“This is Paul…”

An Almost Love Story? Nah…

A few ladies at my church approached my mom and dad a couple weeks ago about some new convert named Paul. They weren’t just casually mentioning this new Christian to mention this new Christian. They had an agenda.

“He’s 23, he’s going to a non-denominational church for a little while now and he’s met my parents. The parents are Roman Catholic, but they’re nice. He’s studying to be an electrician and they’ve told him about Laura. He’s already tried to go out with one girl but it didn’t work. His name is Paul, he’s very nice and polite, doesn’t smoke, tall  and lean, with light brown-dark blondish hair. We’re trying to figure out how they could meet. What do you think?”

My parents tried to explain I had some more standards than “regular church attender who doesn’t smoke and is making money.” But, the ladies plowed on: “Oh, but she’s so young, and she has ideas of what she wants. That all goes out the window when you fall in love!”

I’m glad these ladies and their husbands spoke with my parents, because my general unattraction to most guys with blonde hair would have made an outstanding opportunity to showcase my talent of sarcasm. Haha. Or, I could have jumped up and down with my arms waving in the air “He doesn’t smoke? YAHOOOOOOO!”

If I’m going to “fall in love” with some fellow, he’ll have to turn my heart first. It can’t be crush at first glance. I’ll have to know him for awhile before anything “happens.”

Avoid-a-Paul…

Ladies, when you are in question about a man, look to see if he’s going places: involved in some kind ministry or writing for a magazine; studying to become a missionary doctor or wanting to run for Congress, or even see if he owns his own business. Point is, observe, and don’t go for what others hand you. Take note of who’s doing instead of watching. We need more than “tall and nonsmoking”!

I believe having people set up guys for you to look at is interference with God’s way of doing things. People immediately claim “But God is using me!” when you argue “I don’t want you to get in the way of God’s plan for me.” People have strange ideas of what goes together, and they only want to see you married off. The old ladies in my church don’t really care about me or my life, but when it comes to love, they want to be in everyone’s business. Of course, the occasional “What’s up with college?” question surfaces, but nothing deeper than that. This tells me these ladies are manipulative. If I were to accept an invite to go to Paul’s church (Which I probably won’t…) it would cause me to start considering someone I may as well have no business considering. God works in surprises, and when I’m deliberately setting myself in places knowing a set-up dude like”Paul” will be there, I’m not letting God write the story. I’m a character trying to control my own future. I’m not saying be unfindable, it’s okay to be where the guys are (we all know that), but going into something thinking “I know they’ll be some great guys here… and maybe tonight I’ll meet the one…” will lead to our actions being controlled by the emotions and desires of wanting to meet the real deal. More often then not, our heads, muddled with desire, will settle for less. That’s when we make the mistake of settling for non-smoking nice guys like Paul.

Know for today you are called to singleness. Don’t let other people rush ahead for you.

You’ve Ruined It!!!

 

Now that I am graduated, most people want to see me pick up a boyfriend. Sorry, not happening.

Last night we went to a lovely wedding. I was enjoying myself immensely, that is, until the slow but steady parade began. I had five women ask me if I’ve met “The One” yet. It began to discourage me, and I ended up having to fight for joy the rest of the evening. I can only imagine what wonderful intensity will accompany the questions when I’m 20. It seems, though people are marrying older, and the guys are less frequent (or unskilled in the art of wooing altogether); the expectations placed on a 18 year old single girl are still what they were 100 years ago.

My challenge to young ladies such as myself: I can’t recommend the book “Sacred Singleness” enough! It’s about living for Christ during your single years and being content in “whatever state you’re in”. Also, start writing letters to your hubby. I write one to him every night. I hope it will be a surprise for him on our honeymoon. The one I wrote to him last night went something like this:

“Tonight people kept asking me if I have met you yet. I shrugged my shoulders each time and said ‘I don’t know.’ One lady almost seemed upset. ‘Don’t you have a boyfriend?’ she asked. ‘Nope. I know God will lead me into the right relationship at the right time.’ I replied. ‘That’s no way to catch a guy!’ With that she walked off. I hope years later (like when you’re reading this ) I can laugh and say she was wrong.  I am holding out for a hero, and that hero is you. I know that God planned our lives together before he even brought us into the world. Sometimes, I don’t think you exist. But I hope. And I love you.”

My challenge to the adult women reading: Don’t EVER ask a young woman if she is dating when you know of no relationship. Though you mean well, it actually discourages us! We all wish to be married someday. We can’t help our situation! It’s not our fault nobody’s asked yet!! And when someone does ask, we can tell you on our own time.

To the young men: Where are you?? Just kidding. But please, start today becoming a hard worker, a leader, a manly man! We are looking for someone who turns our hearts, not our heads. We could really care less about your effeminate voice, your stylish clothes, your buff muscles. Act like a man! Most young women I know, Christian and non-Christian, enjoy the company of real men. When you become concerned about your sunglasses more than doing good work, please consider this link from an acquaintance of mine, Kelly. http://unaveragerelationships.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/293/

An Invaluable 91 Cent Lesson

Paraphrased from When God Writes Your Love Story

“Hey Eric!” Steve yelled as I was getting comfortable in the yellow plastic McDonald’s booth. “Bob’s picking the Huskers to beat your team by twenty!”

 “What?” I screeched. “Bob, your Huskers will be lucky to come out of Folsom Field alive, let alone with a victory!”

  Ah… those memorable college days. There I was with my buddies, who like me were once again dateless on yet another Friday night. To ease our egos, we all headed to our favorite hangout to splurge our carefully budgeted spare 91 cents on a sumptuous ice cream cone and engage in serious guy talk.

  For all of you female readers out there who are interested in learning how guys tick, listen up. Whenever we get into a plastic booth, we become very predictable at least where conversation is concerned.

Sports. We talk about teams, argue, grunt, flex, make jabs, and all sort of tough things like that. Once we exhaust that topic, we talk about another favorite subject- food.

“Just bought 20 Ramen noodle packages for 2 bucks at Meijer….”

“No way, dude!”

Eventually, we move onto our endocrine systems. Hormones.

As Bob excitedly shared about this blonde who proofread his Ducks and Diseases paper, God reminded me of his control over this area of my life. It had been a few months since I had “let go of the pen,” but at times, I was still struggling. But he gave me a beautiful hope. He had been preparing me to be a husband, thus revealing to me someone was out there waiting for me.

Whoa!

If God’s plan for me was marriage, she’s walking around right now.

She’s alive!

I wondered what she was doing.

I wondered if she was looking at the moon and thinking of me.

It hit me.

She better not be hanging around a guy!

My mind was filled with a picture of someone who looked like Val Kilmer creeping a snakelike, slimy arm around her shoulder. Doesn’t the moon look peachy babe? I could hear his disgusting voice say.

Then, as if it couldn’t get any worse, I imagined his oversized lips coming in for an intercept on hers. Get your unbridled lips off my wife, turkey!

  My lips curled into a crazed snarl, and my eyes boiled with fury. My right hand formed a pulsing fist and smacked my open left hand with savage force. I was ready to kill this guy!

  Maybe my buddies thought it was an allergic reaction to ice cream (they didn’t bring it up, thankfully), but on a night where I blew a whopping 91 cents; I gained a truth.

 I desire purity in my wife.

—

Girls, don’t you think your future husband desires purity in you? Could you smile at what he would see you doing right now? Where you are going? With what you’re saying to other guys?

The Three Types of Men

Three Types of Men
Adapted from the books “Preparing to be a Helpmeet” and “Created to be His Helpmeet”, as well as some other typing tests.
There are three types of men: Prophet, Priest, and King. It is interesting to note that these three types each resemble a part of the Trinity.
The Holy Spirit is like the prophet.
The Prophet is a voice crying out in the wilderness, trying to change things and show people how they are wrong. He always has a cause, a voice, a reason to fly off and change the world in his own unique way.
His wife must be like him or be the complete opposite to get along. This man needs a little balance, or he will be completely rash with a partner in crime. While he is off studying the effects of wind on airplanes (or whatever this week’s topic is), the wife needs to be reminding him of hygiene, meals to eat, and appointments. However, the wife should be a thinker like him, because he will want her to be around when he’s unsure of what to think or say.
Prophets are street preachers who yell bluntly; the thinkers who state facts without much ado. They are always focused on one or two things. They are few in possession, their words, and their actions. They want to get things done quickly and simply- the more projects completed, the better.
The Prophet will always debate things that seemingly don’t matter to average people. Should we celebrate Easter? Did Christ die on a Thursday or a Friday… how about Wednesday? How about celebrating Christmas? Should women be allowed to use birth control? His wife should know exactly what he’s talking about, or she will risk her Prophet’s title proclamation of stupid. The wife should be understanding of his views and know quite a bit herself, a daunting task, but necessary for the couple’s continued happiness.
Though outgoing, the short answers and precise phrases Prophets use may turn many people off. They tend to form views slowly, but stick to them and proclaim them to the world once concrete.
The Prophet needs a woman with unfailing support of him. However, her faith needs to be more grounded, traditional and stable to support his obscure ideas that few hold to. She should be fanciful yet patient, kind and quiet. She needs to bring him balance, support, and sweetness. Both should like adventure- for the wife of a philosopher Prophet should be in for the ride of her life!
The Prophet is a unique guy who likes to think he can be a bachelor all his life. He may get lonely easily- without a cheerleader to support him after his parents kick him out or he leaves college. He is most needy of the three types of men- but rarely realizes it. He is creative, in search of knowledge, unexpected, systematic, and rich in experience. This may annoy his closest friends.
He is the type of man who will totally ignore you after the honeymoon because a new topic has taken his interest. Don’t worry, he will include you, but you will feel like a finished project.
He is a strong debater. He loves to start debates- and step back to watch and the fun.
He may spend money unwisely.
He looks at life as a big checklist, getting things done quickly helps him move onto the next great thing.
Most Prophets do not realize they are prophets. That’s the funny thing…

The Priest (or as the huge typo that bugs me every time I open the book says “Preist”)
Jesus is the Priest.
Priests are steady men who do not care to change their ways. They are stuck in their ways for life, content to wake up and go to bed with not a change in routine at all. They love whatever they’ve done for years as much as they did the day they began. They always love their sweetie, and have no idea of what cheating looks like. As old men, they enjoy the lovely wife they married 50 years ago. The Priest will not put pressure on you to do things the hard way. He lets you go on as you please, happy with whatever you choose. The adventurous would not get along with this man- even a vacation can be enough to upset the Priest’s fruitbasket.
The wife also needs loads of patience, or her marriage to the Priest will falter. He takes several days to make a decision on a purchase, years to decide on a house, etc. He hates snap decisions and people who make them.
The Priest is well-liked and respected. He is known abroad, and people seem to randomly stop to say hi. He doesn’t really belong to his wife: he belongs to the community. While the Prophet would study and invent and analyze medicine for a sick neighbor, the Priest would be the one to heal and encourage.
The Priest hates to see any dime unaccounted for. He loves money-work, but not paying bills.
The Priest needs a lot of time to contemplate life in quiet. He becomes grouchy without that time.
He will never be awkward around people. People are his specialty.
While the Prophet will only need to conquer his wife to get hitched to her, the Priest will be the one to make the wife breakfast in bed, pick her flowers, and give her gifts. The Prophet only seeks to win his lovely bride’s heart for marriage and focus on keeping her, the Priest wants to win her for a lifetime.
He looks only to today, but still looks ahead to plan for the future every now and then. He likes to talk of the past with dear friends, though he has few close ones. Everyone seems like a good acquaintance to him.
He is proud of his wise, resourceful wife, and his world revolves around her.
He never forgets a face, always remembers dates, and enjoys reminiscing with folks from back then.
The Priest is the type of man who falls into the category of phlegmatic. Complacent, soft-spoken, not worried about the world or the problems of the world.
While the Prophet would go to invent or debate something, the Priest would think through the process needed to produce the invention, like the assembly line, the plant, and the workers.

The King
God the Father is the King.
They come across as domineering; they only want deep devotion and plain obedience from sweet wives.
Kingly men see life as if they were on a high mountain; they look only at the big picture; what will serve the greatest number of people the longest, best time. They have no tolerance for slowpokes, and require submission to accomplish the goal. Kings make great leaders. Kings are usually pastors. (Not so in my case)
Kings help people see their lot in life is perfect. The like to help people- many people- become good servants. If people aren’t helping and serving the King, he feels that his power has ignored and thus becomes angry and annoyed. Though not abusive by nature, the King can become so if not obeyed many times over. If the King has no reverence from his queen (wife), he will become depressed, brooding, and upset. He loves his wife so much, he sees himself as a gift to her, to help her learn to serve.
The King may not be prideful in his own eyes, but Kingly men usually come across that way. Their gift for delegation leaves him with no job but to oversee, guide and direct. He may not be smart, but he certainly does appear to be so, being the only man to direct. There are usually a few Kings in every bunch.
Kings want service to their hand and foot when at home. He doesn’t see himself as lazy. After a long day of delegating and directing, he expects his strong queen to feed him a good meal and iron some clothes for tomorrow while he reads or watches TV. Kings don’t relate well to women, so don’t be surprised if your Kingly husband doesn’t share feelings or ideas and is offended you can’t read his mind.
Kingly dudes think when they have to, relax if they have to, but they love leading the best. He needs a strong wife to follow him without question no matter what day it is: thinking day, relaxing day, or leading day.
Living with Kings can be hard if you are not a submissive girl.
Kings adore great cooking, and will talk about that one good meal for days afterward. They appreciate service without prompting.
Their goal is to share goals, not emotions
He doesn’t like sick, old, dying, or weird people. They aren’t normal, aren’t the majority, and aren’t easy to delegate to. He won’t view them with contempt, but he will be awkward around abnormal folks.
Kings are the stuff mother of the brides fear. To your mother, Kingly husbands are abusive and obscure.
If you learn to be absolutely submissive, you will never fear your King.

No man can be all three: but they can have a major and a minor type. The guy who thinks he is all three is a total Prophet. 

What say ye, ladies? What type is your dad? What type is your brother? What type do you think would be a good catch?
A major Prophet and a minor Priest would be good in my book. My dad is Priestly/Kingly, and I get annoyed with his type sometimes. Submission has never been my strong point, though I am learning. And somehow, the idea of no adventure in life bugs me…

I may take a look at the three types of women next… but each girl is simply a fainter version of these types. Which resembles you? (I’m a Prophetess/Queenly)

A Standard For Encouraging and Dealing With Guys

I’d like to share with you some resources I just added to my library.

Preparing to Be a Helpmeet ~ Debi Pearl  Talks of types of guys, types of girls, and what each type should do to prepare for the guy she will most likely catch.

Answering the Guy Questions (hereafter refered to as “ATGQ”) by Leslie Ludy was an amazing book! It is a quick read, so this book is good for people who want to look at a topic and run off.

Also, “What Our Father Taught Us About Boys” (a CD by the Botkin sisters) is another helpful resource.

All three opened my eyes to how much girls and guys are alike- and how they are so very different, too.

 Boys are people too.  “This may sound funny,” as Anna Sophia said in the CD, “but it is true.”

 We often go from one extreme to the other when it comes to dealing with boys. There are boys I know who are very forward with me, and sometimes I walk away from a conversation wondering “Should I have said that?” and other times I walk away thinking “I wish I had said a lot more.” Other boys I have no reason to talk to, and after awhile, I just began to ignore them. These situations are both wrong. I want to apply some basic principles:

>Do dress nicely, modestly, and stylishly, but not FOR them. ATGQ talks of respecting their future wives and your future husband by keeping hidden what should be hidden. And remember, if there are many guys there, there are many future wives, too. Don’t expect anything until you are of marriagable age and the guy has asked for your hand through your dad!

>Don’t chatter mindlessly. Guys understand you more than you think. According to Preparing to Be A Helpmeet, they are always watching and listening; even if not for romantic purposes. They will know you by your words. Discontinue fillers, crude slang, and random chatter about yourself.

Don’t EVER manipulate. For example: Angela likes Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t think Angela would make a very good wife. He is not interested. But, Angela, seeing him ignore her is not acceptable. She wants him to notice her and sets up a date trap to get him alone with her in her car. This led to other things, and Kyle didn’t really want Angela in the first place. This is called defrauding. The girl was taking what was not hers, doing things she had no business doing, and initiating things when it was not her place.

This action is not only displeasing to God, but it reflects badly on you. Manipulative women are pushy, and once married, will push their husbands. Read Proverbs 7 for more about a wicked, manipulative woman.

Don’t ignore them. I have a knack for doing this, and it frustrates me! Even if guys are being pushy, greet them with a quiet smile, and if annoyed, let them or others do the talking so you don’t explode or pour mindless chatter on them. I was recently followed around almost everywhere by a certain guy. I’d be walking, then turn around and there he was. I’d feel goosebumps on my neck and he’d be watching me intently from several hundred yards away. When I finally bumped into him face to face, my mom was with me, and she was able to do the talking. Thank goodness for parents and the chance to apply the truths right away!

I hope you will consider these resources and add them to your library! They are priceless, and they could change your life.  Remember our highest goal is not to snag a gent, or to please the guys in our lives; it’s about becoming a woman who is worth “far above rubies”. (See Proverbs 31:10-31)

Pressure to Be Attached

People call me crazy. People also call me stupid. Let me explain:

A smattering of guys have, at one time or another, confessed their undying, hormone related affection for me. I don’t want any of it. It’s distracting, and once these young men started hinting blatantly at liking me, the friendship hurled went downhill. I still have a good friendship with one, but it is because of being careful. I don’t reply to flirtatious comments, look at him when he sighs loudly, or tell him if I like him back. For the most part, he understands. I think. I spend a lot of time praying about “Alexander” but he is not the foremost of my thoughts. People usually tell me to go after him, because after all, I’m nearly of marriageable age, and of course, they only want me to be “happy.” When I say that I’m happy without a boyfriend or the prospect of getting one, most pat me on the arm and say I’m deceiving myself and someday that will change. Ha. Far from it, folks.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and I sure would like to be married sometime in my life. But God has given me a greater desire, a desire stronger than having a husby or a bunch of kids. That desire I have is from Him and for Him. God’s will takes over any thought I may have over Sir Charming the Gallant. If only more girls would stop playing the dating game and learn that contentment in Christ is the key to life!

“Who is this?” asked an old man of a 20-something woman.

“This is my boyfriend… Charles” the girl declared proudly.

It was amazing how much was said in those few words. This girl had been involved in my youth group for several years, all the while encouraging us not to seek after a guy but follow after the Lord. She should have led by example. While declaring she was not looking for a relationship, she started a singles group, researched ‘singles explosions’, and went to every event she could find where available men were. After three years, her search was successful. She has a boyfriend, and she talks of him all the time. Her identity is not in who she is in Christ, it’s who she is with her boy. You see, the young lady equates being fulfilled and human with being attached. Not so! What makes us human (profoundly human) is the Gospel! It makes us see our enormous need for help…and makes us become fulfilled after we’ve let Jesus fill that need. The Gospel is enough to satisfy. Stop living like it isn’t.

Those who “date around” want to have a great marriage someday, that’s unanimous! But, when it comes down to who they date, the standard is set quite low. Over the years, missionary dating has become popular at my church. It started with one couple, then it snowballed. Another couple started, and another, and then, this aforementioned girl found herself an unbelieving boy. The first relationship that started it all sadly ended when they found the “converted” girlfriend was fooling around at college.

It seems that dating is like a snowball. It starts out with a faithful Christian girl and a guy. She is serious about her walk with God, and every day is like a mountaintop experience. They date, get involved, and break up. The girl blames God for her problems, and starts look for another guy. The cycle repeats with several more guys, adding baggage, making the process of “backsliding” go faster. Things gain momentum. The snowball builds up more ‘junk’ and keeps rolling… downhill… faster and faster… until crash! The whole thing blows up in her face and her life is at the bottom of the hill. In order to get back to the top, she must get serious and start depending on God again for everything! Only then can she have a deep relationship with God and get back on the victorious mountaintop.

The reason for unbalanced relationships is the preset standard (or the lack thereof). Most people have no standard or even the slightest idea what they’d like to see in Prince Charming. As young women, we shouldn’t swoon over what our dear Johnny should look like. We should be praying for his character, his strength, and his spiritual well-being!

As I looked into qualities of husbands, I found absolutely no standard of any sort out on the Internet. Not even a bare minimum or a few requirement ideas. Sure, every girl is different, but there’s the need to set a standard and a few expectations to get her thinking about the kind of man she’ll marry someday.

Hence the big surprise. (No, it’s not that I’m getting married, but thanks anyway to those who asked!!) It’s a list of potential qualities that you should think about. This isn’t final gospel, and I’m only a weak, finite human, so it’s not a law to follow. Rather, this is a list to get you thinking. Take ideas from this list and start building your own. Tell me about some of the qualities you came up with on your own!

Check it out- The List  

This list will only be up for the week of Valentine’s… (February 14th-February 19th)

Table for One, Please!

When I was younger, I went to kindergarten. We didn’t do much in the way of learning apart from evolutionary talks, sight words, and motor skills. We had playtime, and that time still sticks in my head like glue.

 

My friends Jasmine, Allison, and Casey would bring out the Barbies. We would drag the giant house to the center of the circle time area and proceed to dress our unrealistically proportioned dolls. We didn’t realize that at the time, however. Once JJ, (the odd-boy who didn’t play with he-man toys and begged to breathe life into a sick-looking Ken doll for us), had dressed Ken as a knight, we were ready to play.

Almost.

“I wanna be the beautiful dying princess today.”

“No, Jazz, you were yesterday. It’s my turn. “

“I thought I was the pretty, dying one today.”

“Hey guys, what if JJ had four Kens and we all had a handsome dude to heal us?”

We would argue until three of us deferred and one of us got our way. The point was, we all wanted to be saved from death, kissed and hugged, and “be married” to Ken so we could be the happy one. We always played that the married one was the happiest, prettiest, and the most successful. I don’t think we even thought about that fact. Our culture had taught us well by the tender ages of 4 and 5. You need another half to be fulfilled, happy, or successful. You need to have a boyfriend to be happy. Ditch the guy and you ditch happiness.

 

Now I’m 17, have never had a boyfriend, and am happy the way I am. (Hey culture, don’t believe me? Read on!)

 

I’ve seen they way girls act when they become guy-crazy and marriage obsessed at young ages. There’s a 15 year old girl who recently told me to stay away from a 17 year old young man who seemed to show interest in me. Nothing happened between any of us, but it made for a good laugh with my parents and this question to arise:

“Who’s responsible for teaching her to act like that?”

Parents? Maybe. Friends? Sure. But really, who started the Prince Charming syndrome?

Movies full of weddings and cute guys, books with tips for flirting, magazines that tell you how to dress to flaunt your curves?

Exactly. These influences are also known as media. Media usually shapes culture. 

 

Modern Christian psychology doesn’t help either. I believe (and this is just my opinion) that psychiatry and psychologists are just lame excuses invented by humanists to cover up sin. We have new terms for the guilty or even ‘self-surrendered to Christ people’ like “mentally unstable people.” These people can be helpful, sure, but really: just because I give up my “right” to have a boyfriend doesn’t make me ‘mentally unstable!’ We have no right to anything but worshipping our Savior, and when you start worshipping those pop-stars doing drugs, bailing out of jail and…

…back to the topic I was talking about. Bunny trails. I don’t want to go to bunny land. I don’t think you want to either.

Something about, uh, let’s see… Prince Charming Syndrome, right?

When a couple is together, their intent should be marriage. No doubt about it! It’s the purest way! So why are we surrounded by 12-16 year old lovebirds? While at Cedar Point, a local amusement park, I laugh as all the 12 year olds kiss their 13 and 14 year old boyfriends while in line for the rides. Why is that?

Our world tells us singleness is a lonely way of life. It can be quite lonely at times, to be sure. We live in a “connected” world. Loneliness today means social pariah. Outcasts of society. Nobody to love you.

Loneliness is used by God to draw you closer to Him! God loves you SOOOOO much! God uses tough times for His glory. But that’s not the single life completely. Being single is not 100% loneliness. Not even 50%!

Being single is a way to minister to others like you can’t when you are married. Older unmarried women I know can take off on a short term mission trip in a short amount notice. If she were married, she would have to check with her hubby, find places for the kids to stay, prepare meals for the family, and do many other things that she wouldn’t do if unmarried.

Being single is an opportunity to grow in the Lord unhindered. I am only 17 years old, and as I have said before, I have never dated a guy. I was at one point, a little too interested in guys, but once I shifted my focus to God, I grew! I love being ‘uncrazy’ about guys: because now I am crazy about God!

Expect some well-meaning, elderly mentors to try and pair you off with someone or push their grandson at you. You simply need to explain that you are not looking at all for a guy. I am asked this question about every other month at my church by different people. The question “Aren’t you dating anybody?” usually comes in the disguise of: “Have you met up with a possible Mr. Right yet?” or “Has God ushered that special someone into your life?”

At times it can get discouraging. Answering “Nope” isn’t always a joyful task. Satan wants us to think we aren’t complete without ‘him.’ Who needs ‘him’ when you can have ‘HIM?’

I have indeed come a long way from my Barbie and Ken philosophy. I hope you have or will, too.

Just some thoughts on singleness. And yup, I’m not back yet. I love the scheduled posts function! It feels so funny knowing this thing will post itself without my help. Hey, no offense, but I’ve probably forgotten all about my blog at this point. I think I’m having the time of my young life! And if you’re just joining me, I’m at a place called Summit, in WI. Check out my Two Weeks at Summit page for more details.

We Should Never Cause A Guy To Stumble

Hey! This is another scheduled post! I wonder what I’m doing right now at Summit. I’ll bet I’m having the time of my life right now!

Of course, I may be bored out of mind, too…

But anyway…

Today, I’m writing about guys again.

How we dress affects others. (Wow! All new information, Laura! Way to go!…not). This should be ingrained in our heads by now! But how often do we put knowledge into practice? Not often.

I’ve seen too many girls say they’re for modesty and later walk by guys with low cut shirts and too tight jeans. Guys notice things. Things as in body parts under your low cut shirt and too tight jeans. They aren’t paying attention to the embellishment on your shirt. They aren’t blind! We shouldn’t dress like we don’t know they’re looking, because deep down inside, we know they are. We become hypocritical and think of what ‘he’ would think of you if you wore this or that outfit. That’s not modesty- that’s manipulation.  

We should never cause a guy to stumble because of what we’re wearing. If that means throwing out your size 10′s and exchanging them for looser 12′s, do it. If it’s donating that cute, new, yet low cut shirt from Aeropostale, go for it! It honors God to be modest, and it will please your future husband. I personally choose not to get anything from Abercrombie and Fitch because of the posters on the store walls. I don’t want to wear things associated with that store’s reputation.

Purposeful immodesty is actually like flirting (see flirting post below). Instead of words and actions, you’re using clothes to ‘lure’ that guy to you. Manipulation!

Now, I’m also not saying that we should live in fear, wondering if this shirt or that skirt is going to cause a guy to be offended. We sometimes can’t control what others thnk of us. (whoa, let’s do that again)

We can NEVER control what others think of us.

But you get credit for trying!

Have any of you ever made the commitment to not offend a guy by your dress? I’d be delighted to hear from you.

Friendly or Flirtatious?

Hi! Right now, I’m in Wisconsin, probably not anywhere near an Internet source. Why? This is a scheduled post- I’m not here! I’m at Summit camp. I wasn’t going to leave you postless, now, was I? In fact, I’m leaving a post for you every day, so don’t fall behind, now!

Now, on to flirtation:

What happens when a guy starts flirting with you?

How do you respond?

Here’s the answer: It depends on the young man! A nice fellow could simply be friendly with you in his own way- causing you to wonder what his true intentions are- friend or flirt? A guy could begin flirting intentionally with a young lady, and the girl could take him either as a nice super-friendly dude or as a total pervert!

Keep this one thing in mind: young men who flirt have insecurities. This has been true in every situation I have observed. Guys just want attention- to be thought of as cool, tough, and manly- their sole purpose is not love- just to bring attention to them. By flirting, they believe girls will notice them- and they do: for the wrong reasons. Flirting is a form of manipulation, and that’s using a situation to benefit yourself and no one else. Guys who flirt are usually weak Christians: the type you shouldn’t marry! The guys close to you should never start flirting- because they care about you! Flirting is a neat way to know who doesn’t care about you. Guys who flirt are selfish. They want the thrill (short term) that flirting gives them. They want to brag about how they caught that pretty girl’s eye so all their friends can ohh and ahh.

When an immature man flirts with you, don’t even look his way. That’s one thing I have learned. Just looking at him- even in annoyance- causes him to continue and receive that momentary thrill.

A friendly and/or intrested guy however, will ask questions out of genuine concern for you. He will pray for you, help you along, and do things your friends would do: in a guy’s way. If you have been friends for a long time, then expect some jokes and playful banter. That’s not flirting. It’s fun and friendly communication! Don’t assume that your relationship may be turning into something more simply because you’re in high school or college.

There is a point in almost every high-school girl’s life when you think, well, hope, just maybe believe that perhaps this one, uh, … ahem, young man, may like you.

Is it flirting-

-or is it true interest?

Or is he just friendly?

Sometimes it’s just too hard to tell! I made some new friends awhile ago, and we were all getting very well acquainted. I had several guy friends in this group, so I knew I had to be careful with this situation. I was careful about what I shared with these young men. Out of the blue, one of the guys gave me an inexpensive gift. It was a typical guy gift (involved a large amount of candy) that he might have easily given everybody there as well. I wasn’t sure how to respond! I asked around to see if any of the other girls in my group had received this gift as well, and they all said they hadn’t. As the weeks and months went on, this guy began take almost every opportunity to be near me. He made jokes with me in a friendly way. He talked with me and asked questions about my walk with God. As you can imagine, a young man showing any sort of interest in you gets your curiosity piqued! He is a very friendly young man, but I still do not know for sure whether or not he likes me. And I will not find out: I am not going to manipulate and ask. What if he says no? Then what does my testimony look like? What if he says yes? I am committed to waiting for God’s best for marriage: and I don’t feel any leading to get married! God can bring Mr. Right in at the right time: without your help! (He created the world without your help- what makes you think He needs help with something smaller? ) The best way to deal with a wait-and-see situation is prayer. Act on the Holy Spirit’s leading: not your sinful nature.

Don’t flirt back. That’s joining in on sin.

At the root, flirtation is attention without intention!

Desires, Choices, and Young Men

Do you have a “husband list?” I do! ” The Husband List” is the term I use for the ever growing list of character qualities, physical abilities, and so on I desire in a husband. As of this month, the list is in the 300′s. (Dear future hubby I have yet to meet: NO PRESSURE!)

Most of us want a classic gentleman. We desire an honest, hardworking lad who is strong of mind and body. Someone who is forgiving and full of love. A man who won’t compromise and stands alone. A guy who is intelligent and funny. Someone who will never let us feel lonely again.

I was thinking last night about how often God places desires in our heart. I can honestly say most, if not all, of the list is a manifestation of the desires God has placed in my heart.  I know God has placed these desires in my heart to be a wife and mother someday. The more I thought about this, I realized God places those desires in our hearts to draw us closer to Himself.  No man on earth could possibly fulfill every single want and need we have. He may pass “The Husband List” test, but we all understand there’s quite a few things a man cannot do. Man cannot solve every problem that comes up. Men do not know the future. Men fail. Men lie. Men are sinful. In fact, all humans have a sinful nature- and none of us can change the fact.

So what’s with these desires? I don’t think we come up with them ourselves. because we’re supposed to look for a man with character like Jesus! God’s Son!

God cannot fail us. He is our true Prince Charming. He places these desires for a true Prince to bring us closer to Him. As young women, our deepest desire is to be married someday. I’d like to encourage you to run into your true Prince Charming’s arms. He is the Gentleman of your dreams. He can fulfill every longing and need if we just trust Him. He is enough to satisfy- no doubt about it. I believe if we learn to love Christ first- our intense desire for earthly romance will become more controllable. If we do not have Christ first, we will be unhappy. We know that much is true. So, when we settle for less by dating around and not waiting for God’s best, we will feel unfulfilled and unhappy. I thought about what would happen if you did marry ‘the right one’ God had shown you, but Christ is not your first love. Your husband is. Would you be happy? I honestly don’t think so. When God puts a longing in your heart, it is with purpose. When you stray from it, and don’t run to Him first for fulfillment, I can’t imagine being content.

Are there godly men out there? Yes, I can name some. But, are there perfect men out there? No. Don’t bother thinking there are and stop pursuing them. It is an illusion that is portrayed in every Hollywood romance. The real world is full men who err, who sin. Not that all men are bad, but they are simply bad by nature. As I thought through this, I also realized that your husband should understand that Christ is first in your life. And that should build you up together.

But we too often allow our desires to overtake us. Wild thoughts turn into emotions, and we start doing things we shouldn’t. Acting on the Spirit’s leading, parent’s direction, and experiences prior, we make wiser choices. Our parents know what is good for us, we know from common sense and past good or bad situations what we should and shouldn’t do. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is working for good in our lives to the glory of God. But choosing to act on emotions, which change by the hour, our choices go skiing downhill.

Manipulation begins when we act on how we feel. Young women like to start things. They initiate conversations, friendships, clubs, and fun outings. They intiate studies of the Word of God. There’s nothing wrong with getting things started. Women have an influence on men that most of us do not realize. Women help men lead well, but they can help men lead badly. When we stop letting men lead, and begin to initiate and lord over them, it is safe to say that this is manipulation and going against God’s design.

The thing we should never initiate is a romantic relationship with a guy. When we like a guy, that attraction overtakes common sense. We find ourselves seeking out this man, ways to be near him, know him, know about him, and know his family. Our thoughts turn more towards him instead of Christ: these thoughts are based on emotion. Our emotions are strong, unpredictable, and contrasting. The more I think about manipulation, the more dangerous it seems! How can we make decisions based on our feelings? Feelings come from the heart, which is basically sinful. Jeremiah 17:9~ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked, who can know it? Our heart cannot be fixed to be perfect, and make all the right choices. We cannot trust our emotions. But we can trust the Holy Spirit. When we draw closer to him, we make better choices, big decisions become easier, and we tend to hesitate less. Boys do appreciate when we stand back and let them do the intiating. Manipulation is wrong, dishonest, and demeaning. Please, please, please don’t get impatient and give in!

We must use self-control when dealing with everyone: including guys. I know of a time when my dad (who does things like most men: the hard way) was called inside to eat dinner. Our family is unusual: we eat around the table, as a family, every night. Sometimes one of us is visiting a friend’s, at work, or in this case, a little late. We had been waiting, sitting at the table for a few minutes, and my dad came in from the yard. He took his time washing his hands in the bathroom. Then, he went the opposite direction from the dining room and headed into the living room. He started shutting all the curtains, checking the thermostat, etc. As a hungry girl staring at delicious-smelling food, my first instinct was to yell at my dad. Sometimes I do, but this particular time I didn’t. That’s self control- something I still have to work at. But how can we apply self control to our friendships with guys when we can’t excersise it at home? Our parents may be a little backwards according to us, but that’s how they work. You can’t change them and shouldn’t try to, no matter how much you want to. That’s the way it is with young men. Don’t try to go after them and tell them every little thing you like and dislike about them. Apply self-control.

Our ‘Husband Lists’ should not be determined by culture. We’ve all seen the downhill trek that society has been making for the last 75 years. Societies are shaky, they come and go, and are determined by humans. (Back to our sinful nature!) The standards we have should be higher. Way higher. Expectations have hit all time lows- and I don’t expect them to rise anytime soon. With low expectations on us girls, people just expect us to get married to the first moral-but-mediocre dude who asks. Higher standards will look crazy to those around us. Even my Christian friends think I’m crazy when I tell them about my ideas concerning love. They laugh because of high standards. They laugh becasue they’ve never heard of such a thing called courtship. They laugh because they aren’t sure how to respond to a person actually applying God’s Word to all of their life, not just part of it.

But that’s fine by me. I don’t want their approval. I don’t need it! All I want is the smile of Christ and a still small voice saying “Well done.”

Since I am only 16  and single, and have a long way to go in maturing in Christ, these are just thoughts. But really, I have never felt so happy and content since I stopped looking for the one and starting looking to the One. It’s amazing! Pursue Him, He is enough! We do need to have a plan, however. If we don’t- we won’t go anywhere. That plan must be in God’s will. That plan must be seeking to please Him, not gain money and material things for ourselves. Simply act in obedience to the Holy Spirit, and God will show you what you’re going to do next. If your life goal is contrary to that, and getting married is top priority, you’re making a wrong decision.

Don’t look. Prepare. Build Jesus into your life, don’t try to fit Him in here and there. Everything you do should be with His approval. If not, don’t do it.