’: See Ephesians 4:27, 1 Corinthians 11:14-15- and read this post by Meag: http://meag371.blogspot.com/2009/09/twilight-and-why-there-is-no-beautiful.html#comments  (That’s a whole other story)

I hope this post has been a blessing to you- and a caution to be careful: the Holy Spirit is in us.